Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

atxQTxoxo

Status:

Member Since: 13 Sep 2008 04:14pm

Last Seen: 27 Jun 2013 06:19pm

user id: 54770

63 Quotes
1,231 Favorites
11 Following
29 Followers
Comment Points
Comments
Comments on Quotes
Comments by User
Quote Comments by User
Flair beta

follow block report

       

       

 


  
  1. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    February 7, 2009 10:19pm EST
    What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)
    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover
    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
    1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
    4. Listens more than talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes
    6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
    9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
    10. Seeks romance at least once a week
    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
    1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
    4. Nods head when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
    6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
    7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
    8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
    9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
    10. Shaves most weekends
    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
    1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
    2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
    3. Doesn't borrow money too often
    4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
    5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
    6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
    7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
    8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
    9. Remembers your name on occasion
    10. Shaves some weekends
    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
    1. Doesn't scare small children
    2. Remembers where bathroom is
    3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
    4. Only snores lightly when asleep
    5. Remembers why he's laughing
    6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
    7. Usually wears some clothes
    8. Likes soft foods
    9. Remembers where he left his teeth
    10. Remembers that it's the weekend
    What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
    1. Breathing
    2. Doesn't miss the toilet

  2. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2009 11:35pm EST
    click to see this quote

  3. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2009 11:31pm EST
    There is proof that God exists...
    who pops up the next Kleenex?

  4. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 24, 2008 5:02pm EST
    maybe [im over you]
    maybe [i stuck it out & moved on]
    maybe [i now like someone else]
    maybe [[im a really good liar]]

  5. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 21, 2008 10:59pm EST
    Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
    Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course?
    Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
    Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
    Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
    It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
    If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
    You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
    The clock is running!! Make the most of today.
    To realise the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
    To realise the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
    To realise the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
    To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
    To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train.
    To realise the value of ONE SECOND, ask someone who just avoided an accident.
    To realise the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal at the Olympics.
    Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present.

  6. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 21, 2008 10:22pm EST
    Actual Answering Machine Messages.
    *My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
    *This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name and your number and your reason for calling...and I'll think about returning your call.
    *Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is john's refrigerator. Speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
    *Hi. Now YOU say something.
    *Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message, and if I don't call back, its you.
    *Hello!If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner.
    boredomm, sorry if it doesnt turn out well =(

  7. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 17, 2008 7:38pm EST
    Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
    The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
    First floor
    The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
    Second floor
    The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
    Third floor
    This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
    "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
    Fourth floor
    This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
    "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
    Fifth floor
    The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f-cking impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
    Be happy for what you have =)
    *not mine*

  8. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 17, 2008 7:25pm EST
    But enough about me, let's talk about you...
    What do you think of me?
    - Johnny Bravo
    who remembers that show? =)

  9. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 17, 2008 7:06pm EST
    F0otprints
    One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene,he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.
    When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of foot - prints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
    This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
    The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that [I carried you."]
    sum1 told me this story =)

  10. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2008 11:36pm EST
    On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
    So God agreed.
    On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
    And God agreed.
    On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
    And God agreed again.
    On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
    Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
    Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
    So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
    Life has now been explained to you.

  11. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2008 11:23pm EST
    click to see this quote

  12. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2008 9:11pm EST
    [Heaven]
    won't take me and
    [Hell's]
    afraid I'll take over
    Muhaha..=D

  13. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 16, 2008 12:06am EST
    Derick:
    I guess we are the left-overs in this world.
    Lily:
    I think so...all of my friends have boyfriends, and we are the only the 2 people left in this world without any special person in our lives.
    Derick:
    Yup, I don't know what to do.
    Lily:
    I know! We'll play a game.
    Derick:
    What game?
    Lily:
    I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days
    and you will be my boyfriend.
    Derick:
    That's a great plan, in fact, I don't have anything to do
    much for the following few weeks.
    DAY 1:
    They watch their first movie
    and they both are touched by the romantic film.
    DAY 4:
    They went go to the beach and have a picnic. Derick and Lily have their quality time together.
    DAY 12:
    Derick invited Lily to a circus and they ride through a Horror House.
    Lily was scared and she thought she touched Derick's hand but she actually touched someone else's hand they both laughed.
    DAY 15:
    They saw a fortune teller down the road, and they asked for their future advice.
    The fortune teller said:
    "My darlings, please don't waste the time of your life, spend the rest of your time together, happily." Then tears flowed out from the teller's eyes.
    DAY 20:
    Lily invited Derick to go to the hill
    and they saw a meteor; Lily mumbled something.
    DAY 28:
    They sat on the bus, and because of a bumpy road Lily gave her first kiss to Derick by accident.
    DAY 29:
    11:37 pm:
    Lily and Derick sat in the park where they first decided to play this game.
    Derick:
    I'm tired Lily...Do you want anything to drink? I'll buy you one...I'll just go down the road.
    Lily:
    An Apple Juice, that's all. Thank you.
    Derick:
    Wait for me.
    20 minutes later
    A stranger approached Lily
    Stranger:
    Are you a friend of Derick?
    Lily:
    Yes, why? What happened?
    Stranger:
    A reckless drunk driver ran over Derick, and he is in critical condition in the hospital.
    11:57 pm:
    The doctor walked out of the emergency room; he handed Lily an apple juice and a letter.
    Doctor:
    We found this in Derick's pocket.
    Lily reads the letter and it says:
    Lily, These past few weeks, I realized you are a really cute girl, and I am really falling for you-your cherished smile, your everything when we played this game. Before this game ends, I would like you to be my girlfriend for the rest of my life.
    I love you, Lily.
    Lily crumpled up the paper and shouted:
    "Derick! I don't want you to die-
    I love you; remember that night when we saw a meteor and I mumbled something. I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and that we would never have to end this game. Please don't leave me Derick .. I love you! You can't do this to me!"
    Then the clock strikes 12...
    Derick's heart stopped pumping...
    It was the 30th day.
    =(

  14. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 15, 2008 11:57pm EST
    You asked me whose life was more important- yours or mine and I answered "mine" ; you walked away angry not knowing that you are
    [[my life]]
    didnt turn out pretty, &+ i think this quote is aleady on witty's credit goes to who ever thought of it first =]

  15. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 14, 2008 4:37am EST
    long, but u wont regret =)
    A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups, and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.
    As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt tug on his overalls.
    He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
    "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
    "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat of the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
    The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket,
    he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've
    got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
    "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here Dolly!" he called.
    Out from the doghouse and down ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
    The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
    As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed
    something else stirring inside the doghouse.
    Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller.
    Down the ramp it slid. Then in a awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
    "I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
    The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
    With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
    Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
    With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
    "How much?" asked the little boy.
    "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

  16. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 14, 2008 4:09am EST
    I am [Thankful]
    FOR THE WIFE
    WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
    BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
    AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
    FOR THE HUSBAND
    WHO IS ON THE SOFA
    BEING A COUCH POTATO,
    BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
    AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
    FOR THE TEENAGER
    WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
    BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
    NOT ON THE STREETS.
    FOR THE TAXES I PAY
    BECAUSE IT MEANS
    I AM EMPLOYED.
    FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
    BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
    BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
    FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
    BECAUSE IT MEANS
    I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
    FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
    BECAUSE IT MEANS
    I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
    FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
    WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
    AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
    BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
    FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
    I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
    BECAUSE IT MEANS
    WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
    FOR THE PARKING SPOT
    I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
    BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
    AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
    FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
    BECAUSE IT MEANS
    I AM WARM.
    FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
    WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
    I CAN HEAR.
    FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
    BECAUSE IT MEANS
    I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
    FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
    AT THE END OF THE DAY
    BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
    CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
    FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
    IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
    BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM
    [[ ALIVE]]

  17. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 14, 2008 3:59am EST
    DiDY00hKn0W?
    The only time success comes before work is in the
    [[dictionary]]

  18. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 8, 2008 10:20pm EST
    [[ If a kid asks where rain comes from, ]]
    I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

  19. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 8, 2008 12:38am EST
    Ask no questions and hear no lies.
    kinna random
    love it or hate it, but dont forget to rate it =)

  20. atxQTxoxo atxQTxoxo
    posted a quote
    December 5, 2008 5:32pm EST
    andYESbabe
    you l l did l l break l l my l l heart

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2019 Witty Profiles