I couldn’t breathe and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. He kicked the chair and as I watched it fall to the floor I knew I couldn’t save him this time. It was my fault though, I had been ignoring him because he made me furious. He thought no one cared. He thought no one would notice if he was gone. I tried to tell him but I couldn't get the words out. I wanted to tell him I loved him but the words were stuck in my mouth like gum to the bottom of your shoes. He's gone now though. I won’t be able to see his bright blue puppy dog eyes as they look me over as if he were an astronomer and I was a star. I couldn’t go to the funeral; I couldn’t bear to see his hollow body knowing if I had been there three minutes earlier he would still be here. I never thought three minutes could be life changing. In those three minutes my world went from how it had always been, smiles and hugs, to the crumpled beginning of a story from a writer that ran out of ideas. He had told me he was going to do it a thousand times before. I could always talk him out of it, but this time I was too far gone. I had gone to a party and I had been drinking. When he called I was on my fourth beer and I was in no way ready for what he was about to say. He called to apologize, but I didn’t give him the chance. I was so caught up in screaming at him for what he had done that I didn’t let him say what he called for. Before he hung up he said goodbye. He never said goodbye, because goodbye means going away and going away means forever. I didn’t think about it though; people say goodbye all the time but not him. He didn’t want to leave me ever. He was more than my best friend, he was the sun to my earth. Everything I did revolved around him. He was so afraid to lose me but never thought I would be just as afraid to lose him too. After the party I was feeling guilty so I went to his house to apologize. When I got there his parents were passed out on the raggedy old red couch that had always been there, so I snuck up to his room. When I opened the door he was standing on a chair with the rope around his neck. “No!” I screamed in despair, but I was too late. I watched him kick the chair out from underneath him, leaving him dangling from the ceiling of his bedroom. The chair hit the floor with a loud thud as I stood there in disbelief.
“Be quiet!” His mom yelled from below us.When she heard me start sobbing she came running. She had never really seen me breakdown since I was little, crying over a scraped knee. She picked me up off the floor like I was a baby that was screaming for its mother. She looked up and it then made sense to her. My whole world had just tried to disappear forever. Eli had just surrendered in the never ending battle of life. Susan called to Eli’s dad. She sounded like she had been waiting for him to kill himself. She sounded like a little kid on christmas after weeks of waiting.When Liam got up stairs he had just said finally. I was far too upset to say anything,but in my head I was screaming. I was screaming at Liam because his son, my best friend, had just killed himself and he was as happy as I had ever seen him.
almost alice*