I just read an article about a well-known evangelical Christian pastor's son committing suicide. My first thought was Wow, talk about irony! To be honest, I was amused, per say. I didn't think it was funny, but I appreciate irony, especially when it involves religion. Coming from a part-Catholic family, I have had plenty of time to ponder the existence of God, and I'm still not sure what I believe. I find many of the Catholic beliefs absolutely ludicrous and absurd, but I haven't figured out if I feel that way about the actual existence of God. I found it ironic, though, because suicide is considered a grave sin in Christianity, and what's more ironic than a pastor's child sinning? Upon continuing the article, I learned that the son, Matthew, suffered from a mental illness that led to depression and suicidal thoughts. I also read something that really stuck with me: in a letter to his church, the pastor wrote, "I'll never forget how, many years ago, after another approach had failed to give relief, Matthew said, 'Dad, I know I'm going to heaven. Why can't I just die and end this pain?'" That quote hit me. I'm not sure why - I'm not sure why I'm even writing this, to be honest. I guess I just wanted to make it known that even a pastor's son can commit suicide, even a pastor's son can suffer from depression, just like your friends, your family, or maybe yourself. And athough I personally find suicide to be a selfish, unnecessary act (which is not the point of this post, that's a discussion for another time) I was somewhat...inspired...by that quote. Not by the suicide, but by the son's optimism and faith. He believed that God would forgive him, despite committing a grave sin, which is fascinating to me. I'm fascinated that someone can have that much faith in something that isn't tangible. And I realize that this entire paragraph can seem rather contradictory - implying that even God can't save you from depression or suicide, yet saying that the son's faith in God was, for lack of a better word, inspiring. The purpose of this wasn't to impose my beliefs on anyone; the purpose of this was to articulate what has been going through my mind for the past couple of hours, mostly because if I didn't, I would think about it constantly. And I'm going to end this by saying Rest In Peace. Not just to Matthew, but to my dad's best friend, who was killed in a car accident earlier this year; to my friend's aunt, who died from cancer a few weeks ago. Rest In Peace to everyone who is in both my thoughts and yours while while the topic of death crosses our minds. Because you're thinking of someone right now, aren't you? They deserve recognition, too.
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