CrackerJacks97*'s Favorites

happiest*
posted a quote
January 13, 2014 2:11pm UTC

a shooting star is actually someone driving off rainbow road

👍 this is good · read the comments · 112 points

yourcool
posted a quote
January 17, 2014 7:09am UTC

the head of a company survived 9/11 because
his son started kindergarten.
another fellow was alive because it was
his turn to bring donuts.
one woman was late because her
alarm clock didn't go off in time.
one was late because of being stuck in the NJ turnpike
because of an auto accident.
one of them
missed his bus.
one spilled food on her clothes and had to take
time to change.
one's
car wouldn't start.
one couldn't
get a taxi.
the one that stuck me the most was the man
who put on a new pair of shoes that morning.
took the various means to get to work but before
he got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
he stopped at a drugstore to buy a band-aid.
that is what he is alive today...
now when i am
stuck in traffic
miss an elevator,
turn back to answer a ringing telephone...
all the little things that annoy me,
i think to myself,
this is exaclty where
i'm meant to be
at the very moment.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 182 points

happiest*
posted a quote
January 16, 2014 2:04pm UTC

why does my body keep producing acne why can’t you focus on more important things like growing wings or making me hot or

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happiest*
posted a quote
January 14, 2014 1:57pm UTC

Old Generation:"You were named after your grandfather."
Now Generation:"You were named after a celebrity." Next Generation:"You were named after a fictional character."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 106 points

Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 13, 2014 7:15am UTC

Some people should use a
glue stick instead of
chapstick.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 131 points

happiest*
posted a quote
January 12, 2014 2:28pm UTC

"Describe your style"
anything on sale

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 112 points

happiest*
posted a quote
January 12, 2014 2:26pm UTC

i remember once i was walking to class near this group of guys and one of them saw his girlfriend and one of his friends was like “c’mon man bros before hoes” and the guy looked him dead in the eye and said “she’s the bro and y’all b-tches are the hoes” before going to talk to his girlfriend and i have never seen a group of guys in sagging jeans and ridiculous shoes look so offended

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 125 points

happiest*
posted a quote
January 13, 2014 2:06pm UTC

me:this book brutally ripped out my heart and tore it to shreds then stomped it into the ground as i drowned in a sea of my tears and basked in eternal sorrow
me:here read it

👍 this is good · read the comments · 153 points

happiest*
posted a quote
January 12, 2014 2:24pm UTC

Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out, so you just stare blankly into space while feeling your heart break into pieces

👍 this is good · read the comments · 166 points

Steve
posted a quote
January 16, 2014 1:44pm UTC

Today is my 10 Year Anniversary on Witty Profiles.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 451 points

iLL-Legal Alien👽*
posted a quote
December 2, 2013 7:29pm UTC

Gets compliment from Attractive Person : I like your name.
Me : Thanks, I got it for my birthday.
That is why I'm single folks.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 100 points

Amenah
posted a quote
December 5, 2013 2:28pm UTC

If you don't have a girl crush
on Emma Watson and/or Jennifer Lawrence,
I don't know what you're doing with your life.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 135 points

_Jannette
posted a quote
December 2, 2013 11:31am UTC

I kinda want kids but I dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but I don't wanna adopt either because it's expensive and I want them to be mine, do you see my dilemma?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 106 points

iLL-Legal Alien👽*
posted a quote
December 2, 2013 7:26pm UTC

No Girlfriend November was a success ;
Now for Don't Date December ;
Forever-Alone February ;
No Match March...
I got this.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 118 points

*Elena;~ ♥*

posted a quote
December 4, 2013 6:17pm UTC

Ever since Obama became president,
there's been more movies about the White
House blowing up. I think movie producers
are trying to tell us something.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 114 points

Cammie
posted a quote
December 6, 2013 10:33pm UTC

I think the creepiest thing in the world is what society
has done to the word “daddy”

👍 this is good · read the comments · 163 points

Ethanol
posted a quote
December 4, 2013 4:28am UTC

plot twist: witty is overpopulated.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 116 points

*Elena;~ ♥*

posted a quote
December 7, 2013 1:42pm UTC

*Suddenly realizes that next year is like 3 weeks away*
what
what
what
what
what
what
what
what
Hey Macklemore can we go thrift shopping

👍 this is good · read the comments · 155 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 3, 2013 2:14pm UTC

Friendly reminder: your future and your health are more important than having a six pack. Your abs aren’t visible in clothes, and the people who see you when you’re not in clothes don’t care if you have visible abs or not. So they’re there for your own personal enjoyment, and if you decide you enjoy books or tv or cinnamon rolls more than you enjoy having abs, then that is a perfectly legitimate life decision and you have nobody to answer to but yourself.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 119 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 6, 2013 3:19pm UTC

bad people shouldnt be allowed to have clear skin or good hair or nice jaw lines or green eyes

👍 this is good · read the comments · 170 points