*I'm extremely sorry about the length, but I had to say it.*
I think escaping witty for a while has helped me. It might have helped witty too. Witty is now full of people who actually care about what they write, rather than the amount of favs they get. There's definitely less drama than a year ago. I feel it's been good to all of us. I've learned a lot, lived a lot. Everything in these 8 months that I've been away has changed who I am. It may just be that it's the end of the year and I'm reflecting. I started 2013 wanting to cry my eyes out. At my own New Years' Eve party, I used every ounce of strength in my body to hold back tears. I remember sitting under a blanket, hiding my tears. The usual exuse, "I'm tired." I started 2013, with only one person who I could trust with every secret. One person I could rely on. I'll never understand why she didn't give up on me. I'll never understand why she'd listen to me talk about how much I hated myself every day. What I do understand is that I wouldn't have made it through 2013 without her. Slowly through 2013, things got worse. I would spend every second of every day over analyzing my life. Hating every inch of my body. It was a really horrible time. She was still there. It was like this until the end of March. I love March now... If you've ever read through my quotes, you know I had a surgery in March. I had my appendix removed right in the middle of spring break. And do you know what happened right before spring break? I told her I'd actually see a professional. I never got there. I had my surgery. I hated it at the time. I felt extremely stressed from school and everything around me. I wanted a break. Then, I saw this surgery as the worst possible thing that could happen to me. Now, I'm 100% positive it was a blessing. It was strange really. I'm not sure when I realized it. People visited me, people I've never talked to told me to feel better, my friends Facetimed me just so I could still be with them at lunch. Somewhere between when I was released from the hospital to when I took my first steps though the school again. I noticed people cared. I surrounded myself with negativity every day, only to find the positivity was there the whole time. And looking back now, realizing that was the best thing that ever happened to me. It may have not been much of a struggle I went through, but it was enough to teach me something. And isn't that life? A lesson. Now, I feel beautiful because I am. I feel happy because I am. I know nothing stays bad forever. NOTHING. Now, I have a great, big, dysfunctional friend group that I love to death. The best part is that I know they love me back. I may have never expected any of this, but it's been ok. She's still one of my best friends and she knows who she is. She probably gets irritated reading these things because I feel like I thank her too much. Either way, she's a blessing in my life. I'm doing this for three reasons. One, to express this because there's no where else I can. Two, to thank her again for dealing with me from then until now. Three, to make everyone else see that it always gets better, even after you lose hope.
mylittlesecret13