How do you just change your mind about someone like that, overnight? I thought I was your everything. You called me beautiful and I thought that you basically worshipped me. I was falling in love with you, and falling fast. We were the perfect couple, you we my best friend and I was yours. People thought we were the cutest thing EVER. What happened? What happened to all of those sweet text messages, the innocent kisses and makeouts, the tight hugs, the tickles, the way you would look at me to make me feel like I was the only person that mattered to you. How about the night that we sat on the couch together and cuddled for hours? I was sick, but you didn’t care, because you told me that kissing me was worth it, even if you got sick. What happened to that wonderful, sweet amazing guy I thought I knew. And now, I act like I don’t care that we don’t talk anymore, but the truth is, every time I walk past you my stomach flips with a mix of excitement and dread. And it takes all I have not to run up to you and beg you to love me again. Beg you to explain to me what I did wrong. What I did to make you change your mind about me. But don’t worry about me, boy. I am just the girl who you’ve liked for over half a year. I’m just the one who you crushed into a million little pieces, and left. Even though, I cry myself to sleep every night, and sometimes wake up crying, I’ll be ok. Even though, every time my phone lights up, I hope it’ll be you, I’ll survive. I cannot describe the pain you have put me in. People keep telling me that I deserve better. What I don’t think they quite understand is that i don’t want better… I want you. I want you. I want the way your hair curls at the ends when it gets to long. I want your 6-pack. I want that little mole above your left eye. I want the way you looked at me that night. I want the way you stroke my hand with your thumb when you hold it. I want the way you play with my hair. I want how when you find something you want, you do whatever you can to get it. And you don’t give up until you do. I want the way everyone was jealous of our relationship. But the thing I want more than anything else is to be yours again. Yours and only yours. But instead, all I get is silence. Text messages begging me to be friends, the texts that I ignore. All I get is the memories that are haunting me. All I get is watching you look at other girls. All I get is heartbreak. I know you think that I don’t care, but the truth is, I am still utterly, truly, completely, in love with you. And I think that when you walked away, it made me see how much I had. So, until I learn to live without you, I’ll be here, feeling sad, ugly, neglected, and unwanted. They say you only know how much you loved someone until you figure out how much they can hurt you. But boy, I must really love you, because this is killing me. There is so much I wish I could say to you. So many things that I want to share with you. You say you were confused and that you didn’t know how you felt, and so I decided to let you end it. But now all I can think about is what would have happened if I had tried a little harder. What would have happened if I had been prettier, or smarter, or nicer to you. All I can think about is how I could have made you happier. But now it’s to late. And no matter how hard I want it to be true, you’re not mine anymore. And now, I have to smile like I’m happier without you, and make you see what you lost. Even though, I honestly don’t believe you lost anything, I want with all of my heart to make you think that you did. The worst way to miss someone, is to have them sitting right beside you and know that you will never be mine. But I don’t have to be sitting beside you, to know that I miss you more than anyone ever could.
lineyliz