Witty Profiles

jezzay

1. jezzay
   posted a quote
   July 3, 2013 10:56am UTC
   "Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas were going to be at my table [at the Golden Globes]; they started sitting down and I was like, "Oh my God!!" and they were like, "Oh, wrong table..." and turned around and walked away. I was like, "No!" That's like when a waiter comes out with amazing food, and you're starving, and they make eye contact with you, and then just walk right past you."
   - Jennifer Flawless Lawrence
   
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2. jezzay
   posted a quote
   March 28, 2013 5:20pm UTC
   GUYS I'M SEEING
   TAYLOR SWIFT
   &
   ED SHEERAN
   TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!
   :D
   ...oh and that other band no one knows/cares about rofl
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point
3. jezzay
   posted a quote
   February 6, 2013 8:54pm UTC
   Why is Peter Pan always flying?
   Because he neverlands.
   I love this joke because it never grows old.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 249 points
4. jezzay
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2013 9:30pm UTC
   dad: "why are your pajama pants so short?"
   me: "YEAH I'M WONDERING WHY SOMETHING ELSE IS SO SHORT!" (if you guys think you know what that thing was...you're probably right xD)
   dad: "...you better be talking about the dog's tail..."
   me: "...sure let's go with that..."
   
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5. jezzay
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2013 9:17pm UTC
   the #1 most awkward moment for any normal human:
   watching your own father taking his sweet time eating a chocolate covered banana
   WEARING NOTHING BUT TIGHTY WHITIES
   my poor eyes... -_-
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 18 points
6. jezzay
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2013 9:00pm UTC
   "Make sure your birthday is set correctly! Witty Profiles now enforces COPPA based on your birthday."
   so at first i thought COPPA was some kind of thing that tells you happy birthday when you sign into witty on your birthday and i was all
   8D
   then i googled it and i was all
   ...-_-
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 4 points
7. jezzay
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2013 8:45pm UTC
   why do the teenage mutant ninja turtles wear masks?
   i mean, it's not like people
   can tell that they're
   GIANT
   FREAKING
   TURTLES
   or anything
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 11 points
8. jezzay
   posted a quote
   January 29, 2013 5:00pm UTC
   me: "mom do you love me?"
   mom: "nope." (she was kidding)
   me: "tell me you love me!"
   mom: "i have a big sore in my nose and it hurts!"
   me: "...close enough."
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point
9. jezzay
   posted a quote
   December 20, 2012 3:54pm UTC
   *mom is watching an old black&white movie*
   me: "what movie is that?"
   mom: "a stupid one."
   me: "......THAT DOESN'T REALLY ANSWER MY QUESTION BUT OKAY..."
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
10. jezzay
    posted a quote
    December 19, 2012 11:49pm UTC
    me: "having fun?"
    dad: "yes this is my having fun time."
    me: "having fun time, is that what it's called?"
    dad: "yes, you know what it used to be called?"
    me: "what?"
    dad: "having fun time. they never changed it."
    me: "...k."
    dad: "you know who else is having fun?"
    me: "who?"
    dad: "no he's not having fun...do you know what i'm holding?"
    me: "what are you holding?"
    dad: *holds up random humidifier* "the having fun time humidifier."
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
11. jezzay
    posted a quote
    December 18, 2012 5:26pm UTC
    my dad & i are sitting 5 feet from each other in the same room.
    i'm on witty & he's writing an important business email.
    he specifically told me to be quiet for the next 15 minutes.
    *five minutes after*
    me: *scroll*
    me: *scroll*
    me: *scroll*
    me: *scroll*
    me: *sees epic quote*
    me: *tries to not laugh, instead makes loud awkward snorting noise*
    me: OH GOD...OH GOD...OH GOD I CAN'T...
    me: *laughter turns into a massive choking fit*
    dad: *stares*
    dad: *stares*
    dad: *stares*
    dad: ...i knew if i had a son this would never happen
    dad: STUPID CHROMOSOMES
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

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