scrappy posted a quote
January 18, 2020 4:49pm UTC
So it’s been a while since you’ve been on here. I just wanted to let you know that I wonder how you are doing every now and again. I love this show that kind of reminds me of Keys to the Kingdom that you used to read to me. It’s called The Magicians. I really like this show. I just wanted to tell you because I remember you saying that the author wouldn’t search for someone to make it into a movie, but he would accept it if someone read the books, loved them, and wanted to make a movie from them. But I think we both knew it wasn’t going to happen, so this is a really close second.
why is it so hard for me to cut anymore ?everytime i try, i cant ever bring myself to do it.i hold the blade against my skin but it doesnt move.i used to get such a rush out of it.it used to take the pain away.i dont know what changed or why.but i cant, and i wish i could.
scrappy posted a quote
January 21, 2018 11:29pm UTC
I finally got the courage to tell you I was sorry for everything I put you through. Even though I know you couldn't see me, I still tried to hold back the tears, but I failed. I don't know why it hurts me so bad. Maybe it was because I've always loved you. Maybe it's because neither of us had trust and that's what lead us to failure. I guess we'll never know now. And even though I've apologized.. It still hurts. It still lingers and bothers me. But at least now I can say I did it and work on it from there. Talking the other day was nice. It was nice to catch up. It brought back a lot of memories. It made me feel like maybe I hadn't lost you as a friend. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you, or at least help you through everything you went through after me. I feel like part of it was my fault. If I never left, would everything have gone differently for us ? Still, we'll never know. But it's never bad to wonder what could've been.
scrappy posted a quote
September 29, 2017 12:16am UTC
I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t want people trying to “fix” me or trying to “help” me. I want to be left alone. I want to be understood. And I want to be able to do what I want. Am I strong enough to overcome self infliction? Am I strong enough to keep the monsters inside me at bay? No. No, probably not. But I’ll be damned if I let them stay. So I’ll give up this time, like I always do.. and let them pass through. Then, I’ll be okay for a little while. Then, I’ll finally be fine. Sooner or later, they’ll come back though. They always do..
I wish that I could see the future. I wish I knew the outcomes of my actions. I wish someone would tell me when I'm going to do something that I regret. And I wish I could take back all the things I've said and done. None of these are possible, but a girl can still wish, can't she? She regrets some things, and she remembers a lot. So she can wish, right? Who's to tell her no? The only person who can listen to her wish. The only one who can say, "It's okay." Even though she won't believe it. The one she's hurt, time and time again. The one she wishes about. The one she's acted out against. Only that one person can heal her broken heart. Only the one can repair her thoughts, her feelings, and her soul. But until then, she will continue to: Have recurring miserable memories. Regret things she's said and done. Think about what could've happened, had she not done what she did. Think about it constantly and cry, just like he did, when she hurt him.
Hey there, we haven't spoken in a while. I still come on here though, hoping that maybe you'll see my apology. I read through your quotes about me. The quotes that show how much pain I put you through get me the most. It's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm miserable. These times I often look back at our pictures, and witty, and pretty much anything I can cling onto to rememeber. It usually makes it worse. How could I be so careless? How could I be so selfish? How could I be so heartless? I still promise you that nothing ever happened between me and anyone else while I was with you. I could never do that. I constantly think about you still. I hope that you are doing well, and that the family is doing well, that you still have your abundance of friends. I worry what your mother and father think of me. How wretched I am to them.. I cry. Even though it's been years, I still cry. I still wonder what it would've been like had everything worked out in our favor. I'm not still in love with you, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but I do want you to know that I am not as heartless as I've treated you and I regret it every day. You deserved so much better than what you were given. I hate myself for it. Every moment that I think about it, it hurts. I often recall memories of us. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but it makes me happy knowing that we've made memories. You loved me, through the good and the bad, unconditionally. I thank you for that. There are no words that could either thank you, or apologize to you for everything. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Don't ever forget that. And, please, don't ever forget about me, because I haven't even begun to forget any of our memories. They're still vivid as the day we made them.
scrappy posted a quote
October 13, 2014 6:30am UTC
It's just sickening. All the memories you bring back. I've moved on, for sure. I'm with someone new. But I can't help but wondering, was everything you've ever said true? Projection is by far the worst demon, but it usually tells the awful truth. Sorry things happened the way they did. I feel terrible for the way I treated you. I felt trapped and under pressure. I couldn't breathe, and it was like the walls were closing in. I promise I was never unfaithful. I had friends that you didn't approve of, but never acted on any impulses. Never even shook my loyalty to you. I apologize for everything that happened. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope you can understand why. You'll probably never read this, but I can't talk to you because of my mate. So I'll leave this here, just in case you do. And if not, this was just to get it off my chest. Thank all of you for your time.
If you looked at me, you'd never know. The pain of silence doesn't show. I'm here one second, then I'm not. By then I'm sure you all forgot. This time I think you get the gist I feel like I really don't even exist. I'm writing this down, but I don't know why. No one would even bother to try. I sit and I think of all that could be. If I didn't feel like I was drowning under the sea. I cry and I lay for hours on end. Hoping that soon I might have a friend. Who actually knows me and how I feel. But I know that friend could never be real. I know how to love and I know how to laugh. I can show you, it's my best balancing act. I promise to fight, and I promise to try. Until one day, I'll finally learn how to fly.