Witty Profiles

smluvsart

1. OMGsome1stolemyface
   posted a quote
   August 29, 2013 5:17am UTC
   Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. Like in between one and two the is an infinitive amount of numbers; there is 0.1 and 0.12 and 0.122. But there is an even bigger infinitive amount of numbers in between 0 and 2 or 0 and a million.
   The fault in our stars taught me that.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
2. * Sabaism *
   posted a quote
   October 14, 2013 6:19pm UTC
   Why do we wash towels?
   Why is there a s in lisp?
   If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
   Why don't they just make mouse flavoured cat food?
   Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
   Why is it when a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4 per minute?
   Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
   Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
   What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
   What is Satan's last name?
   Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
   If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
   Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
   When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
   Can animals commit suicide?
   Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
   If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, what would happen if you said 'no'?
   How far east can you go before you're heading west?
   Can a black person join the kkk?
   Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
   If a str/pper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
   Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?
   How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
   If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?
   This is what keeps me up at night
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 214 points
3. CookieMonster09*
   posted a quote
   September 7, 2013 4:16pm UTC
   *piano starts*
   me: i'm not doing it
   *piano goes on*
   me: i'm not doing it for goodness sake!
   *piano continues*
   me: urgh, if you'll think this will hap-MAKING ME WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST, FACES PASS AND I'M HOME BOUND
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 136 points
4. br0kenwings
   posted a quote
   September 3, 2013 7:16pm UTC
   Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water.
   And everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes
   you cannot even breathe deeply, and
   the night sky is no home, and
   you have cried yourself to sleep enough times
   that you are down to your last two percent, but
   nothing is infinite,
   not even loss.
   You are made of the sea and the stars, and one day
   you are going to find yourself again.
   - unknown
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 70 points
5. capsized*
   posted a quote
   August 30, 2013 11:35pm UTC
   ❝ You put your arms around me and I'm home
   ❞
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 58 points
6. Acidtears
   posted a quote
   August 29, 2013 6:21pm UTC
   What does it feel like to have a boyfriend?
   ▼
   ■ Anonymous
   I've never had a boyfriend, but I think it feels like you're safe. Like no one's going to hurt you.
   It feels like someone actually cares about you. Like he doesn't care what you look like, or how your body looks like. He loves you for who you are. He makes you feel like you deserve to be happy. At least, that's what I think. I've seen that happen to friends.
   Ask a question
   ◀
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 29 points
7. TaraWuzAlwaysHere
   posted a quote
   August 29, 2013 8:39pm UTC
   Do you ever just stare at someone and think,
   "Wow. I really love them."
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 47 points
8. BlackButterflies
   posted a quote
   August 30, 2013 5:48am UTC
   him: you know, i have noticed that all the best parts of my day are when i'm with you
   no i'm not crying i just caN'T SEE THROUGH THE LOVEHEARTS IN MY EYES
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 103 points
9. Steve*
   posted a quote
   August 27, 2013 9:57pm UTC
   DOES everyone’s voice…
   talksuperfastwhenthingsarewrittenlikethis?
   Or
   in. their. head. pause. between. words. when. a. period. is. placed. between. them?
   ANd IF a PERrSon tyPEs Like thls,
   THey iMagINe a VOiCe going Up AnD Down?
   AND WHEN THE TEXT IS ALL CAPS, YOU SAY IT A LITTLE LOUDER IN YOUR HEAD.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 234 points
10. 
    posted a quote
    January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
    This quote does not exist.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 156 points
11. Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 7:35pm UTC
    xXMidnightXx's format
    It's crazy.
    when i'm with him nothing
    else matters
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 44 points
12. bye*
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2013 4:41pm UTC
    If home is where
    the heart is,
    then you are my
    home,
    because my heart
    has always been
    with you
    (Julie Martinez)
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 35 points
13. 
    posted a quote
    January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
    This quote does not exist.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 258 points
14. celestialerror*
    posted a quote
    July 5, 2013 11:53pm UTC
    ❝Books have to be heavy because the whole world’s inside them.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 70 points
15. x_damaged_x
    posted a quote
    June 23, 2013 12:06am UTC
    Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe. Your eyes. Your smile. Your laugh. Your kisses. Your hugs. Falling asleep in your arms. The way you say my name. Your hair. Your body. Your hands. Your kindness. How you try to make me smile when I'm sad. Your sense of humor. When we cuddle. How comfortable I am around you. How I still get butterflies when someone says your name. The little things you do for me. The way you always say I'm beautiful. How you make me feel safe.
    Him♥
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 74 points
16. Mischief_Managed_
    posted a quote
    June 22, 2013 6:22pm UTC
    England: Someone go call America for me.
    France: How?? He's probobly sleeping like a log-
    Canada: Hold up I got this.
    Canada: Ahem...
    England:
    France:
    Canada: WHAT TEAM?
    *Stumbling and footsteps going down the stairs*
    America: *Busts through door*
    America: WILDCATS!
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 94 points
17. Rajsonkar
    posted a quote
    June 23, 2013 12:41pm UTC
    PHINEAS AND FERB ON WITTYPROFILES
    Phineas: Hey candice, what are you doing
    Candice: I'm posting quotes on a website called wittyprofiles where
    people favourite your quotes and the quote having more faves than
    any other quotes becomes top quote.
    Ferb: *blinks eyes*
    Phineas: *blinks eyes*
    Phineas:ok
    In the backyard
    Phineas: ferb, i know what we are going to do today
    Isabella: hey feneas, whatcha doin ?
    Phineas:we are going to make a wittyprofiles account and posts
    quote
    Isabella: OK, i'll tell you some quotes to post.
    Major: angent P. Doofenshmirtz is spending his all time on
    computer. He is planning something evil. Go find out
    Perry: *goes to doofenshmirtz home*
    Stacey: hey candice, isn't that the picture of your brothers on
    this account on wittyprofiles.
    Candice: yeah, Its thier pic.
    Candice: Phineas , ferb, Is the account Paf6324 is your account?
    Phineas: yeah candice, this website is good. We posted 100 quotes
    and 5000 followes in 1 hour.
    Candice: *shocked* what? Thats not fair. Im on witty for 6 months
    and got just 50 followers.
    Phineas: well, dont be upset, you'll get more
    Candice: Im gonna tell this to mom, you are so in trouble.
    Random stranger: *comments on Phineas and ferb's account* hey you
    guys look so young in profile pic. Aint you too young to have a
    witty account?
    Phineas: yes, we are
    Stranger:ok then its always good to see kids joining witty
    Background music: doofenshmirtz evil in corporated
    *perry gets trapped in a cage*
    Doofenshmirtz: oh hey perry the platipus come. I was waiting for
    you. See this, this is delete-inator Ok im going to tell you my
    evil plan. My brother is too famous on social networks and i am
    not. So i decided to delete his account with this
    delete-inator.
    Candice: mom mom Phineas and ferb have a secret account on a
    website. Come come, over there
    Mom: ok candice,
    *perry gets himself out of the cage and kicks doofenshmirtz*
    *doofenshmirtz switches on delete-inator*
    *perry kicks doofenshmirtz*
    *doofenshmirtz hits delete-inator which cause change in the
    direction of the rays coming from delete-inator*
    *rays go to Phineas and ferb's computer and delete thier
    account*
    *delete-inator gets broken*
    Doofenshmirtz: curse you perry the platipus.
    Candice: mom mom come *mom comes and checks the computer*
    Mom: candice, there is no any account with username Paf6324, but
    isn't that you on this account candiceJ.
    Candice: but but but *shocked*
    Perry:grrr
    Phineas: oh there you are perry
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 526 points
18. GetInMyVanItHasFreeWifi
    posted a quote
    June 17, 2013 4:23pm UTC
    This is for all of you who need help and comfort.
    I'm going to let you in on a piece of insight that only came from years and years of feeling just the same way you do. Honestly and truthfully, no one else's opinion matters. What's more is that all of those things you think people are judging you or hating you for are not true. It's not the outside world that's judging you so harshly, it's yourself. Now here's another thing to keep in mind: you, right now at this very moment, are a miracle. The very fact that you are taking in air to your lungs, that your eyes can blink and your mind can think and your body can move and function, defies all logic and is, in itself, the most magnificent thing ever to occur in the universe. Human life - your human life - is such a brilliantly wondrous thing, and that means that no matter what you do, you are defying the odds and being the best that you possibly can be. That is all you need, and the most important thing is that you can see that beautiful light in yourself. Once you do, you'll see that no one thought about you the way you feared, and you know what? Even if some blind and spiteful person does at some point think something mean, it doesn't matter. They are just a tiny particle in your vast world, and their eyes haven't been opened to the magic that is your existence. You are perfect, and you are wonderful.
    If you ever need someone to vent to, I am always here for you. Always. And there is one particular website I want you to try: thequietplaceproject.com. There are different parts to this website: "The Quiet Place" shows that you can live without things like your phone, laptop, stuff like that - it's life changing. "The 90 seconds relaxation exercise" will calm you down if you are feeling angry or overly stressed like many of us do. "The thoughts room" will let you vent freely, there is no limit, nobody will see it and it will be erased from existence as soon as you tap enter. And "the comfort spot" lets you vent (anonymously if you wish) and other strangers will comment and help you. You can also view other people's posts and help them out too. It's amazing and it's helped me so much, I know for sure it will help you too.
    Sorry this was so long; but really, the website I mentioned does help so so so much, thank you for reading :) Please spread word.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 138 points
19. ThatsSoMeee
    posted a quote
    June 17, 2013 1:45pm UTC
    it takes 30 seconds
    to type a text message
    that will make her smile
    for hours.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 581 points
20. glitter162*
    posted a quote
    June 15, 2013 5:14pm UTC
    There is no logical reason for
    shorts to be the same price as pants.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 147 points

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