I know What it's like to lose somebody you love And I know what it's like to lose yourself to the drugs And I know what it's like to have to let go of someone 'Cause they hurt you so bad that you're not the person you was
My heart’s aflutter! I am standing in the bath tub crying. Mother, mother who am I? If he will just come back once and kiss me on the face his coarse hair brush my temple, it’s throbbing! then I can put on my clothes I guess, and walk the streets. Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting, and modern. The country is grey and brown and white in trees, snows and skies of laughter always diminishing, less funny not just darker, not just grey. It may be the coldest day of the year, what does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again.
pensée* posted a quote
September 1, 2017 7:59pm EDT
my [grand]mother moved out of her body decided it was no longer worthy it couldn't contain her laughter she couldn't obey the house rules of human her spirit that young & fresh fever wanted to call the night her dance club wanted to try on new clothes stay out later my [grand]mother now wears the world dresses herself with the tall grass blushes her cheeks with red clay she laughs & a forest fire awakens she laughs & every mountain bows to her sharp thunder she laughs & each cicada begins to sing last night Saint Paul was cloaked in steam: fog traveled from some distant heat no, i think you've got it all wrong someone must have asked my [grand]mother to dance —DEATH AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A SONG
Do you know how many nights I've spent writing and rewriting paragraphs only to never send them to you? How I've spent hours into the night staring at my screen or paper trying to find words that mean something, words that would be worth your attention. Only to give up because my mind isn't capable of expressing what I feel in words. I know that phrase is over-used but I really can't find the words that somehow others can to express what is felt about you. And I hate that, but right now I want you to know I love, appreciate, care for, admire? DAMNIIT THESE WORDS MEAN NOTHING THEY AREN'T EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT I FEEL. Maybe If I find more emotional words like "My heart pitter-patters for you" no, nobody says that anymore. What about how she affects my life? Who am I kidding, if I knew how she affected my life we wouldn't need to date. Why is this so hard? Maybe I'll have the words tomorow... I'm going to bed.