acc_1029's Favorites

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 3, 2013 2:19pm UTC

Sometimes I have to restrain myself from making inappropriate jokes
in a new friendship because I don't know if they'll laugh or start running away.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 185 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 3, 2013 4:12pm UTC

Pollen: *accidentally enters my body*
Immune System: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Hey, sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl--
Immune System: We're under attack!
Pollen: What?! No! We just got lo--
Immune System: Open the floodgates!
Pollen: The what?
Mucas Membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune System: All of them.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't...oh sh--
*dramatic music*
Me: *sneezes*

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
April 17, 2013 8:39pm UTC

Nicknames are always ten times funnier
when people don't know they have them.

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Cammie
posted a quote
April 14, 2013 3:16pm UTC

*Pushes door to walk out but it doesn't open*
Stranger: You gotta pull.
Me: Oh thanks. My next option was to lift from the bottom.

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
April 16, 2013 6:22pm UTC

People from California: I'm so bored.
Other people: BUT YOU'RE IN CALFORNIA. GO MEET A MOVIE STAR.
Other people: SPEND THE DAY AT DISNEY LAND.
Other people: GO BE IN A MOVIE.
People from California: ....
People from New York: I'm so bored.
Other people: BUT YOU'RE IN NEW YORK. GO TO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.
Other people: SEE THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.
Other people: GO TO TIMES SQUARE.
People from New York: ....
People from Europe: I'm so bored.
Other people: BUT YOU'RE IN EUROPE. GO TO THE EIFFEL TOWER.
Other people: HAVE SOME TEA WITH THE QUEEN.
Other people: GO TO OKTOBERFEST.
People from Europe: ....
People from Australia: I'm so bored.
Other people: BUT YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIA. GO CUDDLE WITH A KOALA.
Other people: SPEND THE DAY SURFING.
Other people: GO WRESTLE SOME CROCODILES.
People from Australia: ....

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
April 19, 2013 8:00pm UTC

People out of the United States: Wow, I would hate to live in a country with the highest obesity rate in the world.
People in the United States: Wow, I would hate to have smaller portion sizes.

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Ash_leigh*
posted a quote
April 7, 2013 1:36pm UTC

Doctor: The more colorful your diet is, the healthier you will be.
Me: *eats bag of jellybeans*
Me: Nailed it

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MXer_4life_219
posted a quote
April 7, 2013 10:56pm UTC

I have been on witty for 3 years now
and i still don't have any witty friends

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
March 30, 2013 7:59pm UTC

Family: *Leaves house*
Me: *Puts up music really loud*
Me: *Sing on top of my lungs*
Me: *Realizes family never actually left*

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capsized*
posted a quote
March 30, 2013 11:27pm UTC

Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says
To the Earth
"You owe me."
Look
What happens
With a love like that.
It lights the
Whole
Sky.

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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Jersey_Girl
posted a quote
March 23, 2013 12:40pm UTC

AT&T Guy: So what's better fast or slow?
6 Year olds: FAAAAAAAAST!!
AT&T Guy: Really, why?
Little girl: Cause if you aren't fast you can't run fast
Little girl: and then you'll get bitten by a werewolf
Little girl: and then you have to stay inside
Little girl: and then you have to shave when it gets hot
Little girl: and then you're like
Little girl: ruh ruhh ruh ruuhh ruh ruhh ruhhh
Little girl: which means
Little girl: I WISH I WAS BACK TO A HUMANNN :(
AT&T Guy: What

👍 this is good · read the comments · 120 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 23, 2013 12:22am UTC

the amazing moments in life
1. coming home late and going straight to bed.
2. buying amazing clothes you found on sale.
3. holding hands.
4. unexpected moments that become your favorite memories.
5. talking on the phone until five in the morning.
6. taking long showers to wash away your worries
7. resting on someone's chest.
8. feeling as though you finally belong somewhere.
9. deciding what you want to do with your life.
10. feeling satisfied after a delicious meal.
11. falling asleep instantly when you're upset.
12. meeting people that happen to change your life.
13. when you have a great night of sleep.
14. drinking a cup of tea.
15. realizing everything is going to be okay.

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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Wisconsin
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 11:10pm UTC

This is my cry for help.

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 5:24pm UTC

someone called me fat today at school because
i was eating chips in math class so i looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag inside my mouth and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backback and kept eating.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1021 points

Cammie
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 2:03pm UTC

5 days of school, 2 days of weekend, 10 months for school, 2 months for summer.....
Who the hell divided this shít?

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sarahmarlowXxx
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 10:36am UTC

boys like it when you're playfully
mean to them
call them names
punch them on the shoulder
murder their families
format jimmy365

👍 this is good · read the comments · 386 points

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