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lasthope

Status: it's not that i don't feel the pain it's just that i'm not afraid of hurting anymore.

Member Since: 14 Jul 2013 02:32pm

Last Seen: 2 Feb 2014 01:50pm

Location: Seattle, WA

Gender: F

user id: 366089

47 Quotes
5 Favorites
1 Following
9 Followers
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Hey, I'm Michelle. I'm five-foot-three and a big ball of screw up.

You Me At Six / Paramore / Linkin Park / A Day to Remember / Bring Me the Horizon / All Time Low / Fall Out Boy / Of Mice & Men

*

Some of my poems have explicit words. You can read them if you'd like. Just a heads-up.

Hacksss::

I LOVE YOU MICHELLE <3 HEHEHE 

xoxo Brooke c: (brookeloves1D ~ugh I hate that username ~)


Aw thanks Brooke, your hacksss is appreciated <3

  1. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    February 1, 2014 6:56pm UTC
    i am standing in the middle of my room
    on a thursday night when it happens. i
    am in my underwear and i am done with
    dancing like a fool and then it hits me
    like a godd-mn wave and i begin
    to wonder why it can’t be real so it can just
    f-cking take me under in order for me to
    not feel the agony that courses through
    my veins in the moment.
    he acts like i’m the most interesting girl
    he’s ever spoken to and he laughs and i
    swear there’s nothing more filling than
    the joy that starts to fill my throat. he will
    remember our old jokes and he’ll bring
    them up and i won’t be able to stop thinking
    about how f-cking much i don’t ever
    want our old jokes to go away. he makes
    me keep eye contact although i am afraid
    of getting lost again. but i am, i’m already
    in too deep and i’m lost in his eyes and
    frankly, this time, i’m not scared.
    i’m terrified. because i feel like a live wire
    that has been brought alive and i feel as
    if whatever the hell this all is, it’s going to
    end somehow and i know somehow i want
    to see the end. regardless of how painful
    it’ll be, or hopefully, how beautiful it could be.
    i begin to realize that the start of love is
    so godd-mned awful and that the beginning
    is always better than the end. i swear i was
    floating when i realized that hey this might
    actually work out. but no, it didn’t.
    you will just turn and whisper to your a-shole
    of a best buddy and i’ll be the one that goes
    back to breaking the gaze first.
    i’m alright.
    it just might take a few more dancing nights
    alone in my room to realize that for myself.
    mhz

  2. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    December 30, 2013 12:38am UTC
    I’m not really good at anything. I can make
    a damn good cup of coffee when I need to and
    I guess I’m not half bad at being a b/tch; if anything
    I found pride in how I was completely and totally
    able to care for you the way that I did right before
    that stupid Wednesday afternoon, really.
    I can’t really tell you what your teachers thought
    of your opinions. Maybe you really were bored to
    death in that honors history class you took. I thought
    that your history was always so much better, anyways.
    But hey whatever, right? You always told me to chug
    right on and not let stupid actions that other people
    did back in the day affect me. You said that you
    wanted to be gone in a heroic manner of sorts. You said
    that I should write myself a story that every person
    would want to watch a re-run of my life of when I
    was finally gone from where I am. Sure you’re no
    try-hard religious martyr and definitely not a king but
    oh my f/cking gosh you were a fighter, a good one too.
    You thought people wouldn’t remember your history
    when you chose to stop writing your future with every
    breath that you took that Wednesday afternoon. You
    actually thought that I wouldn’t remember you.
    I couldn’t believe a single thing that day when I finally
    had the courage to re-watch and re-read your history.
    Oh, h/ll. You were a fighter.
    Sometimes I wished that you weren’t one, so that
    maybe I could justify it all and just think that you
    didn’t really die with reason other than to be written
    down in some book as a soul who chose to die
    in hopes to honor their god.
    I almost wish you were a stupid martyr sometimes.
    mhz

  3. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2013 2:12am UTC
    i wonder if you think like that sometimes
    when you knew that back when we were more
    than just two letters together and two people
    but two souls in such a bittersweet love
    i wonder if you ever knew that you had
    so much control and power over me
    you had me at hello but i never said goodbye
    i’d miss my turn to play in a game
    even if it was your kind of play
    i found myself not minding becoming
    your favorite abused chess piece
    and i wouldn’t mind in the ball flew by
    you had me right there
    the place where you could forget me quickly
    and the place where goodbye would be
    like a tourniquet that would just cut me in two
    but you play games
    and i am a defensive team player
    so i let you rip me right in two rather than
    giving you the power to cut me in two
    i never really liked your games
    but i always played them and pretended
    that i loved them to pieces
    because your games were a part of you
    and i thought i was a part of you back then
    i told myself
    if i was a part of you and your games
    made up who you are than maybe i
    am just another one of your games
    mhz

  4. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2013 12:38am UTC
    i remember when i would say
    simple and stupid sounding
    three-word clauses to you
    just to get the brief liberation
    that i would feel were i
    allowed to say those three words
    be good now
    you look good
    i am proud
    you’re so sweet
    you are perfect
    i don’t deserve you at all
    and i don’t want to kill you
    by telling you those three words
    you don’t need a f-ck up
    right at your heels
    you don’t need me
    i am sad
    mhz

  5. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    October 5, 2013 5:57pm UTC
    you wanted a lover
    that had no strings
    and i remember how
    you did not care
    that my father was diabetic
    or that i
    was afraid of you
    you did not care
    that i loved you
    you wanted me
    to love you somber
    and kiss you rough
    you wanted nothing
    and you wanted me
    without a single string
    i obeyed you
    and i loved you
    with no strings
    while i kissed you sweet
    when you slept
    and while i turned off
    your alarm clock
    in the mornings.
    mhz

  6. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    September 25, 2013 11:15pm UTC
    you told me to be
    a loving soul and not a
    broken hearted fool
    seeing that i
    am a death magnet
    i am a broken hearted fool
    and you never told me
    to be a death magnet
    in ways,
    i guess i was somewhat
    extrodinary for being
    something other than
    a loving soul
    mhz

  7. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2013 5:59pm UTC
    i wanted to be the girl
    that made you go to bars
    and drink yourself happy
    simply because
    you were too heartbroken
    not the girl
    that made you go to bars
    just to sit outside
    and smoke a chain
    of cigarettes
    because you hurt too much
    i wanted you to love me right
    and to hurt me wrong
    yet still miss me bittersweet
    mhz

  8. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2013 4:36pm UTC
    the sound of the rain
    reminds me a bit of your
    heart when you loved me
    mhz

  9. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2013 12:20am UTC
    i am in love with you
    (or least i thought i was)
    the pain i felt
    when the reality
    of how much love i felt
    for our memories
    that were filled with love
    hit me like a truck
    i realized one night
    as i rolled over
    in my now-and-still
    empty bed
    i was trying to bind you
    right into the seams
    of a book in which
    you had written for me
    fairytales cannot by true
    especially when you
    were my prince
    and you didn't come back
    i tried to hold you tight
    when i learned that
    i love you, but only for
    the stories you had written
    for me to remember
    mhz

  10. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    September 15, 2013 5:01pm UTC
    i love you
    i love you
    i love you
    i love you
    no matter how
    i write it
    you don't believe me
    it doesn't matter
    how i say it
    and when i do
    you never,
    not once
    listened to me
    even when my lips
    wrote those words
    when my hands
    sent them to you
    and when my voice
    uttered them
    to you
    you don't believe me
    you never did
    mhz

  11. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    September 8, 2013 11:40pm UTC
    a knife to the chest
    is a blasting pain
    the resonates
    through your body
    but it's that pain
    the self-inflicted one
    because of razors
    and from old cigars
    the kind that won't
    bring you to your knees
    on the floor
    because of sheer, utter agony
    it's the kind that you feel
    when you're finally alone
    it makes your ribcage tight
    and your bones just feel
    heavy
    you look down and see
    the road you've walked
    and you look up and ask
    just why did this all happen
    it's that pain
    that actually kills you
    it hurts more
    than a knife to the chest
    ever could
    mhz

  12. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 31, 2013 7:27pm UTC
    i hold your sweater
    close to my chest
    before i sleep
    it's as if you are
    almost here with me
    what will i do
    once your scent fades?
    you are everywhere
    when my eyes close
    i see your face painted
    across the black canvas
    of my eyelids
    and when i wrap my sheets
    closer to me i pretend
    that the sheets are your arms
    when i am alone late at night
    i listen for your breathing
    i am not breathing at this point
    it hurts so much
    to not have you here
    i feel calm
    when i hear your breathing
    and sometimes i close my eyes
    just to see your painted face
    i do not paint anymore
    nor do i listen to music
    mhz

  13. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 31, 2013 2:32am UTC
    i was begging
    to be hung by
    a thick rope
    i recall clearly
    how at that point
    i was done, over it
    i was so angered
    at what i had lost
    and what i was
    i had wanted
    to snap my neck
    in two
    with a rope
    and so you did
    you hung me yourself
    i recall you
    slipping the noose
    over my neck
    you had slid
    a red lifesaver
    right onto my neck
    and i remember you
    cursing, screaming
    "goddammit!
    just please
    breathe, fight!"
    you pulled me out of
    the water in which
    was a mixture
    of my tears and failures
    you gave me
    a second chance
    mhz

  14. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 12:11am UTC
    you returned
    everything
    that i gave you
    but this time
    you
    didn't come back
    please come back
    mhz

  15. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 16, 2013 11:00pm UTC
    both of us are sad
    it's just that you
    are a lovely kind
    of sadness
    you are the kind that
    i can't hold back
    from smiling
    in understanding
    your sadness
    is the type that
    i want to be with
    because it's lovely like
    the thank you
    we say to the people
    we will lose
    it's the type we feel
    after a hard day
    at night when alone
    and the kind that
    drowns you
    in such a way
    it's almost bittersweet
    mhz

  16. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2013 5:00pm UTC
    our pinkies and our legs
    were entwined
    that late night on a hill
    we were gazing at the stars
    laughing at the big and small dipper
    as you made me a half moon
    and you the big spoon
    you had asked me
    how to describe us
    i couldn't think of a way
    to could have possibly explained
    what us meant, what we stood for
    i remember gazing at your wrist
    my lips were curving up in the corners
    as i looked and traced
    the faded lines on your wrist
    raising our hands
    i looked into your eyes
    with my free hand i pointed
    to your wrists, post-kissing them both
    i pointed at our entwined pinkies
    and then at the sky
    i remember whispering to you
    "you are the lines
    that have connected the constellations
    and you are the lines
    to a painter's sketch
    you are the lines
    that cover your wrists
    you are who you are
    and you are the lines
    that hold me together"
    sure, i didn't answer your question
    but you smiled at least
    you'd kissed my temple
    after my sudden outburst
    simple, bittersweet, tragic
    mhz

  17. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 11, 2013 10:26pm UTC
    i
    (actually
    maybe i should
    learn how
    to shut the hell up
    seeing that
    everything i say
    about you and i
    starts with "i"
    and ends with you
    i hate you
    i love you
    i wish i were with you
    i don't know you)
    have so much
    to say
    and so little words
    to express
    what i feel towards you
    mhz

  18. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 10, 2013 3:13pm UTC
    the concept
    of you and i
    being together
    makes me
    want to throw
    my body
    off of a bridge
    it's beautiful
    it's big
    it's what i want
    not what
    you want
    mhz

  19. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 10, 2013 3:11pm UTC
    i wanted to fall
    off of a bridge
    into ice cold water
    i didn't expect
    to fall in love
    with a soul
    i don't care
    even if
    sometimes
    i feel like i'm drowning
    in your love
    and in the sheer pain
    i feel
    because of us
    i wanted to fall
    off of a bridge
    i fell in love
    mhz

  20. lasthope lasthope
    posted a quote
    August 10, 2013 3:09pm UTC
    what kind
    of friend
    would i be
    to beg you
    to stay alive
    when in
    a few days time
    i would want
    to backstab you
    right in the heart
    when i chose
    to let you live
    in place for me
    mhz

:)

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