I wish I wasn't so used to keeping everything inside. I don't want to go back to how I was in my past. I can't. It took a lot to get over my depression. I didn't tell anyone about it. I felt like I had no one to be there for me and talk about things. My resort? Music, cigarettes, writing, and just about anything with a sharp edge. I fell in love with the most amazing guy almost 2 1/2 years ago and I feel that being with him was what helped me through it. He's the most important person in my life and he means everything to me. But ever since my accident a couple weeks ago, I've been feeling myself slowly going back and it scares me. I keep having nightmares and my anxiety/depression is not getting better at all. The only thing keeping me from completely letting go and going back is him and the fact that I've come so far. I graduated high school with pretty good grades, joined the military, made it through training with decent scores in everything, finally got a job again, and I'm going to college in the fall to pursue a degree in elementary education-something I've always wanted to do. All I've done-and been through-the last couple of years was to try and give my dad something to proud of, and to prove everyone that ever doubted me wrong. All I've wanted is for him to appreciate me and actually be proud of me and I've finally done it. If only my mom tried to be a bigger part of my life. If only people knew how much the situation with my parents actually got to me. Then there's Tony..the guy I would love to spend the rest of my life with. I wish I could completely open up to him and actually talk to him about anything and everything. We've been through a lot together, but we made it. I love him so much and I wish he knew that I'm always here and how grateful I really am to be with him..but I always seem to do something to mess it up. He's the one thing that makes me happy, the only thing that keeps me going. I just want to be happy and the only thing keeping me from that is myself. :/
morgan_elizabeth