brillt27's Quotes

brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:20pm UTC

imagine if simon cowell was your dad and you were singing in the shower and he knocked on the door and said "it's a no from me" omg

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:18pm UTC

do you think the guy who invented the breathalyzer has any friends left

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:16pm UTC

everyone wants the perfect girlfriend.
but i can't be everyone's girlfriend

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:13pm UTC

did you sit in a pile of sugar?
cos you've got a pretty sweet áss;)

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:07pm UTC

what idiot decided it should be "my foots asleep" instead of "coma toes."

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:05pm UTC

if internet explorer can be brave enough to ask you if he can be your default browser then you can sure as f*ck ask a girl out

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:03pm UTC

one day i'm probably going to be too lazy to breathe and just die.

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 1:00pm UTC

obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice, giant snake, birthday cake, large fries HARLEM SHAKE *bass drops*

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 12:58pm UTC

fun fact:
every year, unknowingly, we pass the anniversary of our future death.

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 3, 2013 4:46pm UTC

just saw a guy on a motorcycle with a shirt that said "if you can read this that means my girlfriend fell off"

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 3, 2013 4:30pm UTC

me: how much is this poster of the incredibly sexy woman?
salesman: that's a mirror, miss.

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 2, 2013 1:49pm UTC

dog: Hi, I'd like to make a dee-paws-it
bank teller: Haha that's funny!
dog: My finances are not a fúcking joke, Jessica.

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 2, 2013 1:39pm UTC

whoever told me boys are like boomerangs has obviously never thrown one. they don't fly very well and die when they hit a tree. :(

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 2, 2013 1:19pm UTC

i bought a set of Insanity Workout DVDs but i havent lost a pound which is bullsh1t because i've been sat here for two weeks watching them

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 2, 2013 1:17pm UTC

i may not be that smart or funny or athletic or good looking or talented...
shít i forgot where i was going with this

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 2, 2013 1:14pm UTC

my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out, "do you want to use the sleep?"
and then she just looked really horrified at herself and whispered, "maybe i need to use the sleep"

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 2:12pm UTC

cop: anything you say can and will be held against you
me: TEDDYBEARS
cop: awww.

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 2:09pm UTC

so there's this new documentary about white trash
i only saw the trailer

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 2:07pm UTC

i just want to be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories

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brillt27
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 2:05pm UTC

fun fact:
vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters.
nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, baconless, worthless, meatless years.

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brillt27