every now and then i fall apart.
What would you do if I killed myself? If I didn’t care so much about other people’s feelings, I would have killed myself a long time ago. I’m strong on the surface, not all the way through. Try to imagine jumping from the edge of a very tall building. Just floating, flying, weightless. Those seconds would feel like minutes, and you’d be completely at peace. I often find myself wondering if that feeling would be worth hitting the ground at the end. It’s hard. Smiling everyday. Just so people think you’re happy. When really? You have depression. And if you ever told anyone? They’d never believe you.
I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I'll never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when I will finally let myself be happy.
most of all, i'm just tired of being tired.