Hey everyone. It's Taylor. Heres a few facts about me.
~I have insanely low self-esteem
~I feel I'm worthless, unworthy of being loved, I hurt everyone, I'm a f*ck up, I will never amount to anything, I'm a failure, I look disgusting, and I deserve to have the f*cked up life I have
~I lost the love of my life because I'm not worth his effort or time anymore. He was my only thing left.
~Don't be surprised if one day you hear I've killed myself.
~I'm a very confused and confusing person who can't even keep track of her own thoughts
~I'm often trapped inside the terrifying void of my mind where my old memories, undiscovered feelings, and covered up feelings like to hide in the very depths of my mind
~I write poetry but it's usually depressing
~I have a tendency to call everyone "bro"
~I don't believe in God at all. Try to push your religion on me and you will find I can become one of the biggest b*tches you will ever meet.
~I find the quote "I hate the word homophobic. It is not a phobia. You are not afraid. You're just an a**hole" to be true.
~I'm strongly opinionated and it's nearly impossible to change my opinions on certain things
~I haven't been diagnosed with it but my mood are generally pretty bipolar
~I have anger problems and get angered very easily but I generally take my anger out on myself by punching things or physically hurting myself
~I don't like talking about my personal problems to people I don't know so my quotes are generally kind of vague. Please do not ask my about my personal life beyond what's in my quotes unless you want a vague, seemingly emotionless answer to your question
~I'm always here for anyone that needs me no matter what. Don't hesitate to comment on my profile or one of my quotes asking for help.
If you actually read all of that, thank you. I didn't think anyone would actually care enough about me to read all of that.
I finally got to see you today. Your eyes aren’t as bright as they were before. I can tell you’ve lost most of your spirit after she broke every piece of you that you gave her. I also know what you’re hiding under the sleeves of your favorite leather jacket and it honestly breaks my heart. You’ve always been a fighter, eager to take on anyone or anything, and I know you still have so much fight left in you. I know you see it too. You’ve always wanted to be a warrior. Well, now you are. You’re in a war against your pain and I know you can win. I will always be here if you need me because even the best warriors need a little help sometimes. Stay strong, little fighter. I’ll be cheering for you.
✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎ Hey guys! If you haven't noticed, I'm never on here anymore. I may put on quotes every once in a while but if you want to see more of me, follow me on tumblr(: taylorslittlelife taylorslittlelife.tumblr.com ✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎✐✎ cookiedoughformats
Hey guys. So this might be my last post on this site or any site, actually. There are two possible outcomes of tomorrow. If the first happens then you'll probably see more posts from me (not that you care). If the second one happens, I don't think I can do it. I try to stay strong but I don't know if I'll be able to if this happens. It's hard to stay strong or even alive when your only reason to keep breathing doesn't care if you do or not.
Right now I just need to spend a day cuddling with my boyfriend and sleeping in the warmth of his arms because any other task seems to make this worse. I hardly have the energy to get out of bed anymore. I don't understand what's wrong with me.
I've been hurt so much. When I met you, I was hesitant but you tried convincing me it was okay. I finally took the risk and put my all into us and you did too. Well, at first. It seems like the longer we're together, the less you care. Please keep loving me. I'm losing so many people in my life lately and everything seems to be falling apart. I can't lose you. I just can't. Please don't leave...
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to a photobooth. Looking at our pictures, I realized something. We're both kind of bad at taking normal pictures. Only about 5 out of 8 pictures were normal. There's even one of me licking his slightly confused and freaked out face. I don't care. I love them anyways❤
Can we just stay together forever? I can fall asleep in your arms every night and wake up to your warm body against mine. I can make you breakfast, even if I can hardly cook. We can argue over what show to watch then end up watching a movie anyways. We can go for walks and make our own little weird comments on life as it passes us by. We can go on random dates, even if it's just to a park down the road. We can look at little kids as they run by and think "When we have kids together, they'll be absolutely adorable". We can cook dinner together, knowing a food fight is possible at any time. We can take stupid pictures together then go back and make fun of how stupid we are. We can cuddle on a bed surrounded by our 3 dogs we plan on getting. We can shoot each other with nerf guns just because it's fun. We can fight over the blanket like we usually do. We can spend hours laying there making weird faces, poking each other, and having random conversations. We can go grocery shopping and make fun of how different yet oddly similar our taste in food is. We can have stupid fights then kiss and make up the same night because neither of us wants to go to sleep angry. We can spend forever together. Maybe I'm just a hopeless dreamer. Maybe this won't work out. Who knows? All I know is that there's a future and I hope with all my heart that you're in it❤
You treat me like crap but I still say I'm the one that doesn't deserve you. I always say I'm the lucky one but you know what? No. YOU'RE the lucky one for finding a girl that puts up with everything from you and still loves you every second of every day. You have a girl that has stayed with you through your felony charge, your insults, not seeing you for 2-3 weeks at a time for 3 months, your sarcastic and painful comments and jokes, etc. I loved you through everything these past 7 months while you don't even seem to try anymore. No, I'm not the lucky one. You are. Maybe you should start acting like it before your luck runs out.
I look in the mirror and all I see is fat and something disgusting. Apparently my boyfriend sees it too because he recently began calling me fat. My friend Dante sees anything but that. He lives thousands of miles away and has never seen my full body, only my face. Friday night, I kept telling him how I was disgusting and fat. He just kept saying that I was beautiful. I got mad and said "You've never even seen my stomach." He replied "Well then let me see it. Send me a picture of your stomach" so I did. He told me I'm not fat and that he loves my stomach. He also said "You're so beautiful, you don't even understand, I'd kill to be your bf, he's so lucky to have a girl like you, you're the most gorgeous, funny, kind, b*tchy, loving, smart, caring girl in the world" along with a few other extremely sweet things. I don't even know what to think right now. I just need to talk to both him and my boyfriend right now. Too bad I can't talk to either of them. I just don't know.
You know what, babe? Thank you for calling me fat again. I'd forgotten about that. Thank you for the reminder of yet another thing I need to fix about myself and for being an honest boyfriend, even if it does hurt like f/ck.
I couldn't have picked a worse time to stop eating. I have to go to my cousins birthday tomorrow where they'll expect me to eat with them. Looks like it's time to put my skills of hiding my problems to the test. Wish me luck.
As I lay here, I can't help but wish I was with you. I want to be wrapped in your arms and fall asleep listening to your soft breathing and steady heartbeat. I want to wake up to your warm body next to mine as you gently kiss the top of my head and whisper "Good morning babe". I want to lay there with you, not getting out of bed because the thought of spending forever in that moment seems perfectly fine to me. But I know that won't happen. You're probably fast asleep in your bed across town as I lay here wanting nothing more than to be by your side.
This morning, I looked at my boyfriend, smiled, and said "You're mine forever, 'kay?". He replied "Okay" and had the most sweet and sincere smile I've seen on him in so long. I've really missed that smile❤
I miss cuddling on the couch with you. I miss how your arm would try to pull me closer even though I was already pressed against you, your reason being you just wanted to be as close as you could. I miss shoving each other over while playing kinect. I miss you lifting me into the air and kissing me. I miss laying in the field with you and being perfectly happy with the silence simply because we got to be together. I miss sitting on the floor with you and your baby sister, watching you play with her while you sang along with her musical toys. I miss having late night phone calls and having to hide our phones from our parents and whisper so we wouldn't get in trouble for being up so late. I miss the cute texts to wake up to when I fell asleep first (no matter how rare that was). I miss you falling alseep on the phone, listening to your soft breathing for a few minutes, then whispering "I love you" into the phone and hanging up. I miss riding the bus home with you every once in a while because you knew I hated being home. I miss spending late nights at your house and getting to fall asleep in your arms, at least for a little while. I miss hearing your calm and soothing voice when I was having a breakdown. I miss having construction class together and sneaking around corners for a quick kiss so our friends didn't give up crap for it. I miss all of the old things we did. Things sure have changed, huh babe? Yes, it sucks we aren't how we used to be but remember this. Even though things have been kind of hard for us lately, I will always stay by your side. I will always love you. I promise.
I refuse to lose you. I just can't. I've lost so many people this past year and I know there are so many more to come. But out of every person in my life, you're the most important. You're the one I refuse to lose. If I lose you, I lose myself along with my reason to continue breathing.
Today, my teacher that I've had for over a year decided to call my mom. He said he's noticed that I'm acting different lately and seem to have lost motivation and interest in my once favorite class. He told her that he's concerned and thinks something's going on with me or that something's wrong. Is it really that obvious?...