"1. When I walk into CVS, I know exactly where to find the
band-aids. Four years of tearing yourself open and you get used to
dragging yourself into your nearest drugstore with blood dripping
down your sleeve while the employees pretend not to notice and
smile at the wall behind you when they ring you up.
2. Swollen lips and sweaty “I love you’s” can make you feel
again but god I don’t want to feel anything if it means having to
sit there with my throat on fire while my ribs crack and splinter
every part of my f*cking body when he stops calling back.
3. I told my mother I wanted to fall in love and she told me she
would start planning my funeral.
4. Words get trapped inside my chest and their edges cut into my
heart. I wish I could just tell you how much I f*cking miss you. I
can’t stop bleeding.
5. My father always told me not to love someone with all of me
because they’ll slam the door one night and forget to come home
and they will take every fiber of my galactic being and leave me
with nothing but the darkness in-between the stars.
6. There are plenty of ways to kill yourself, stick a gun to the
back of your throat, fall asleep in the garage with the car on,
jump into a river and let the rock in your chest where your heart
used to be drag you to the bottom, smoke too many cigarettes, bleed
yourself dry. I think the most effective way is kissing someone
who’s name you will never be able to say without shaking.
7. You don’t drown in the ocean. You just become part of it. Your
hair dissolves into waves, your lips turn to salt, your eyes melt
into the sea. They say that drowning is peaceful but when I fell
into you water rushed into my ribcage it was just a lot of choking
and burning and thrashing and darkness.
8. When I told you I wanted you to f*ck me I didn’t mean f*ck me
over.
9. Maybe you should come over. Maybe I should change the locks. I
think I love you again.
10. I quit smoking because you could stop my hands from shaking
just as well as a pack of cheap cigarettes but you rot my insides
even worse."
-My parents keep asking why I haven’t gotten out of bed in two
weeks