hi, i'm Kaitlin. i'm a short blue eyed brunette. i'm a psych major at SUNY Geneseo
with my two best friends from high school. i'm nineteen,the youngest of five
children, my oldest nephew is only four years younger than me. i love kpop,
i saw Infinite in NYC on 11/16/13 ∞ i saw and met Block B on 6/22/14 & i love
country, i saw Chris Young, David Nail and Randy Houser at Tags on 9/20/13.
follow me ; on instagram @kaitlinsaraa ; kaisaraa.tumblr.com
i've been on witty since November 2008, it's changed a lot. but i love it here♥
rest in peace daddy, i'll see you again someday.. 32057†12114♥
today marks half a year, six whole months, that i've spent on earth without my best friend; my father. i'm proud of myself that i've made it this far, but going the rest of my life without him seems impossible. we didn't know he was sick, there was no way we could've known according to the coroner. he had just helped me move into college five days before he died & four hours before he died i texted him telling him that i was okay and making friends; it was like he waited to know i was alright. he found a way to tell me happy birthday from beyond the grave. i can feel him here with me every single day, but i really want to see him one more time. he always hugged me and made the tears stop when i was hurt, but now i feel so broken and there's no one to make me feel safe. my anxiety has sky rocketed but i'm trying my hardest to get through each day. it's so weird every night not hearing him come home from work, it's so weird being in the house without him; everything is so different. but i've made it this far, i will keep going. i just miss him. to everyone that has lost a parent- i'm here if you ever want to talk, we can cry together. to everyone that still has their parents- please cherish every moment, life is so unfair. 32057†12114
liking kpop is fantastic until your favorites are finally coming to your country aand you live on the wrong coast [bangtan is headlining kcon 2014 in LA and guess who lives in new york] i'm super excited for them but ugh
some days i don't even cry, others i bawl until i can't breathe. some days i do everything in my power to make you proud, others i just lay there and stare at the ceiling. some days i wake up and forget you were taken from us, others i wake up in a panic because i saw you in a dream. some days i want to give up, others i know that's just not an option. everyday i pray to wake up on January 21, 2014 and not be told my daddy passed away. i want to wake up on January 21st and go to class, not scream at the top of my lungs. i want to not have night terrors where i wake up screaming because i swear i felt your hug. i want to tell you about how college is going because i really love it here. i want to call you for words of encouragement during finals week. i'm so glad you got to see me graduate high school, i'm so glad you got to see me move into my dream college. but we were supposed to facetime that Friday. you told mom you were excited for that. you were supposed to see me graduate again, this time from college. we were supposed to have a daddy daughter dance at my wedding. i don't want to go to your final resting place and weep instead of you giving me away. i was supposed to see your face light up with joy when i told that your little girl is starting a family. i want you to be there holding my hand when i have your first grandchild. i want them to know their grandpa. i want them to know he's the greatest man that ever walked the earth. i want them to know that he gave so much for his country and his family. i want them to know that because of him i didn't give up on anything i wanted to do. i don't want to go to grief couseling and tell them all the wonderful things about you. i don't want to continue writing in a journal you said you liked four days before you died. i want you back. i want to drive to Wal Mart listening to kpop just because. i want you to tell me we don't have money for that makeup bag this week. i want you to be on my case about getting a job. i want you to yell at me when i do something wrong. i want you to be a smart aleck and annoy me. i want you to be back on your computer playing that game i never understood. i want you to lecture me on waking up when Cami wakes up. i want to watch family feud with you everyday before you leave for work. i want you to tell me to do the dishes everyday before mom gets home. i want to have you call at 7:12 on the dot on your lunch break and hear you say "i love you" i just want you back daddy, life hasn't been the same since you were given wings. everything's so scary down here on earth without you to scare away all the monsters.
three months ago, my hero was granted his wings. at this time three months ago, we were planning his funeral years before we thought we'd have to. there hasn't been a day within these three months that i haven't prayed to wake up and have him back. i've gone three months without my dad. & it's been the three worst months of my life.
one month ago, i was getting ready for my first day of college classes. one month ago, my brother called and said he was passing through campus and said he was gonna stop and see me. one month ago, my sister-in-law told me to sit down. one month ago, my brother said "mom tried waking your dad up this morning, and she couldn't..." it's been one month. i miss you daddy.
i'm coming up on my five year witty anniversary, and i want to thank every single one of you. because of all the witty girls throughout the years, i've found strength when i didn't think i was capable of it. i came on here when i needed advice and when i needed a laugh. » i joined when the top quotes were voted on, not faved. i remember every witty fad we had. through it all i discovered my college major. i love you all, thank you. ♥
please don't you ever give up. i wanted to give up a few years back, but i refused to let my demons win. it's taken me 18 years, but i love who i am now. i would've never known that it would get better if i gave up. you can do this. i love you.