Dermatillomania
Picking at my face, chest and back. It’s done at night in my bed when I’m supposed to be asleep. It’s subconscious most of the time. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I’ve been at it for an hour or so. I constantly check my face in the mirror for zits whether I’m out in public or at home. I love everything about zits - the sight, the sound and the feelings, both physical and emotional. When the zits start to heal, I pick at the scabs. I like making myself bleed and feeling the blood and clear pus run down my face. Popping zits and picking scabs give me feelings of comfort, relief and satisfaction. I am more likely to do it when I am stressed out or bored. I have a addiction to popping my pimples. I can sit in front of the mirror for hours and just pick, and poke until I get enough pimples popped. I have acne that is under the skin which makes me want to squeeze my face more which concludes to me having scars and bumps and scabs all over my skin. I hate it, I wish I didn’t have to wear foundation or cover up, I don’t wear a lot of make up, I try to make myself look as natural as possible, but it’s so hard with all the scars I have on my face. I want to stop. I tried sticking post it notes on my mirror saying “You’ll be scarred for life” and none of them work. I feel like its equivalent to a drug addiction. I want to be confident in my own body and appearance, but this bad habit is scarring and ruining it even more. I can’t even look at my self no more, I feel sick, my mood changes. I get jealous every time I see a girl with flawless skin because my acne is just hormonal.
luv2laugh