So it's been more than a year for those of you who've listened and I'm not sure entirely what to say. I earned a lot of money and spent a lot of money. I became closer to a lot of friends and drifted apart from a few. I had plenty of fun but was also plenty sad. I thought this post would be full of all the answers everyone ever needed to figure themselves out and though I learned quite a bit, I didn't learn enough to have all the answers, but I have a lifetime. So sorry if this gets mushy for a bit, for those of you who don't like that stuff, but you might want to indulge yourself for this one quote. I use to think that if you could make yourself feel numb that you were a success and that the next step would be growing up. but it's not, not to me at least. What I believe makes you get to that next step where you get to grow up is learning how to balance everything and to never be completely free because that means having no connection to poeple or whatever your poison is which means no connection to emotion and as far as I can tell that's the only reason I ever had fun. Some of you may want a life by yourself but happiness insn't achieved completely by yourself I don't believe, if you make a connection with animals, nature, or a higher being then you've made a connection and are therefore not alone. So to those of you looking for the answers, you're not going to find them right away but if you numb yourself and thicken your skin you'll never find them. The fun is in finding the answers and being old and grumpy and wise is for basking in the journey you took to find those answers and to pass on hints to make the road to your place easier for those who don't know what's ahead of them yet, I'm not editing this too much so that I leave the rawness in and since people are my poison and from what I can tell only raw people have real emotion then it seems fitting. I don't know when I'll be back but this isn't for you, this is for me, but if I can help my poison then I will. - Cayla-Marie
There was this post on an app that just kids from my school use and one was this word search that said "the first 3 words you see are how your 2015 will be" and mine were money, fun, friends. I haven't had actual fun in a few years and don't believe in that fate and dream stuff anymore.....maybe this year will get me thinking that way again.....I'll let whoever listens know in a year i guess.....
For a while I didn't care to learn what Prozac or Whitesnake was in the song 1985 by Bowling for Soup but I realized I listen to a bunch of music by Whitesnake I just didn't know who it was by and so I'm kinda happy right now
Everyone always says that they love to cry when it's raining because no one can tell but every time I'm just sad enough to begin to cry my cheeks get all red and my eyes get all bloodshot and I look like I've been bawling for hours even if a tear hasn't left my eyes
So usually my summers are very busy and this was the summer I was supposed to get an A in chemistry summer school (I'm absolutely terrible at science) and get a tone of my sh/t organized and have a sh/t load of fun and just be ready to go for the first day of school for once and instead I got a D- in summer school and am even more unorganized than ever and my dad told me he thinks I should be having more fun than I am