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nevergrowup89

nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I'm proud of you and if it's you the good, I hope you enjoy your time spent here. I agree and wish we could have met later. If we had... Who knows what would have happened. I know being the support system is hard, you think very poorly of me but currently I'm the support system for everyone in my life which is having a very bad impact on me. But I'm surviving.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
It is me! I'm going on a mission trip with my church youth group to Detroit (:

Anyways, back to the more serious stuff. I never thought poorly of you. I'm just angry beyond belief, but I know that you are an amazing person who deserves great things that I could never give you. I hope your man can give you everything you need and more, because I know you've literally been to he.ll and back and you deserve amazing things. Things have literally come full circle...I'm now the age you were when we met. It'll almost be three years. And I'm sorry I can't stay in your life, because you really are an amazing person, but I can't do long distance, especially with you, crazy girl :P
I don't want to say love you, but I'll at least say that I care about you a lot and pray that you have a better life down the road than the one you were living when we were together. You'll always have a place in my heart. And now I'm crying so...

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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I don't remember what was going through my head... We hadn't talked in months and I know we promised we wouldn't move on but I did. I couldn't handle the online relationship anymore and that isn't an excuse but I couldn't stand it anymore. And it wasn't because I wanted to sleep with him, we've been together a year and haven't even done that yet. So please don't think that was it. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to. I did love you. I just couldn't stay in s relationship where I couldn't talk to them whenever I needed them. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have and I regret how I went about it. I know I'm a hypocrite and like I said, I'm sorry.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
Accepting apologies is the hardest part, and some part of me doesn't want to move on because to quote the ever lovely Alex Vause, "when you have a connection with someone, it really never goes away". I was unsure about it at first, but I really did care about you. Last year was rough for me and it was hard to be my own support as well as yours. I wish we would've met later in life because we would have been a helluva couple. Oh and two things....one- seven months clean BOOM two- guess who is going to be literally like thirty minutes from you this summer?
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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I'm proud of you and if it's you the good, I hope you enjoy your time spent here. I agree and wish we could have met later. If we had... Who knows what would have happened. I know being the support system is hard, you think very poorly of me but currently I'm the support system for everyone in my life which is having a very bad impact on me. But I'm surviving.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
It is me! I'm going on a mission trip with my church youth group to Detroit (:

Anyways, back to the more serious stuff. I never thought poorly of you. I'm just angry beyond belief, but I know that you are an amazing person who deserves great things that I could never give you. I hope your man can give you everything you need and more, because I know you've literally been to he.ll and back and you deserve amazing things. Things have literally come full circle...I'm now the age you were when we met. It'll almost be three years. And I'm sorry I can't stay in your life, because you really are an amazing person, but I can't do long distance, especially with you, crazy girl :P
I don't want to say love you, but I'll at least say that I care about you a lot and pray that you have a better life down the road than the one you were living when we were together. You'll always have a place in my heart. And now I'm crying so...

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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448

It isn't. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry, if you don't accept my apology I understand. I know I hurt you. I wish I could go back and go about it a different way. I hope you find happiness, Jillian, I really do.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I just want to know what was running through your mind when you told him ues. I want to know why you didn't bother to tell me until I asked. I also want you to know that you are a giant effing hypocrite, because who was the one miserable when the online love of their life left them for someone irl, but then did the EXACT same thing to the one who they promised to love forever? Answer me that.
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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I don't remember what was going through my head... We hadn't talked in months and I know we promised we wouldn't move on but I did. I couldn't handle the online relationship anymore and that isn't an excuse but I couldn't stand it anymore. And it wasn't because I wanted to sleep with him, we've been together a year and haven't even done that yet. So please don't think that was it. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to. I did love you. I just couldn't stay in s relationship where I couldn't talk to them whenever I needed them. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have and I regret how I went about it. I know I'm a hypocrite and like I said, I'm sorry.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
Accepting apologies is the hardest part, and some part of me doesn't want to move on because to quote the ever lovely Alex Vause, "when you have a connection with someone, it really never goes away". I was unsure about it at first, but I really did care about you. Last year was rough for me and it was hard to be my own support as well as yours. I wish we would've met later in life because we would have been a helluva couple. Oh and two things....one- seven months clean BOOM two- guess who is going to be literally like thirty minutes from you this summer?
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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I'm proud of you and if it's you the good, I hope you enjoy your time spent here. I agree and wish we could have met later. If we had... Who knows what would have happened. I know being the support system is hard, you think very poorly of me but currently I'm the support system for everyone in my life which is having a very bad impact on me. But I'm surviving.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
It is me! I'm going on a mission trip with my church youth group to Detroit (:

Anyways, back to the more serious stuff. I never thought poorly of you. I'm just angry beyond belief, but I know that you are an amazing person who deserves great things that I could never give you. I hope your man can give you everything you need and more, because I know you've literally been to he.ll and back and you deserve amazing things. Things have literally come full circle...I'm now the age you were when we met. It'll almost be three years. And I'm sorry I can't stay in your life, because you really are an amazing person, but I can't do long distance, especially with you, crazy girl :P
I don't want to say love you, but I'll at least say that I care about you a lot and pray that you have a better life down the road than the one you were living when we were together. You'll always have a place in my heart. And now I'm crying so...

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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I am sorry. That doesn't fix what I did and I wasn't trying to. I just wanted you to know I do realize what I did hurt you and I apologize for that. And I'm sorry you feel I wanted to control you because that never was the case.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I think I made it clear enough that you hurt me. And look, if this is you coming back to me begging on your knees, it's not happening. I can't play that game any longer Holly. I'm sorry.
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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448

It isn't. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry, if you don't accept my apology I understand. I know I hurt you. I wish I could go back and go about it a different way. I hope you find happiness, Jillian, I really do.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I just want to know what was running through your mind when you told him ues. I want to know why you didn't bother to tell me until I asked. I also want you to know that you are a giant effing hypocrite, because who was the one miserable when the online love of their life left them for someone irl, but then did the EXACT same thing to the one who they promised to love forever? Answer me that.
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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I don't remember what was going through my head... We hadn't talked in months and I know we promised we wouldn't move on but I did. I couldn't handle the online relationship anymore and that isn't an excuse but I couldn't stand it anymore. And it wasn't because I wanted to sleep with him, we've been together a year and haven't even done that yet. So please don't think that was it. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to. I did love you. I just couldn't stay in s relationship where I couldn't talk to them whenever I needed them. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have and I regret how I went about it. I know I'm a hypocrite and like I said, I'm sorry.
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Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
Accepting apologies is the hardest part, and some part of me doesn't want to move on because to quote the ever lovely Alex Vause, "when you have a connection with someone, it really never goes away". I was unsure about it at first, but I really did care about you. Last year was rough for me and it was hard to be my own support as well as yours. I wish we would've met later in life because we would have been a helluva couple. Oh and two things....one- seven months clean BOOM two- guess who is going to be literally like thirty minutes from you this summer?
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nevergrowup89 · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
I'm proud of you and if it's you the good, I hope you enjoy your time spent here. I agree and wish we could have met later. If we had... Who knows what would have happened. I know being the support system is hard, you think very poorly of me but currently I'm the support system for everyone in my life which is having a very bad impact on me. But I'm surviving.
thumbs up 0 thumbs down reply

Jillian Marie* · 8 years ago on quote 7038448
It is me! I'm going on a mission trip with my church youth group to Detroit (:

Anyways, back to the more serious stuff. I never thought poorly of you. I'm just angry beyond belief, but I know that you are an amazing person who deserves great things that I could never give you. I hope your man can give you everything you need and more, because I know you've literally been to he.ll and back and you deserve amazing things. Things have literally come full circle...I'm now the age you were when we met. It'll almost be three years. And I'm sorry I can't stay in your life, because you really are an amazing person, but I can't do long distance, especially with you, crazy girl :P
I don't want to say love you, but I'll at least say that I care about you a lot and pray that you have a better life down the road than the one you were living when we were together. You'll always have a place in my heart. And now I'm crying so...

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nevergrowup89 · 9 years ago on quote 7000040
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
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nevergrowup89 · 9 years ago on quote 6992480
This post is perfect. I am not German but I speak a little(took three years of the language at school) and every time someone says all German's are na.zis or something like that I get so angry! Like, really!! Why can't they get over themselves? Germany isn't like that anymore!
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nevergrowup89 · 9 years ago on quote 6973889
You can't believe it you were always singing along
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6970200
Such on that b*tches. Sorry, had to.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6970200
Hahaha you don't have to apologize XD
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I don't even know how at this point. I'm really scared, because I keep trying to push myself farther and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. Last night I was shaking and I just had this vision of covering my entire body in cuts and it scared me a lot because of how badly I wanted to do it.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Holly.
Three days in a row now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I don't even know how at this point. I'm really scared, because I keep trying to push myself farther and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. Last night I was shaking and I just had this vision of covering my entire body in cuts and it scared me a lot because of how badly I wanted to do it.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969936
This is perfect
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Don't.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Too late for that...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Holly.
Three days in a row now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I don't even know how at this point. I'm really scared, because I keep trying to push myself farther and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. Last night I was shaking and I just had this vision of covering my entire body in cuts and it scared me a lot because of how badly I wanted to do it.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
But I will. You killing yourself will basically be like you killing me. Because that will most likely happen if you do end it. How many times do I need to tell you that?
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Enough to make me not want to do it...
Um and last night my mom screamed at me and I lost it and uhm I'll just let you guess what happened.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Don't.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Too late for that...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Holly.
Three days in a row now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I don't even know how at this point. I'm really scared, because I keep trying to push myself farther and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. Last night I was shaking and I just had this vision of covering my entire body in cuts and it scared me a lot because of how badly I wanted to do it.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
If you kill yourself I will blame myself forever.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
But you're not the one to blame here sweetie. If you want to point fingers, do it at the girls who hide from me in the locker room, the girl at color guard who calls me a c.unt every day, my color guard instructor (because nothing I do is ever good enough for him), and my family. But yeah it's definitely not you.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
But I will. You killing yourself will basically be like you killing me. Because that will most likely happen if you do end it. How many times do I need to tell you that?
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Enough to make me not want to do it...
Um and last night my mom screamed at me and I lost it and uhm I'll just let you guess what happened.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Don't.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Too late for that...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Holly.
Three days in a row now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I don't even know how at this point. I'm really scared, because I keep trying to push myself farther and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. Last night I was shaking and I just had this vision of covering my entire body in cuts and it scared me a lot because of how badly I wanted to do it.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I love you too, evm though things aren't how we want them to be, I love you no matter what.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
You're the best baby <3

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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
If you kill yourself I will blame myself forever.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
But you're not the one to blame here sweetie. If you want to point fingers, do it at the girls who hide from me in the locker room, the girl at color guard who calls me a c.unt every day, my color guard instructor (because nothing I do is ever good enough for him), and my family. But yeah it's definitely not you.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
But I will. You killing yourself will basically be like you killing me. Because that will most likely happen if you do end it. How many times do I need to tell you that?
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Enough to make me not want to do it...
Um and last night my mom screamed at me and I lost it and uhm I'll just let you guess what happened.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Don't.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Too late for that...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Holly.
Three days in a row now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I don't even know how at this point. I'm really scared, because I keep trying to push myself farther and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. Last night I was shaking and I just had this vision of covering my entire body in cuts and it scared me a lot because of how badly I wanted to do it.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
Jillian you need to stop.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I know...I can't.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
That's just something people who don't want to stop say.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969689
I honestly don't know how to stop baby.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
That doesn't change anything right now, Jillian. I'm here for you, I just can't be your girlfriend or whatever we were now. In a few years, but I can't do it now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
Meet someone. And if you two hit it off then we weren't meant to be. I will understand if you find out there is someone else. And you don't need to walk out of my life. We can still talk but I can't do this relationship right now. You're going to get caught or I'm going to get caught and I can't do this. I can't be in constant fear of being caught.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
Why don't you understand? We were meant to be and I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I don't want to meet someone because I know I'll just break their heart...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
That doesn't change anything right now, Jillian. I'm here for you, I just can't be your girlfriend or whatever we were now. In a few years, but I can't do it now.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
THIS ISN'T FOREVER. I can't do this fcking online long distance any more though! It will be easier when we can be together together and that day will come. The only way it won't is if you do this now. Then I will hate you forever and never forgive you or myself.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
Why can't it be now? God I just hate that feeling. I don't want to just walk out of your life and reappear three years later. I'm going to start going to an LGBT support group downtown. What if I meet someone there? When I finally meet you, I'll feel guilty knowing that I've broken their heart. I need you more than anything now, and yet I pushed you away. I told you I still wanted to be friends with them (apparently the gender pronoun they would like to be referred to by now). So some part of me understands what you mean. Long distance does suck. However, that helpless girl in me needs you right now Holly, before I go too far.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
You won't have to forgive me when I'm dead though.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
Meet someone. And if you two hit it off then we weren't meant to be. I will understand if you find out there is someone else. And you don't need to walk out of my life. We can still talk but I can't do this relationship right now. You're going to get caught or I'm going to get caught and I can't do this. I can't be in constant fear of being caught.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
Why don't you understand? We were meant to be and I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I don't want to meet someone because I know I'll just break their heart...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago on quote 6969183
That doesn't change anything right now, Jillian. I'm here for you, I just can't be your girlfriend or whatever we were now. In a few years, but I can't do it now.
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:)

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