I just want to say that I suck at telling stories to strangers, so I’m sorry if some things that I try to explain don’t make sense. My story starts with a boy. He was a senior and I was a freshman. It’s not as bad as you think…he was a young senior and I was an older freshman. Only two years apart. Note that I had never been in a relationship and I never had a simple kiss. We met through marching band. (For anybody in marching band, I bet you know which sections we are/were in, I’m in guard and he was a percussionist. Lol.)Anyway, we began to talk and I thought that all we would be was flirting buddies or whatnot. I didn’t think that an actual senior would have an interest in me. I didn’t like him really and I feel like that’s the reason why I said yes that fine Wednesday afternoon on March 2. But as we dated, he began to grow on me. J He took me to prom and was so sweet to me. And I knew that he would eventually be going into the Marine Corps on September 9, (my birthday! Great, right?) so I did everything possible to not get so attached. About three months into our relationship I began to have horrible nightmares. Nightmares that an untreated chemical imbalance created. Nightmares of me killing my family and everyone I cared about and then committing suicide. Another nightmare….the one that ruined everything…this nightmare took place in the desert. Him and myself just standing in the blazing sun. He pulls out a gun and shoots me. I told him about my nightmares and he told me he knew what they meant. I knew what they meant too, but I didn’t want to accept it. He came over my house and we “mutually” broke up. He wanted me to have time to move on and get over him before he leaves. Also, we didn’t want to do anything “stupid.” I know, why couldn’t we stay together? His excuse was so I could have a “normal” high school experience. Whatever. I was so upset, I began to self-harm by scratching. Which soon led to cutting. About three months after the break up, I was really bad. I got yelled at by my parents every day because I wasn’t over him. My dad left us for two weeks and it wasn’t the first time he did this. I found out that both my grandparents who I am very close to were dying and I had the pain of seeing my graduated ex at practice, band camp to be more specific. For those who don’t know what band camp is…it’s a rehearsal that takes place ALL day; 12 hours. As much as I hated seeing him at practice, I knew that this might be the last time I see him and I missed him so much. I went to his going away party and I sat in the bathroom and cried. School started and I had a Tuesday practice. I saw him and that was the last time I saw him. He didn’t say goodbye to me and my dad flipped when I told him that. He started yelling at me and then my mother began to yell at me and I was a total mess. I stupidly went on facebook and posted an ugly and stupid status. One saying I was going to kill myself… He and my two closest friends showed up at my house minutes later asking to see me. My mom didn’t know I updated my status to that and when they showed up one of my friends showed her. She freaked out on me, but then realized how bad I was. I didn’t go to school the next day and around 11:30am the police showed up at my house. Someone printed out my status – even though I deleted it the night before – and showed my band director, who showed my guidance counselor, who showed the police. The cops questioned me and asked me why I did what I did and they made me show them my wrist. They believed that I was a threat to myself, so I was Baker Acted. For those who don’t know what being Baker Acted is… The Baker Act is a law in Florida that allows mentally ill people to be committed to a mental health facility for 72 hours, against the will of the mentally ill person. It is often used on people who are dangerous to themselves, for example, if they are hurting themselves intentionally, or on people who become violent and try to hurt others. I missed a week of school and I was afraid to go back to school. But I went back to school and everything was fine, nobody questioned where I was. In the hospital, I was put on Wellburtin and I’m still taking it, but I don’t feel any different. And I’m scared. Scared to tell my therapist that it’s not working. It’s been 64 days since I’ve last seen him. I’m scared when he comes back. I don’t know how I’ll handle it. I’m so embarrassed for how I acted that night. And he’s going to be a different person. Trained in the art of war. I was scared of cutting again…but I got over that… I’m scared of being Baker Acted again. I’m scared of everything and I hate it.
I found this amazing band, They are called "Patent Pending." I saw them live at Warped Tour. They started a song by saying how they lost one of their band members to suicide... How she thought the world was too much to handle. Then they said, "I know sometimes life can seem so hard to handle, but talk to someone. You're here with your friends and if you don't have anybody to talk to there are five people up here on stage that you can come too. We don't want to lose anybody else." I felt as if they were talking to me. The song they played was called 'One Less Heart To Break.' Whenever I think I'm down and out, I play this song, and I feel so much better. Maybe this song can help someone out there also. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQkOhQjcW4Y&ob=av3e
My Playlists http://www.playlist.com/user/55305298/playlists side notes: one) created so you don't have to look up every single song :) two) requests? i'll do them. :) three) music is what helps me get through my life, maybe it will help you too :)
WOOOHOOO ;D CHEER UP after break up PLAYLIST: 1. Maybe - Ingrid Michaelson 2. Begging On Your Knees - Victoria Justice 3. Who Says - Selena Gomez 4. Bang Bang Bang - Christina Perri (live at oceans way studios) 5. No Women, No Cry - Bob Marley & The Wailers 6. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor 7. I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace 8. Love Drunk - Boys Like Girls 9. Fighter - Christina Aguilera 10. Survivor - Destiny's Child 11. Better In Time - Leona Lewis 12. Boyfriend - Big Time Rush 13. Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas 15. Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson 16. Ridin' Solo - Jason Derulo 17. So What - P!nk 18. Bye Bye Bye - N Sync 19. Leave The Pieces - The Wreckers 20. Undo It - Carrie Underwood 21. Young Forever - The Ready Set 22. So Small - Carrie Underwood 23. Downfall Of Us All - A Day To Remember 24. The Show Goes On - Lupe Fiasco 25. For Those Who Wait - Fireflight that's whats upp. we can get through this :D
I'm sick of seeing... fav if blah blah blah. in my eyes, if you ask for favs THEY DON'T COUNT! Whatever happened to creating an actual quote? A witty & UNIQUE quote! Now? I scroll down and think, "I've seen that before." "Facebook page again?" "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW WHETHER I LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER OR LADY GAGA?" IF YOU NEED TO ASK FOR FAVS ...then you probably don't deserve them. It's just sad. I miss the old witty.
MY PLAYLISTS #1 (sad) prague - damien rice set the fire to the third bar - snowpatrol beautiful - enimen turn it off (acoustic) - paramore heartless - the fray breath me - sia nobody's home - avril lavigne you could be happy - snowpatrol broken - seether ft amy lee the freshman - jay brannan adam's song - blink 182 family portrait - p!nk hurt - christina aguilera
Everyone thinks that I have it all, but it's so empty living behind these castle walls. If I should tumble if I should fall would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls There's no one here at all, behind these castle walls. C a s t l e W a l l s - T . I . f t . C h r i s t i n a A g u i l e r a
» nahnahnahnahnahnahnah dododoododdo wooooooooooyieeeeeeeeww pepepepeppepepepepeppieeww Last nights dream I held your hand And asked if you would be Forever mine, together you and me. And we both know You're everything I need And now I know What she does to me She takes me High. SHE TAKES ME HIGH-WE THE KINGS
•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ You'll never enjoy your life, living inside the box You're so afraid of taking chances, how you gonna reach the top? Rules and regulations, force you to play it safe Get rid of all the hesitation, it's time for you to seize the day •○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ waiting outside the lines-greyson chance
•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free? The birth of a song, the death of a dream Closer to the edge This never ending story take forward pride in fate We all fall short of glory Lost in ourselves •○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ closer to the edge-30 seconds to mars
•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ And hey sweetie, Well I need you here tonight, And I know that you don't wanna be leaving me Yeah, you want it, but I can't help it. I just feel complete when you're by my side, But I know you can't come home till they're singing, La, la la la, la la la, Till everyone is singing. •○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ if it means a lot to you-a day to remember
•○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms •○•○•○•○•○•○•○•○ set fire to the third bar-snow patrol