I need to know if you left me because you don't like me at all or because you like me too much. I know it's because of your depression, but I think I could help you get better. I could move on if I truly believed you never cared about me at all, but I don't believe that. The way you acted towards me, the things you said to me, the things you went out your way to do for me, and all the plans you made for us won't let me believe that you didn't and don't care about me. I saw a quote on tumblr the other day that reminded me of you. It said, "I didn't want to hurt you and I ended up hurting myself." I think that's what you did. I think you left me because you wanted to protect me from you, but you don't realize that leaving me hurt me more than anything else you would do to me and you don't believe that I could help you during your dark times. I'm worried about you. I'm terrified you'll do something to hurt yourself. Since you won't talk to me and it's summer, I won't know if you do harm yourself. That's my biggest fear. I didn't expect us to spend the rest of our lives together, but I thought we'd stick out the rest of high school together. We only have a year left and we could spend it together. I was okay before you and I'm okay now, but the thing is, I was better than okay when I was with you. And you seemed happy, too, so unless you were acting the entire time or your feelings for me dramatically changed in a very short time, you cared about me, too. I would take you back. I feel like that's not something I should openly admit, but it's true and I'm not afraid of the truth. If you don't want a relationship right now, how about a friendship? I don't understand why you're always the one who gets to cut me out of your life. I've never walked out of yours and all I ever really wanted to be was your friend. You told me that you liked me last year, but I remember whenever I said hi to you in English class, you basically ignored me and avoided eye contact and further conversation. Maybe you were awkward and I made you nervous, but I made an attempt to be your friend, which is more than you can say. I asked you to winter formal this year because I just wanted a nice guy to go with, and you didn't have any fun or really make it fun for me purely because you had a crush on a girl you couldn't have and because I wasn't good enough for you. I knew you liked her and I didn't expect you to become my boyfriend. All I wanted was to go to the dance with a date and have fun, but I wasn't good enough to even be your friend. You should have just said no when I asked you. That might have saved us both a lot of trouble. Then you suddenly decided you liked me a few months ago. Why did you decide that? Did you just want a girlfriend and think I was on standby? I talked to you and texted you back because I thought it would be too rude to just ignore you (despite the fact you did that to me in the past) and I liked being friends with you (that was all I ever really wanted). I was supposed to tell you that I didn't like you as anything more than a friend so I wouldn't be leading you on, but I didn't have the courage to do so. For some reason, I decided I would say yes when you asked me out. I still didn't like you very much for the first two or three weeks of our relationship and I frequently thought about breaking up with you, but I stuck it out and I was happy I did because then our relationship became great. We were so happy together and completely comfortable with each other. We were so happy. The last thing we actually did together was when we made out in the back of my car for an hour and a half afterschool. I left forty five minutes after I originally intended to purely because we couldn't stop kissing each other. Maybe I read too much into the things you did and said, but I didn't think our relationship would be so easy to walk away from. And if your reason for doing so is that it was too hard with your depression, good things don't come easily. There are things worth fighting for, and I thought we were one of them. If you or other people think you're not good enough for me, who cares? I wanted and want to be with you, and that's all that matters. If you do think that you're not good enough for me, that shows that you need me to remind you that you're not as terrible as you think you are and show you how great of a person you really are. Like I said before, I was okay before you and I'm okay now. I will always be okay no matter what happens because that's what you have to do in life: be okay. When you fall down, you have to get back up again and take another step forward. Sometimes okay is the best you can be. That's why, when you find something or someone who makes you feel better than okay, you fight for them.
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