Witty Profiles

confused*

1. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 14, 2014 8:26pm UTC
   hey little puppy!
   *throws stick* fetch!!
   *he slowly walks towards me*
   *whispers in my ear*
   "stop trying to make "fetch" happen"
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 24 points
2. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 13, 2014 3:16pm UTC
   well well well, look what the cat dragged in.. another corpse, dude this is getting out of hand, where is fluffy even getting these
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
3. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 13, 2014 3:13pm UTC
   what if eyebrows dont know when to stop growing and there are little eyebrow fairies that come to us in our sleep and keep them nice and trimmed each night and we dont know because we are sleeping
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
4. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 13, 2014 3:11pm UTC
   when i was little i thought food poisoning meant that someone had literally poisoned your food and one time my sister got food poisoning from mccdonalds so i told everyone at school that the drive thru guy tried to kill my sister
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points
5. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 11, 2014 4:35pm UTC
   THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE WANTS TO BAN HOMEWORK
   well this is it
   bonjour my petite croissants
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
6. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 10, 2014 6:03pm UTC
   *murderer walks inside home*
   me: i'm already dead inside.
   *murderer walks out*
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
7. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2014 5:03pm UTC
   Simon Cowell is so rich, why does it feel like he only owns white shirts from Walmart?
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
8. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2014 2:11pm UTC
   who needs hashtags when
   there are hashbrowns
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
9. confused*
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2014 1:03pm UTC
   me: pls god let 2014 be my year
   god: lmao
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
10. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 5, 2014 12:49pm UTC
    before you unfollow me i challenge you to a duel
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points
11. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2014 1:27pm UTC
    do you ever see a picture of your internet friend for the first time and you just kinda think
    it appears i have accidentally befriended a beauty goddess
    well
    sh/t
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
12. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2014 1:20pm UTC
    *steps out onto balcony* where are my fans at
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
13. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2014 1:11pm UTC
    *stabs you in the chest* why are u screaming i said april fools wtf calm down
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
14. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2014 1:06pm UTC
    American Horror Story: Flappy Bird
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
15. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2014 1:04pm UTC
    a disney movie where the princess meets her prince online
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
16. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2014 7:04pm UTC
    my sister isn’t talking to me bc earlier she was doing her homework and she was like "god i need somewhere flat to write" and i said "how about your chest"
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points
17. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2014 6:56pm UTC
    i really want to carry a torch in a cave just like one time
    
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18. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2014 6:51pm UTC
    *steps on something wet*
    *screams for 34 years*
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 6 points
19. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2014 6:17pm UTC
    If an intruder ever comes to f/cking murder you. You throw your mother f/cking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever f/ck around with you if you did that.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
20. confused*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2014 6:11pm UTC
    it’s not you’re* or your* it’s all Mine
    everything is Mine
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

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