Witty Profiles

lasagnatonight

1. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   December 16, 2012 10:12pm UTC
   Government: To protect people from getting shot by murderers, we now ban guns.
   Murderers: Oh gosh, guns are illegal, better not break the law!
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
2. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   December 3, 2012 11:02pm UTC
   Mom: Here, take your clothes to your room
   Mom: *Hands me clothes*
   Me: Master has presented Dobby with clothes.
   Mom: Oh god, not this again.
   Me: Dobby is a free elf!
   Me: *Runs out of house*
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 62 points
3. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2012 7:52pm UTC
   Me when I flush my dead fish down the toilet
   Me: Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber forever.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
4. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   October 31, 2012 6:50pm UTC
   Remember when everybody was like "What happened to Kesha?"
   Found her.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
5. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   October 29, 2012 4:49pm UTC
   So today I went outside and it was really windy.
   I was like, ooh we're definatley gonna have snow this year.
   But then I remembered that I live on the east coast.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 3 points
6. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   October 20, 2012 3:30am UTC
   x
   x
   x
   x
   x
   x
   This is Jane. Jane thinks this format is overused.
   x
   x
   x
   x
   x
   x
   This is Mary. She also thinks this format is overused.
   What do they have in common?
   They know this format is overused.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 21 points
7. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   October 12, 2012 8:51pm UTC
   Pretty Little Liars Workout:
   -10 sit ups for every kiss/hug
   -Commericial 60 sec in place jog 10 jumping jacks
   -5 leg lifts per leg every time A is mentioned
   -20 second wall sits per flash back
   -10 squats everytime someone recieves a text
   -10 push ups every class room scene
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 16 points
8. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   October 12, 2012 7:25pm UTC
   R.I.P Amanda Todd
   </3
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
9. lasagnatonight
   posted a quote
   October 10, 2012 10:27pm UTC
   How typical middle school relationships work out:
   Boy: Oh hey wanna go out?
   Girl: Yeah sure.
   *Never Talks*
   *Breaks up the next week*
   Girl: Omg what am I going to do?!
   Girl: He was my life!
   Girl: I'm so lost without him!
   *Next day*
   Girl: Being single is great. Loving the freedom.
   Boy: Single & ready to mingle.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 14 points
10. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 10, 2012 5:02pm UTC
    Person in Class: *Coughs*
    Me: You sir, are filthing my air.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 172 points
11. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 10, 2012 4:49pm UTC
    This girl on my bus had a butterfly.
    We tried telleing her she had to let it go....
    She hissed and tried to bite us.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 186 points
12. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 9, 2012 11:56pm UTC
    How pep rallies go:
    "Wooo football!"
    "You go cheer leaders!"
    "Yay! Softball players!"
    "Volleyball rules!"
    Me: I hate you all.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
13. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2012 10:20pm UTC
    Video Chat:
    3% looking at the other person
    97% looking at yourself
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 94 points
14. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2012 9:45pm UTC
    Our Health Class had a work sheet on role models.
    It asked:
    "Name 3 of your role models. Why? Explain."
    What I wanted to put:
    One Direction
    Ariana Grande
    Jenna Marbles
    What I put:
    Mom
    Dad
    Sister
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 57 points
15. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2012 9:14pm UTC
    Mom won't buy Nutella?
    This means war.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 45 points
16. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2012 9:11pm UTC
    I spent the night with my friend last night.
    I was away from my laptop for 24 hours....
    </3
    It's a disease.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 29 points
17. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 3, 2012 9:10pm UTC
    We should totally just stab Ceaser.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
18. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 2, 2012 11:38pm UTC
    Yzma: I'll turn him into a flea.
    Yzma: A harmless little flea.
    Yzma: And then I'll put that flea in a box.
    Yzma: And I'll put that box inside of another box.
    Yzma: And then I'll mail that box to myself.
    Yzma: And when it arrives,
    Yzma: AH HA HA HA HA!
    Yzma: I'll smash it with a hammer!
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
19. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 1, 2012 11:10pm UTC
    Face it.
    Half of you have school tomorrow...
    And it's probably getting a bit late...
    But you stay on witty...
    Why?
    Because Steve has ruined all of your sleeping habits.
    Thank you Steve.
    Thank you.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 23 points
20. lasagnatonight
    posted a quote
    October 1, 2012 8:36pm UTC
    Hearing yourself in a video and thinking
    "Well, looks like I'll never be speaking again."
    ._.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 27 points

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