it's those things you didnt think could ever happen to you,
that kill you the most.
it's those things, that break you.
that make you feel so empty inside,
you don't know how you could ever be yourself again.
that make you look at yourself in the mirror,
and be so disgusted with what you see,
so disgusted that you can't even look in the mirror at all.
you blame yourself, because who else is there to blame?
and you're so scared that it'll always be this way.
you'll always hurt.
you'll always be stuck in the constant state,
where you don't really know if you're living,
you just know you're alive.
and you don't know what to do,
because if you move on, then you have to forget,
you have to make yourself believe it never happened.
but it did happen, and you can't just forget.
you can't forget about what you felt, and what you said.
you can't just move on, because then it's over.
and i don't want to admit that it's over.
i don't want it to be over.
i don't want to forget you.
because you were a part of me,
and i loved you so much.
and i only knew you for such a short amount of time,
and then you were gone,
before i even got the chance to show people how much i loved you.
before i even got the chance to feel you move.
before i even got the chance to give you a name.
but you were my baby.
you were mine.
and i already gave you my heart,
and you took it with you when you died,
and now i'm stuck being the only one who remembers you.
the only one who loved you.
the only one who misses you.
and sometimes, at night, i still wake up and rub my belly,
and then i remember that you're not there anymore.
i have to hold onto everything that made you real,
because you were real to me.
people ask me how i could be so upset,
"it was only four weeks." but when i thought about you,
when i looked at my belly,
i had hope.
i had hope that maybe this was life granting me something beautiful.
this was life giving me something to live for.
and now i'm left with nothing.
YupItsHannnah