Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

samanthalaughs

  1. melonroxs melonroxs
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 8:16pm UTC
    Cop jokes aren't funny.
    So give it arrest.

  2. Shawnie13 Shawnie13
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 7:05pm UTC
     
     
    Simba was walking a little slow
     so I told him, "Musfasa".
     

  3. BriBri27 BriBri27
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 9:26pm UTC
    Does anyone else wonder what the man who announces the shows in Disney looks likee??

  4. neonbubbles neonbubbles
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 4:33pm UTC
    me watching the olympics when i was 8: Oh that's nice
    me watching the olympics when i was 12: Wow I hope we win
    me watching the olympics now: i'm going to f*ck the entire swim team and no one can stop me

  5. ANICOLE ANICOLE
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 8:26pm UTC
    Me: What does a cow sound like?
    Baby Nephew: Moo!
    Me: What does a pig sound like?
    Baby Nephew: Oink!
    Me: What does a duck sound like?
    Baby Newphew: Aflack!
    LMFAO. true story. <3

  6. LilyTree LilyTree
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 7:34pm UTC
    Dumb guys go for dumb girls and smart
    guys go for dumb girls, and you know
    what us smart girls get?
    That's right.
    CATS.

  7. EdwardScissorhands EdwardScissorhands
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 6:16pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  8. littleleftofthemiddle littleleftofthemiddle
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 7:06pm UTC
    Website: did you know that the more attracted you are to a person, the easier it is for
    that individual to make you laugh?
    Me:
    Me:
    Me:
    Me:
    Me:
    Me: is that why i laugh at my own jokes

  9. iloveyou731 iloveyou731
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 6:27pm UTC
    Me: Do you want fries with that?
    Me: Do you want fries with that? *american accent*
    Me: Do you want fries with that? *British accent*
    Mum:
    Mum:
    Dad: What are you doing?
    Me: Im practicing for when i have to work in McDonalds after i fail school and am forced to live in a cardboard box...
    Dad: Where did we go wrong with you?
    Mum: maybe something to do with dropping her as a baby
    Me: What
    Dad:
    Dad: What
    True story

  10. legit7 legit7
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 2:57pm UTC
    Snapple: made from the best stuff on earth
    me: OMG I AM DRINKING ONE DIRECTION!?!

  11. littleleftofthemiddle littleleftofthemiddle
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 8:48pm UTC
    Q tips?
    no, no, no, b/tch, it's
    Cotton Schwabs
    zoey101 < 3
    mine :)

  12. LiliBlackHeart LiliBlackHeart
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 7:17pm UTC
    Harry styles: I went to the virgin islands
    Harry styles: Now they're just the islands
    nmq/nmf

  13. BandGeeekk BandGeeekk
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 9:38pm UTC
    Every year:
    Me: I wonder whos in my class??!?!
    *person walks in*
    Me: OHHHHH HELLLL NOOOOOOOO

  14. littleleftofthemiddle littleleftofthemiddle
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 9:18pm UTC
    *shaving in the shower*
    Me: *finally shaves efficiently*
    Me: SUCCESS
    Me:
    Me:
    Me:
    Me: awh, sh/t. there's another leg.

  15. kitten7121 kitten7121
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 6:06pm UTC
    Gerry: Let's say you haven't eaten in days and you're in desperate need of a sandwich. What do you do?
    Alex: I walk over to our sandwhich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.
    Gerry: Okay yes..but uh....Mom's not here.
    Justin: Where's Mom?!
    Gerry: It's not important where she is. Uuuh, she's gone, she left the country.
    Justin: She left the country?! Why, is she okay?
    Gerry: Yes, she's fine!
    Alex: Well if she's fine I don't see why she couldn't make me a sandwich!
    Wizards Of Waverly Place

  16. calmurself calmurself
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 5:07pm UTC
    Childhood is like being drunk
    everyone remembers what you did except you.

  17. emmeg8 emmeg8
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 5:05pm UTC
    I want a hug.
    But not just a normal hug. No. I want one of those
    pick-me-up-off-my-feet-squeeze-me-tight-spin-me-
    around-hurts-my-tummy-but-still-makes-me-smile-
    gives-me-butterflies- [♥][♥][♥][♥][♥][♥] kind of hug.
    nmf/kinda my quote

  18. xEmmax xEmmax
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 8:14pm UTC
    Who else remembers
    Carl from Jimmy Neutron who was obsessed with llamas?

  19. AustinH AustinH
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 9:32pm UTC
    China is only winning in the Olympics
    because they made all the equipment.

  20. MyGoldenBarbie MyGoldenBarbie
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2012 4:37pm UTC
    Radio: I threw a wish in the well.Don't ask me,I'll never tell. I looked to you as it fell,and now you're in my way.
    Me: No.
    Radio: I'd trade my soul for a wish.Pennies and dimes for a kiss. I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way.
    Me: Shhh.
    Radio: Your stare was holdin'.Ripped jeans,skin was showin'.
    Me: ....
    Radio: Hot night,wind was blowin'.
    Me: WHERE YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING BABY.

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2024 Witty Profiles