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Status: holding on..

Member Since: 11 Feb 2010 11:16pm

Last Seen: 24 Nov 2020 03:23am

user id: 101057

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Alyssa. 05/11/2013 <3
If I've every truly cared about you,
I'll think about you for the rest of my life.
  1. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    November 21, 2020 10:41pm UTC
    If I were to disappear and stop talking to everyone, no one would even notice. I don't get phone calls or texts from anyone. People tell me they'll call me and they never do. Even if it's just "right after we get back from lunch". I get forgotten about easily I guess. I know that I'm just one person in the entire world... one tiny speck in the entire universe, but why do I feel like I have to wander through it alone? Why doesn't someone think about me and send me messages or even memes just to tell me they were thinking about me? When someone I think is a friend is having a rough time, I ALWAYS reach out.. no matter what and try to support them any way I can. I try to make sure they know that I'm always here if they wanna talk or do whatever to get their minds off of whatever is bothering them. And when I do, they always tell me they care about me too and that they will be there for me too, but they don't. They don't reach out. They don't text just to say hi. Why don't they check in on me? I just don't understand why I've been cursed. Cursed to love, cherish, and have empathy for everyone around me, yet I'm not even a blip on anyone's radar. Am I too weird? Am I mean? Do I say the wrong things? Am I too ugly or fat? Like, I just don't understand. I really don't understand why I always feel so alone. I try and try to make friends. I try to be someone's friend. It just never works out, and at this point.. it's been so long I'm not sure it ever will work out for me. I'm not going to hurt myself; I don't have the urge to. I just want to understand. I want to see me through someone else's eyes. I want to know what is so bland and so transparent about me that I am invisibile to basically the entire world. I just want to be found.. by a group of people who check in on me, care about me, and let me know they're thinking of me. A group of people that I can actually call friends.

  2. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    November 15, 2020 6:03pm UTC
    What is the point of my existence?No one can stand to be around me.I alienate myself for other people’s happiness.Even at the expense of my own.Makes me wonder if I was justbetter off never being born.

  3. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2020 6:30pm UTC
    I thought I had worth, but according to literally everyone else... I don’t. All of my boyfriends’ parents hated me and made or wanted them to break up with me. My school teachers expected nothing or the worst from me. My co-workers complain about me in general and me isolating myself, but when I try to connect they push me away. It seems like no matter what I do, I am never enough. What is wrong with me? I would give the shirt off my back for someone. I would be there for them no matter what. I would support them, even if their opinions and decisions didn’t match mine. I would fight for them, and stick up for them. I would genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings. I would do damn near anything for them; for a good friend. But I’d never get any of that back. I never have. Like everyone has apparently been trying to tell me my entire life, I just have no worth. I am disposable. I am a burden and weirdo. Why am I here ? Why was I given life when I have no one who cares enough to share it with ? What’s the point ?

  4. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2020 6:16pm UTC
    It all just feels like it was a game.You only wanted me more becausethey wanted you to leave me.Are your feelings even real?

  5. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    August 6, 2020 9:13pm UTC
    I don't know why, but I get stuck in this loop of reading our old quotes. I guess I just like to reminisce about life back then.
    I read some of the quotes and all I can do is just cry. I cry at the sad ones, and I cry at the happy ones. I wonder what
    life would be like if we both tried to make it work at the same time. It seems timing was a major issue for us. But now there
    is no us and that's okay. I am happy where I am now in my relationship. I think what gets me the most is all of the wild and
    unfiltered emotions that we shared. Now we're strangers. We both know you hurt me, and we both know that I hurt you.
    Knowing that, I am so unimaginably sorry for everything. Just know, that I was unaware of the pain that I put you through
    while it was happening. At the time, I may not have cared because it was the same way you hurt me. How you pretty much
    left me behind. Although, that doesn't make it any better or right. I will never not be sorry for how things went on both ends.
    No matter how much I look back or replay memories, the sorrow and the guilt never gets any easier. I wish it did.
    Maybe that's why I keep writing about it?

  6. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    August 5, 2020 8:12pm UTC
    I wish we didn't reduce ourselves to being strangers again.

  7. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    May 10, 2020 10:05pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  8. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    April 20, 2020 7:20am UTC
    sick of crying,
    tired of trying.
    yeah i'm smiling,
    but inside I'm dying. ♥

  9. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    April 20, 2020 6:33am UTC
    Hey you,
    little did you know
    that I was the one that wanted to vent
    Someone with no one to talk to.

  10. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    April 12, 2020 4:22am UTC
    Hello There;
    I've missed you.

  11. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    February 15, 2020 6:21pm UTC
    i hate my birthday. its always the day i feel like the biggest burden.

  12. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    April 7, 2018 1:02pm UTC
    why is it so hard for me to cut anymore ?everytime i try, i cant ever bring myself to do it.i hold the blade against my skin but it doesnt move.i used to get such a rush out of it.it used to take the pain away.i dont know what changed or why.but i cant, and i wish i could.

  13. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    January 28, 2018 8:22pm UTC
    Oh the wonders my mind seeks

  14. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    September 29, 2017 12:16am UTC
    I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t want people trying to “fix” me or trying to “help” me. I want to be left alone. I want to be understood. And I want to be able to do what I want. Am I strong enough to overcome self infliction? Am I strong enough to keep the monsters inside me at bay? No. No, probably not. But I’ll be damned if I let them stay. So I’ll give up this time, like I always do.. and let them pass through. Then, I’ll be okay for a little while. Then, I’ll finally be fine. Sooner or later, they’ll come back though. They always do..

  15. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    July 4, 2017 11:32am UTC
    It happened so long ago.
    Why do I still care ?
    Why does it still hurt ?
    I just want it to stop.

  16. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    March 18, 2014 6:45pm UTC
    How many times do I have to think about suicide before I actually do it ?

  17. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2014 2:08am UTC
    If you looked at me, you'd never know.
    The pain of silence doesn't show.
    I'm here one second, then I'm not.
    By then I'm sure you all forgot.
    This time I think you get the gist
    I feel like I really don't even exist.
    I'm writing this down, but I don't know why.
    No one would even bother to try.
    I sit and I think of all that could be.
    If I didn't feel like I was drowning under the sea.
    I cry and I lay for hours on end.
    Hoping that soon I might have a friend.
    Who actually knows me and how I feel.
    But I know that friend could never be real.
    I know how to love and I know how to laugh.
    I can show you, it's my best balancing act.
    I promise to fight, and I promise to try.
    Until one day, I'll finally learn how to fly.

  18. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2012 12:59am UTC
    I just love it when I can't wait for you to get home so you can eat and go to bed.
    It's just an awesome feeling..

  19. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    July 14, 2012 11:42pm UTC
    I've got a cute face
    Chubby waist
    Thick legs, in shape
    Rump shakin' both ways
    Make you do a double take

  20. scrappy scrappy
    posted a quote
    July 13, 2012 12:53pm UTC
    Set your
    heart free.


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