[R.E.S.I.S.T.A.N.C.E]
Chapter 18...
I put my hand on his back reassuringly, not quite ready for a hug.
“I’ll help you with this dad. But you have to promise that you’re actually going to stick with it. You can’t give up and start this problem again…” I trailed off at the end trying to read his face. I’m not used to talking to my dad like this, so my attempt was pretty much useless.
“I swear. That sh●t has ruined my life, and I realized that. I need to stop. I’m going to an alcohol anonymous center so I’ll know how to handle my problems in a healthy way.” He stood up and started pacing. “I know it’s my fault that your brother did what he did. I never paid attention to any of you, I beat you, I’m just a bad person.” I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that he was crying.
“Dad…” I looked at him with tear-filled eyes. “How could you say that it’s your fault?” I felt one tear escape down the side of my face.
“Damn it, because it is! If I was a better father, don’t you think Sam would still be here? The pain that I feel is almost unbearable.” He started to rub his temples, which meant that he had a headache I guess. I started to cry too.
“Everything is falling apart dad. Everything. I don’t even know where to go anymore, or who to turn to.” I started up the stairs and when I looked at Sam’s door, I felt that stab of pain in my chest I’ve become familiar with in the past few days. I went into his room and looked around, for no reason at all, really. Looking in his desk, I noticed there was a piece of paper. I picked it up and opened it. Of course it was a suicide note. It said:
Dear everyone,
Obviously by now, I’m gone. I’m sorry that I did this to you, I just had no reason to live anymore. Nobody wanted me here anyway. Don’t blame yourselves, it didn’t have to do with you. Dad, I love you. Even though I probably shouldn’t, I really do. Deep down, under the alcohol, I KNOW that you’re a great guy. Gina, I love you, so much. Watch out for Cori for me. She needs someone to be there for her. And Cori, I love you little sis. Stay strong because honestly, I think that out of all of us, you always were the strongest. Help dad, both of you. Don’t cry too much, I wasn’t worth it. Now that I’m gone, you’re lives should be easier. Maybe not today, or for a while, but eventually it will be. Time heals a broken heart. If only I could follow my own advice… I love each and every one of you with everything I had. You two are beautiful, and smart. Don’t follow in my footsteps. Stay strong you guys. Love what you have while you have it. I’m sorry I had to put you through this pain. I couldn’t deal with mine any longer. It was my time to go.
Love, Sam.
I crumpled up the paper and threw it across the room. I fell to the floor in a fetal position, and oddly enough, I wasn’t crying. I was just thinking of all the things in my life. Damn, I need to do something about that.
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