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  1. MyWittyProfile MyWittyProfile
    posted a quote
    September 23, 2012 1:15pm UTC
    [ ] single
    [ ] taken
    [✓] I run a blog

  2. EdwardScissorhands EdwardScissorhands
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2012 6:32pm UTC
    Sometimes, the memories were bearable.
    Other times, they were suffocating.

  3. lovesickmelody lovesickmelody
    posted a quote
    September 19, 2012 12:35pm UTC
    feeling super! super! super! suicidal

  4. Oreos Oreos
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2012 3:01pm UTC
    How to survive a Horror Movie.
    1.Never be the hero.
    2.Never say 'I'll be right back'
    3.Don't be curious or suspicious.
    4.Always look back.
    5.Don't fall over that imaginary branch.
    6.Never go somewhere alone.
    7.Get weapons.
    8.Hide in the fridge.I'm pretty sure the killer won't want snacks.
    9. Don't look through peep holes. You'll end up with one eye
    10.Remember,only retards go upstairs when a killer's attacking.
    11.Don't yell 'Hello' when you're alone.The killer is hardly going to reply with 'Sup Bro?Wanna
    play some MW3?'
    12.If it's not behind you,it's above you.Fact.
    13.Don't be a smartass and try to anger the killer.You'll be the next target.
    14.If it's dead,leave it alone.
    15.Don't start making out with your new hot boyfriend/girlfriend/cat in the car.
    16. Always listen to the old creepy guy who says there's danger ahead.
    He's right.
    17.It isn't your dog licking your hand. Your dog is dead.
    18.If you think the monster is dead,IT'S NOT.
    19.Don't go searching for something in the basement,even if the lights have gone out.
    20.Make sure your gas tank is full.
    21. Get a boyfriend. He'll die first which will give you more time to run.
    22.You're an idiot if you think stabbing the killer is a good idea.
    23.Learn to clib trees,sweetie.
    24.Blood=Somebody has died/is dying.
    25.Only stupid people use lamps as weapons.
    26.If you get a phone call while babysitting that consists of 'Have you checked the kids?',you
    just might want to make a run for it.Forget the kids,let's care about ourselves.
    27.Nightmares are never just mightmares.
    28.Moving to Elm Street is a bad idea,unless you want to stay up late every night. WOO RAVE!
    29.Don't buy a cheap house in the middle of nowhere.
    30.RUN B/ITCH RUN.

  5. BlackButterflies BlackButterflies
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 12:33am UTC
    + a moment of silence
    for all the guys and girls on witty
    who have ever been stuck in the friendzone.

  6. celestialerror* celestialerror*
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 6:54pm UTC
    I was a heavy heart to carry,
    my feat dragged across ground;
    and he took me to the river
    where he slowly let me drown.

  7. celestialerror* celestialerror*
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 8:33pm UTC
    I hate that moment when you seem to be getting better. You seem to have it all together for once. You seem to be content for once. You actually smile because you want to. Then, little things happen and they get to you. They eat at you. It’s only slight at first; just ticking away at your barriers. But, then, in that one moment, you lose it all. And you can’t control anything. You feel dizzy and dark. Lost and confused. Hopeless. And you have absolutely no one to talk to, because you feel like this parasite that can’t be dealt with any longer. You lie on your floor, shaking. Sobbing. Your eyes, face, and stomach burning. And you fall for the billionth time.

  8. bella5296 bella5296
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 9:50pm UTC
    Why am I always the odd one out?


  9. posted a quote
    January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
    This quote does not exist.

  10. MissAnna MissAnna
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 11:10pm UTC
    A woman was gossiping with her friend about a man whom they hardly knew. That night, she had a dream: a great hand appeared over her and pointed down on her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O' Rourke, and she told him the whole thing. 'Is gossiping a sin?' she asked the old man. 'Was that God All Mighty's hand pointing down at me? Should I ask for your absolution? Father, have I done something wrong?' 'Yes,' Father O' Rourke answered her. 'Yes, you ignorant, badly-brought-up female. So, the woman said she was sorry, and asked for forgiveness. 'Not so fast,' says O' Rourke. 'I want you to go home, take a pillow upon your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me.' So, the woman went home: took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to her roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed. 'Did you gut the pillow with a knife?' he says. 'Yes, Father.' 'And what were the results?' 'Feathers,' she said. 'Feathers?' he repeated. 'Feathers; everywhere, Father.'
    'Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out onto the wind,
    ' 'Well,' she said, 'it can't be done. I don't know where they went. The wind took them all over.' 'And that,' said Father O' Rourke, 'is gossip!'

  11. yourcool yourcool
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2012 5:11pm UTC
    No one thought I would ever do it.
    I loved my hair too much.
    It was one of the only things I was ever certain I liked about myself.
    Everyone knew that.
    A few weeks before school had started, I cut my hair.
    I donated 10 inches to "Locks of Love."
    I figured, I wasn't doing anything with my hair.
    It was just there, hanging.
    I figured a cancer patient needed it more than I did.
    It was one of the easiest decisions I have ever made.

  12. standstill_lookpretty standstill_lookpretty
    posted a quote
    August 20, 2012 3:31am UTC
    'why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side!'
    i've heard this joke at least 1,000 times in my life
    but i only just realized what it actually means
    they don't mean the other side of the road
    they mean the other side of life
    they mean death

  13. ricecrispy2128 ricecrispy2128
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2012 10:07pm UTC
    I NEED YOUR HELP.
    i really need to lose weight.
    i promise i'm not doing this for faves
    but i really want look better and feel more confortable in my body.
    here's the deal:
    1 fave: 2O sit-ups a day
    1 comment: 2O push- ups a day
    1 fave and 1 comment: run around my block everyday (2 miles)
    please help me... i need this... ♥

  14. WonderfulLove WonderfulLove
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2012 9:19pm UTC
    "Are you okay?..."
    She just sits there and stares at you for a minute.
    Then smiles that cynical smile, her eyes completely dead.
    "Sure."

  15. kclove5 kclove5
    posted a quote
    September 15, 2012 11:17pm UTC
    And what is an "instant" death anyways? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air or blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is an instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.


  16. posted a quote
    January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
    This quote does not exist.

  17. oblivion oblivion
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 11:14pm UTC
    I'm just going to let it be.
    Take it as it comes and
    watch it as it leaves

  18. ThatsSoMeee ThatsSoMeee
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 3:46pm UTC
    IMAGINE
    A MIRROR
    THAT COULD
    REVEAL YOUR
    PERSONALITY,
    WOULD YOU
    DARE LOOK?

  19. gracegreene gracegreene
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2012 7:31pm UTC
    Every night she cries herself to sleep, thinking
    why does this happen to me?

  20. icedropss icedropss
    posted a quote
    May 18, 2012 6:22pm UTC
    And so ends another tiring year of
    forgotten promises and skinny love.
    A year of bitter winters and
    autumn chills, of pale limbs,
    and cold fingers, frail words,
    and long nights. Vacant
    smiles, and lonely afternoons,
    of sad music, and empty rooms,
    of lost parcels and long
    letters, and late movies. -
    format to paperlung.

:)

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