You dont have to read this, its a long letter to my Nona(Grandma) she passed away a while back and this is just part of a letter I'm writing to her. sorry for those of you who do read this because its so long.
Dear Nona,
So, today its Christmas Eve and i miss you soo much. I know Christmas was always your favorite holliday and thats why it was always Pa's too. I bet it still is, I mean he loved it for so long; as a kid and then when you guys got married he enjoyed it more. Now that you're gone he's kind of upset on Christmas. This year I'm going with him to mass on Christmas morning, i think. So, January 2nd will be the 7th year. You just made it through that year. In my last year with you I was so young. I didn't know what "cancer" was or how horrible it was, all i knew was you were sick, and you wore a wig, and you were weak. That year I learned how to help cook part of our Christmas dinner, all of us did. Even though you were so sick and weak you tried to fight through it all and put on a smile whenever I was at your house. Most people in Kidergarden are 5 or 6, I was 4. I lost the most important person in my life when i was only 4 years old. It was soo hard on all of us when you were sick. I barely remember you Nona, all that I remember is that we would always make mac and cheese, I obviously wouldn't do much, but you pretended I did it all. You always pushed me to be the best I could be; you never let me color outside the lines, I never told a single lie when you were around because you would catch me and you would be soo mad, you were always there for me. You were an amazing person, I loved you so much, I still do! I don't know why I keep using past tense words, because I know you are still here with me! You're looking down on me from heaven, you're watching me type this, you're watching me cry, you're hearing me think about all the stupid things I think about. I know that if you could talk to me right now you would tell me not to cry because you aren't sick anymore and i'll get to see you someday in the future and that you're with your parents, Papa and Grandma Gigi. I know you would tell me that John isn't worth my time and that I'm trying soo hard to impress and get close to someone who won't even go half the distance for me. I know you would tell me I shouldn't hurt myself because it just ruins my future and I'm too good for that and even though things are hard right now, they'll get better. I know that if you were here with me in person still through everything i went through this year you would have me lay down, put my head in your lap, and you would rub my face and sing to me, just like you used. I know we would still have the Lake house and me and you could just walk down by the lake and you would help me build a sand castle. But I also know that I probably would try and be too cool to be seen with you and i would think it was lame and everything just like i think about my Grandma, but if you were still alive and I knew how things are without you I wouldn't take you for granted. I know i probably spelled a lot wrong in this, you would be pretty mad about that, but I know you are just proud of me for trying. Its time for me to go to bed now, I'll write another part of this later. But I love you Nona<3.