You'll probably never get this letter. But here I go. I'm laying here in my bed, my head spinning. It's been such a crazy week. But I just wanted to let you know a few things. The first time I saw you, I should have known. You caught my eye. I still remember. I remember looking at you from across the table and thinking ”He's so cute. But he'll never go for me.” So I gave up right there. I didn't think about you after that.
October, you walked into my work. Everything changed. I believe in love at first sight but I never thought it was possible. I don't know what happened. It's like when I saw you...I reverted back into the girl I was before I hated love. Because for the past two years, I lost all belief in love. I never believed someone could love me. I believed all guys were the same. They were all jerks. I was stubborn, I was cold.
But I saw you, and I fell. Hard. You don't realize how handsome you are. I tried talking to you. I tried walking past you to get your attention. In my mind, I accepted defeat. I never thought you would actually talk to me. So in a last ditch effort, I went over to talk to my friend, but really, I wanted to talk to you. And if I never did that, then I would never have gotten to know you. You asked, ”Excuse me. He has a question to ask you.”
From that moment, you won me over. From that moment, your personality won me over. The fact that I could sit down and have a deep conversation with you without even knowing each other...that's rare. I remember your smile. I remember me blushing because I felt like an idiot. I remember you telling me you didn't pursue anyone because you didn't want to get your heart broken. Just like me.
I remember after all that, you specially came to the back and thanked me. I remember you helped me with the garbage, and told me that girls like me had morals and respect for themselves. I remember you holding open the door for me. I remember falling a little bit every second. I remember I smiled the whole way home because for the first time in a while, I had butterflies because of an amazing boy.
Before you came, I hated coming to work. I mean, I loved it. But after all, it was my job and jobs get tiring after a while. I remember always trying to leave as fast as fast as I could before 6, trying to clean up super fast.
You gave me a reason to stall and do everything really slowly, because it meant that I could talk to you for a few minutes. Your laugh, your smile, the way you stare, the way you say my name and joke around with me...I'm falling so hard for you. You sing, you're smart, you're a gentleman, you're hilarious.
Last night was amazing. And for the record, I wanted more than anything to wear your sweatshirt. And you might not have thought about it twice, but when you said you'd protect me, I fell harder. Because I trust you. And that's what's scaring me. Putting my trust into someone to not hurt me.
Sitting in my car with you, I didn't want anything more than to kiss you. But I knew I couldn't. You looked so cute, sitting with my bag in your lap. I don't know what's going on. I just know that I'm scared, excited, happy, sad, and falling for you all at the same time. I'm scared because no one has ever had this effect on me this genuinely. I'm scared because I don't want to be hurt in the end. I'm scared because what if I'm not good enough? I'm also scared because what if this is all in my head, all just you being a nice person and me taking it wrong? You have a girlfriend, this is all so wrong. And you like her. A lot. And I respect that. And I just want you to be happy. And it's even more complicated because I'm a senior, and you're a sophomore boy and yet I'm so in 'like' with you. But honestly, all that stuff doesn't matter. I don't want to listen to my head because for once I want to take a chance and listen to my heart. All I know is that you are the first guy in a while to make me blush. This is so cheesy, but I hate Fridays because it means I won't see you for three days. On days when I know I'll see you, I wake up excited. You're the first thing I think about in the morning, you're the one obviously keeping me up at night like right now. I don't know what else there is to it, but this much I know: I'm really, really crazy about you.