The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my friends and their help. Everyone needs one.. so if you need a friend send me an email: littlemizzclutz@gmail I got my witty sisters(:
About Me: My name shall be Taylor, I'm fifteen years old but most days I swear I'm only three (: I don't have any problems like my parents being divorced or any one being totally dead in my family. Which is part of the reason I feel so stupid saying this...but I'm messed up, I mean depression,anxiety,anoerxic messed up. But I know I'll be okay cuz I got my friends (:
It never crossed my mind at all, It doesn't matter anymore That's what I tell myself My feelings toward you What we had has come and gone You've moved on and I was to blind to see, You're better off with someone else What you really meant to me... It's for the best I know it is but I see you Noone to blame but myself Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside You're long gone And I turn around, you're with her now, At least you're with someone else that makes I just can't figure it out... You happier then I ever could Tell me why you're so hard to forget At least I get to you smile... Don't remind me, I'm not over it that's all that matters to me. Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth You're happiness... I'm just a little too not over you, not over you So this is it, my final goodbye... Aren't memories supposed to fade? What's wrong with my heart? Shake it off, let it go Didn't think it'd be this hard Should be strong, movin' on but I see you Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside And I turn around, you're with her now I just can't figure it out Tell me why you're so hard to forget Don't remind me, I'm not over it Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth I'm just a little too not over you Maybe I regret everything I said and did No way to take it all back, yeah Now I'm on my own, how I let you go I'll never understand I'll never understand... Tell me why you're so hard to forget Don't remind me, I'm not over it Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth I'm just a little too not over you Tell me why you're so hard to forget Don't remind me, I'm not over it Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth And I really don't know what to do I'm just a little too not over you
You're moving on...you're happier without me. Everyone can see it. Why can't I just accept that you are not my forever no matter what I want to think.... Maybe because I still want to be proven wrong.....
I put every single thing that reminded me of you into my closet. The penguin, the flowers, the snoball locker dec, the Christmas card you gave me, and the picture frame of us. All of that stuff was in my closet... I took it out today. Putting that stuff away won't make my hurt any less, pretending we never happened won't make me forget you or all the memories. You may have forgotten but I won't... I never will. So I'm going to stop pretending putting some meaningless items into a closet will fix this. It won't. I'm going to stop hoping every text message will be you. It's not. I'm going to put on my big girl panties and deal with the fact that I lost the best friend I have ever had. At least you're happy.
I logged on here to rant about my ex boyfriend and the guy I thought he was and the people we have become when we are together. I logged on to do that... But now that I'm here, with a blank screen in front of me and the world at my finger tips.. I have nothing to say... The tears I've cried for you could fill an ocean.. The hurt I feel at what is lost could crush Kranos.. I can't rant because I lost the words for what we had...
Breakups suck. They suck for the person doing the break up and they suck for the person being broken up with. But I think the worst part is that when a breakup happens it can never go back to the way it was. It can never be as good as it was before or as simple and as fun as it was during. But I guess that's why it's called a break up isn't it, because it's broken. The relationship is broken, it doesn't matter how long you guys were friends or how much you promised no matter what nothing would change. Whatever you two had is broken and it will never be fixed. No amount of ducttape or gorilla glue or glue or hot cocoa or anything will ever fix it. And that sucks. It sucks seeing the person everyday and looking at them and remembering that it use to be them that would hold you and kiss you and take all the pain away. It sucks realizing that your late night texts won't exist anymore, the hour long phone calls won't happen. It sucks looking at the person and seeing how much they are hurting and being able to do nothing about it. Putting it brief, break ups suck. They suck when you cry yourself to sleep when they originally happen, they suck when you see them for the first time the next day, they suck when your anniversary rolls by, they suck when you realize you miss them and will never have them back. Breakups suck. I'm going lesbian.
ihaveneverfeltmoreworthlessinmylifethenyoumanagedtodoinahour.... I hope your happy, bringing your daughter to almost hurt the butterfly. Bet your glad I still talk to him right now, if not you should be because he's the sole reason I didnt.
I just needed to get this out, read or not, doesn't matter to me. I've been pretty quiet about Amanda Todd but lately I've realized something. This year for whatever reason bullying has really taken a apart in my life. I go to Greendale High School and if any of you in the Wisconsin area watch the news you will know that their was a bomb threat at my school all because the person taht made the threat was majorly bullied. Bullying is horrible, no getting around it, and noone should ever have to deal with it or go threw it. This kid at my school was bullied so bad he threatened the school and permanently messed up his life. Amanda todd was bullied so bad she ended her life. Kids are bullied every day...Every 15 minutes someone commits suicide. I was almost one of them and two of them have been someone I know. Suicide needs to stop, but mainly the reason behind it, bullying, needs to end... and if thats what we want to do with what Amanda Todd then okay, let's do it. But let's stop using her as a poster child, she deserves some peace.
The thing is... We may not have had the best relationship at the end, we may have faught like crazy, we drove each other crazy... No we didn't have a great relationship at the end...but I can't seem to forget what we had at the beginning. You know..the sweet random kisses, our first kiss, the first time we held hands, the first time you put your arm around me, when our eyes would meet and we would just smile... your smile... i miss it already... i miss you already and it hasn't even been twenty four hours. The thing is... I love you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, become your wife... I wanted us to last forever, not the bullshit kind but the actual real forever... But you were right.. we needed it to end... the thing though.. i didn't want to. I wanted us to make it...and now... i'll never know and that's what's killing me the most.
School. It brings along drama, homework, new friends, things to do, sports, fall. But for me it brings fear, fear that i'll slip back into old habits and starve myself or cut. And this year.. I don't have therapy or meds to help. This year I'm doing it alone. But this year. I'll be the strongest I've ever been, I'm terrified yes, but I'm not weak. Not anymore. For once, I'll be standing tall and holding my head up high. I'm going to stop being scared, I can't handle it anymore...
One of these days I'm going to walk around wearing as shirt that says: Depression, Anxiety, Anoerxia, A Cutter, and across all of that Me. I don't look depressed but I am, I seem like I'm perfectly fine in my body, I'm not. The teasing for things like this is getting old..and I'm going to do something about it. Maybe by doing this I will get made of and laughed at and probably noone will care but at least I know I tried.
Where's the girl I knew, Staring in the mirror. Smiling brighter then the sun. Eyes filled with all bits of evil fun. Where's the girl I knew, with an innocent mind, sworn to help others No matter the cost to her. Where's the girl I knew, No worries, No troubles, No tears in her eyes. Where is she when I draw the knife. Where are you...when I need you most...
This summer, I'm going to change. I'm going to change my friends, my life, the way I think, the way I express myself, and the way I dress. Maybe it will be the stupidest thing I've ever done. Maybe I will lose a ton of friends from it. Maybe I'll regret. But maybe...just maybe... I'll finally find my place in this world.
You were suppose to be the one person to realize my smile was fake. The one person to realize that I was hurting behind everything. The one person to care enough to fight with me when I said everything was "fine". Guess not. I was right..... noone cares.