I hate this so much. This is so stupid. i dont even hate you.... i think its ridiculous what you put me through. but i'm not one to hold a grudge. It's just dumb that we can walk past eachother acting as if we have never talked before. I dont know about you but that just feels like a stab in my heart. I'm not going to lie, i'm going to be straight up, what you did to me hurt me alot, more than you can even see. I'm not just saying that to make you feel bad, i'm telling you the straight up truth right now, i was really hurt. I blamed myself for the longest time. I thought it was me. and being disappointed in yourself if the worst feeling ever. I blamed myself for the person i am and thats not okay cause i literally hated myself. I hated myself because i didnt think i was good enough. This is what i always go through with guys. I'm always the one who gets hurt. i cant even think of a time i have been the person hurting someone else. I havent even ever been in a serious relationship. Thats how much i get lead on or played. And you can deny it all you want but jake, you lead me on and you messed with my head. I dont think you meant to take it this far but it did get this far. I think you liked the fact that someone was chasing after you and you liked the fact that you had so much control over me. You know thats true. It just really sucks because i truly thought that it could of worked out with you, and i believed in your lies whenever you acted like you liked me. I have ever since freshman year. You made me look so stupid when you told me you didnt feel the same way, and thats something i dont think i will ever be able to forget because it was one of the worst feelings in the world. I had to go through the stupidest thing ever, Getting over someone you never even dated. and it just sucks so much. I missed you so much everyday and passing you in the halls was so hard looking the other way acting like i didnt care, but trust me, i did care. In fact im not going to lie, i still miss you, i still care, it's just that i know theres nothing i can do about it. You can deny the fact that you played me but i truly know you lead me on and played me. I just wish you could realize how much you hurt me. If you really knew.... You just dont see the difference between the person you think i am, and the person i really am. No im not here to make you feel bad for me, i just want you to realize what you did was wrong and messed up in so many ways. I dont know if i will ever be able to look at you in the same ways i used to look at you and i dont know if i will ever be able to have the respect i used to have for you. I just want things to be normal and i dont want things to be awkward anymore. i dont want to hate eachother. I mean i dont know if i would ever be able to forgive you for putting me through everything you have put my through, but i defenitly can just accept the fact that it already happend.
should i say this to him!? i havent talked to him in a month... i dont know if saying this would be the right thing.... or if its what will help me move on and get the closure i need....help me:/