confessions (because my bailey button did it)
i. I'm really pale, so I tend to wear darker clothing, as I feel it makes me look both tanner and more mature. Most people think I'm goth because of it, which is entirely untrue.
ii. I have a hard time trusting people and making friends, since most people at my school are hypocritical and judgmental, never really knowing me before writing me off. I've also felt violated in a more personal and sexual manner, causing me to create barriers. I'm unable to go on dates with people who my friends don't like, I have to talk to the person for at least a month and make sure they understand my boundaries and won't push them. I've never told anyone why, because I know the guy will refute my claims and tell me I'm exaggerating.
iii. I'm self-conscious about my looks but not my body. I consistently wish I had a different nose or mouth to match my body, and am considering plastic surgery when I get older. I would never consider myself confident, as I tend to be more insecure, but if I had a different face to match my body, which I am extremely proud of.
iv. I'm an emotional person, which has been both a blessing and a curse. My emotional side has allowed me to be more emphatetic and connect with others, however I cry at least once a day and am picked on by my family and friends because of it.
v. I dream of moving to a big city, like Chicago or San Francisco, where I can start over. Living in a small town, everyone knows everyone and it haunts me, the reality being that everyone will stay in my town forever and never branch out. I don't want that to be me -- it's my biggest fear.
vi. I'm insanely attracted to men that are darker. The concept of white men scare me, after my violation by a white man, my abuse from a white man, and bullying from a white man. My closest friends are of darker skin colors. They are the kindest and most inclusive, as they understand what it's like to be left on the outside. I have a special love for Cuban boys, specifically. Give me a Cuban boy and within five minutes I will fall in love -- it's a scientific fact.