ltoma18

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Member Since: 7 Dec 2011 07:49pm

Last Seen: 14 Jul 2016 06:16pm

user id: 248126

397 Quotes
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ltoma18
posted a quote
January 28, 2014 6:49pm UTC

What do you like to do for fun?
Well, sometimes when i'm bored, I ball up on the kitchen floor and pretend i'm a crumb

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
January 6, 2014 3:46pm UTC

So there was this lady at the store today
who tried to shoplift a watermelon by
hiding it under her shirt and she
tripped on the way out the door and
fell on the watermelon and broke it
and she started screaming "MY BABY"
just screaming and crying and it was the funniest
thing I have ever seen in my life.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 16 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
December 20, 2013 5:51pm UTC

BI/CHES
BE TRIPPIN'
....okay maybe
I pushed one

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
December 10, 2013 4:59pm UTC

ALL OUR DREAMS
CAN COME TRUE,
IF WE HAVE THE COURAGE
TO PURSUE THEM.
- WALT DISNEY

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 6:05pm UTC

Me: Is there a non-sexual way to eat a lollipop
Friend: SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER AND EAT THE REMAINS.
Me: Settle down there Thor

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
November 16, 2013 1:30pm UTC

When I was a little kid...
I didn't worry about what to wear because my parents dressed me.
Looking back at some of my pictures,
apparently my parents didn't care either.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
November 12, 2013 4:45pm UTC

When most girls wear hoodies and messy buns,
they look amazing.
But when I do,
I look like i've tried every drug in the world.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 58 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
November 1, 2013 1:03pm UTC

Now that fall is here
do you think all the
teenage girls with duck-faces
will fly south for the winter?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
October 26, 2013 1:09pm UTC

Me in the shower:
Me: Okay, time to bathe.
Me: why do we have like 25 different kinds of shampoo?
Me: i'ma read the back of this.
Me: lather, rince, repeat?
Me: why do i have to reapeat is your product so cheap it didn't work the first time?
Me: if water is a renewable resource does that mean every celebrity i've ever loved has showered in this same water before?
Me: eheheheheheheehhehe
Me: but you didn't have to cUT ME OFF!!
Me: did i already wash my hair?
Me: i think I did but i don't remember.
Me: i'ma do it again.
Me: F/CK I REPEATED!
Me: *hears noise*
Me: THEY ARE KILLING MY FAMILY AND IM NEXT!
Me: okay time to get out.
Me:
Me:
Me: Where the hell is my towel!

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
October 18, 2013 3:37pm UTC

♚
I CAN'T
KEEP
CALM
IT'S MY
BIRTHDAY!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 6 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
October 11, 2013 3:49pm UTC

My week is basically:
-Monday
-Monday#2
-Monday#3
-Monday#4
-Friday
-Saturday
-Pre-Monday

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
October 4, 2013 6:43pm UTC

Mom: So.... why is he your favorite?
Me: [cracks knuckles]
Me: [stretches]
Me: [turns lights off]
Me: [sets up projector]
Me: [opens powerpoint]
Me: Allow me to tell you something

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
October 2, 2013 4:15pm UTC

Im over my crush.
Crush: hey.
Me: F/CK

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 1:57pm UTC

I hate that when I sit
down, my legs flatten out
to approximately the size
of Russia.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 1:46pm UTC

Me in 4th grade: Wow swearing is so bad, I won't ever swear.
Me now: Pass the motherfu/kin salt you b/tch.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
September 7, 2013 7:17pm UTC

I hate having crushes because
it makes me go from sassy independent
beyonce to annoying clingy taylor swift in
approximately two situations of direct eye contact.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
August 26, 2013 3:07pm UTC

When you're in bed...
and you cant sleep, so you just lay there making mental movies of perfect scenarios in life.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
August 21, 2013 2:52pm UTC

Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?
I'm just not allowed. Why don't you have a girlfriend?
Because you're still not allowed to have a boyfriend.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
August 19, 2013 8:07pm UTC

Dear Human,
You get mad at me if I wake you up, and get mad
if I don't.
Sincerely,
Confused alarm clock.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

ltoma18
posted a quote
August 14, 2013 3:41pm UTC

Attractive person:
Hi
Me:
Is this some kind of sick joke?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

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ltoma18