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spikespiegel

Alladdicted
posted a quote
March 6, 2016 7:35pm UTC

God spent 7 days making the earth and spent 9 months making me so clearly I'm a big deal.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 4 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
January 31, 2013 6:29pm UTC

one time
i put my mum’s bras on a
ceiling fan because i though it’d be a
funny prank but then some
people came over to look at the
house and i didn’t have
time to take the bras down so
when my mum turned the fan on bras
flew all around our kitchen and
landed on the people and like
no one wanted to say
anything so we acted like
bras weren’t strewn across all of us
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · read the comments · 696 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 7, 2013 2:27pm UTC

Today in class this guy was being really rude and disruptive, so my teacher
told him to act ladylike. Instead of doing his usual disruptice stuff, every 30 seconds he would yell out stuff like,
"My boobs hurt!"
"I need a man!"
"If you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"
"I can't drive!"
"Why does nobody love me?"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 682 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
March 9, 2013 12:57pm UTC

Personally, I feel that Romeo and Juliet
could have handled the situation better.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 713 points

finding_nemo
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 7:27pm UTC

*My brother's friend got another tattoo*
Me: Now you can't give blood.
brother's friend: I know that's why I got it.
brother's friend: I hate needles.
Can we just let this sink in?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 751 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:32pm UTC

girl pockets: can fit a piece of lint. if you're lucky, two pieces of lint.
guy's pockets: can fit car keys, a notepad, a calculator, the neighbors dog, an apartment complex, the entire state of hawaii, and half of jupiter.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 782 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 12, 2013 3:46pm UTC

puberty either makes you a
hot god or a potatoe.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 803 points

dolph*
posted a quote
January 26, 2013 11:28am UTC

This was posted on Facebook:
bf n gf were siting at a tabel
dey were haeving a conversatein
da gurl sed 2 da boy "bbz will u luv me 4ever?"
boy sed "NO...."
girl was sad she ran away n cryed
she triped over a CHAIR
she was ded.
boy ran over to pic up her body he wisperd in her ear "i ment to say.. ill love u 5ever."
dat meen he luv her moar dan 4ever.
This post made me ill.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 778 points

XxMeliRidesRainbowPoniesxX
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 12:56pm UTC

Is it just me, or did we used to have normal-scented shampoos before? Everything was just strawberry, cinnamon, and citrus. Nice, normal things.
Now I pick up a bottle of shampoo and it's all like:
"DEW GATHERED BY MONKS FROM THE HIMALAYA MOUNTAINS MIXED WITH A ROOT OF AN ASNCLSCHBK PLANT THAT GROWS ONLY IN AN OBSCURE VILLIAGE IN AMAZONIA, WITH A DASH OF MAGICAL BERRIES FROM NARNIA TO GIVE YOU HAIR SOME VOLUME."
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT STILL SMELLS LIKE CITRUS TO ME.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 844 points

Andreaxoxo
posted a quote
May 6, 2013 6:00pm UTC

a lot of my life
has been realizing that i would
cross oceans
for people who wouldn't
jump puddles for me

👍 this is good · read the comments · 919 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:56pm UTC

next time you're washing your hands next to
somebody, cup your hands under the tap water until the water overflows, then look at them dramatically and say "this water is getting out of hand." it's a guaranteed way to make friends. i have never tried it, but it's guaranteed.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 920 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 5:44pm UTC

omfG
SO TODAY IN
PHYSICS THIS GIRL’S
PHONE WENT OFF
AND HER RINGTONE
WAS SHINE
BRIGHT LIKE A
DIAMOND AND MY
TEACHER STOOD UP
AND SAID TURN
THAT THING OFF IF I
HEAR IT AGAIN
I WILL PERSONALLY
TRACK DOWN
RIHANNA AND EXPLAIN
TO HER THAT
DIAMONDS DO NOT
SHINE THEY REFLECT
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · read the comments · 977 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
January 28, 2013 3:20pm UTC

do you ever
make a huge scene
and then march off to your bedroom but
eventually you get hungry and you
feel like you can’t leave your room because you
want to prove a point or something
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1001 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 5:24pm UTC

someone called me fat today at school because
i was eating chips in math class so i looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag inside my mouth and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backback and kept eating.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1021 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
January 25, 2013 2:53pm UTC

You know that quiet girl in class?
Yeah, she goes home and makes fun of all of you on Witty.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1095 points

TaintedCorruption
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 2:15pm UTC

Sister: What's a pedestrian?
Me: Ask mom.
Sister: I can't it sounds dirty.
Me: Fine...YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PEDESTRIAN I EVER SEEN!
Sister: MOM SHE CALLED ME A PEDESTRIAN.
Mom: But you are a pedestrain
Sister: *cries*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1115 points

yourcool
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 5:57pm UTC

the person who invented marriage was creepy:
"hey, i love you so much, i'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1125 points

ThatsSoMeee
posted a quote
February 17, 2013 4:25pm UTC

Every book
you've ever read
is just a different combination
of 26 letters.
Weird, isn't it?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1128 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 8, 2013 3:36pm UTC

one time in high school i didn't read the assigned book
and i was like screw it imma write this essay anyway and i had no idea what the book was even about or who the characters were so i just spewed out some bs about archetypes and the teacher came up to me after class and told me i was the only student who truly understood the book.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1202 points

JakeBowden
posted a quote
February 23, 2016 9:43am UTC

The "dayuuuuum Daniel" fad hasn't been a thing for awhile yet but its already annoying. .

👍 this is good · read the comments · 7 points

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