i live my life through phases of despising myself and loving myself unconditionally. whilst the latter probably seems better in theory, i'm questioning to what extent it makes me happy. whilst i'm feeling good about myself and my appearance, i want others to be loud about how they like me too and often that doesn't happen, which disheartens me and i give up liking myself because no one else does.
i've just come across all of my old witty accounts, earliest being from 2010, i think. part of me wishes that i'd kept the same one for these six years, because the character development would be so easy to look at.
you're supposedly meant to be drawn to those in life who have similar opinions on the primary issues in life, as a part of human nature. could someone please then explain to me why i surround myself with people with the most contrasting beliefs to mine, so different that i despise talking to them about anything?
types of tea and when to drink them (a guide by me) i. green; when you're anxious or stressed ii. camomile; when your skin looks dry and sad iii. black; when you're lacking energy or you need a pick me up iv. rosehip; when you feel really ill or really sad v. peppermint; when you're stressed, when you're super spotty, when you have muscle pain, when you can't sleep or when you're studying
when i was younger, i tried incredibly hard to learn new words. alturistic, ineffable, lithe, sempiternal, euphonious. but now I lack the motivation to learn new words, new languages; and that scares me intensely.
charlotte * posted a quote
December 22, 2014 7:47am UTC
it scares me how much has changed in a year. it scares me that this time last year i was with someone that was completely manipulating me and i didn't realise. it scares me that this time last year i had isolated myself from everyone. it scares me that last year i didn't think anyone would ever love me. it's scary how things change, because now i don't see or even speak to that person. i now have everyone i love close. i'm now in a steady relationship. it's scary how things change in such a short space of time.
tomorrow, you could get hit by a car and die. today, even. we are vulnerable without realising and there's nothing we can do. we never know when it's going to end. why waste time wondering what if. let people know that you love them and let them know you apreiate them. tell that person that you think their eyes are pretty or that you'd really like to kiss them. tell the person you like that you think they are wonderful. go out and run in fields. dye your hair that weird colour, don't think about peoples' reactions. live your life, because one day, you won't be able to.
I am constantly torn between thinking I am too good or not good enough. I have days where I look at myself and think, 'God. you're perfect'. I have days where I look at myself and I want to tear my skin to shreds because all I see is touching thighs big hips stretch marks fat arms. I am in a constant cycle of confusion and hatred because I cannot decide if I am too beautiful, or not beautiful enough
have you ever...? bold the ones you've done (i'm bored -graduated high school -smoked a cigarette -gotten so drunk you passed out -rode every ride at an amusement park -collected something really stupid -gone to a rock concert -helped someone -gone fishing -watched four movies in one night -gone long periods of time without sleep -snorted cocaine -failed a class -smoked weed -dealt drugs -been in a car accident -been in a tornado -done hard drugs -watched someone die -been to a funeral -burned yourself -ran a marathon -cried yourself to sleep -spent $200+ dollars in one day -flown on an aeroplane -cheated on someone -been cheated on -written a ten page letter -gone skiing -been sailing -cut yourself by accident -cut yourself on purpose -had a best friend -lost a loved one -shoplifted something -been to jail -skipped school -skipped a class -had detention -gotten in trouble for something you didn't do -stolen books from the library -gone to a foreign country -dropped out of school -been in a mental hospital -watched the harry potter movies -had an online diary -fired a gun -had a yard sale -had a lemonade sale -actually made money at the lemonade sale -been in a school play -been fired from a job -taken a lie detector test -swam with dolphins -gone to sea world -voted for someone on a reality tv show -written poetry -read more than 20 books in a year -gone to europe -loved someone you can't have -used a coloring book over age twelve -had surgery -had stitches -taken a taxi -seen the washington monument -had more than five online conversations going at once -overdosed -had a drug or alcohol problem -been in a fist fight -suffered any form of abuse -gone surfing in california -had a hamster -pet a wild animal -used a credit card -did spirit day at your school -dyed your hair -got a tattoo -had something pierced -got straight a's -been on the honor roll -known someone with hiv or aids -drank alcohol -cried when someone died -felt someone up/got felt up -kissed someone -went farther than kissing someone -been in love -been heartbroken -missed your ex