i just don't get it ..
you've been ignoring me for two weeks, acting like i don't exist. why are you doing this? i'm your girlfriend. in school you started to act like you didn't know me. your friends would quietly laugh at me when they walked by and i got the hint. you were leaving me, but why? you cant just leave someone without informing them .. right? he made me feel like a stalker for weeks. but im your girlfriend .. how could you do this? you left me on our anniversary. i waited by your locker to give you the kiss you've always waited for, but you ran from your locker, you haven't texted me in days. i ask you if you want to leave me, you say "idk what i want" how do you not know? you told me you loved me and you woke up one day and decided you didnt want me to exist?! i havent talked to you in weeks, because you chose to ignore my texts, calls and when i talk to you in class you still ignore me.
i was crying. hurting myself, i couldn't go to school. you know about my suicidal past, you know what i'd do to myself once you left, so why? why would you do this? i wrote you a long note, since you always loved getting love notes from me, i thought id write one last one. after weeks of crying and pain and disgusting heartbreak and advice from over 20 people, i decided you were gone from my life. but i still loved you, i'd always take you back .. you are and will always be my first love. but the first cut is the deepest, right?
i asked you to walk with me to my bus one last time, i wanted to say goodbye, you asked me, "why does this have to be the last time?" im thinking to myself, are you kidding me? you hate me, you dont want me anymore, im useless, you dont need me. i'm giving you your space, i love you but this is over. instead your smile, your bright blue eyes, your face and your lovely voice brought me back, i couldnt say it was over. instead i gave you the note, dropped you off at your bus and i said " baby i love you so much, please dont leave me .. ill see you later" walking away from his bus i started to cry, knowing that we'll be a happy couple for a day, and it will start all over again. this has been happening back and forth for four months, so will the tears, and the marks on my wrist, it will all replay. i know its going to happen but why do i do it?
because i love you and i refuse to let my first love go.
why do i do this to myself?
you're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my whole world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, but im still in love with you, but i don't know why
sorry no one knows about this, so i had to write it down, for myself i guess. im not expecting anyone to read this or comment, i just needed to write this down.
he's ignoring me again, the cycle started earlier than i expected. thanks for letting me down baby, but i still love you.
belluhamelluh
