~I'm existant in this life, but am i living it? ~Been heartbroken before by relationships, family, friends, and myself. ~I am my own enemy. (December 7, 2017) ~Everything on my page is original unless said otherwise 💕 ~~This page is starting to become a diary...
~~This page has slowly started becoming a "safe-keeping" page for me as the things i post delete where they originally came from.
Hey, this is just a bit about me:
1. Gender: Female.
2. Age: 17
3. Fave Color: Green, any light shade or a neon.
4. First impressions don't really matter to me, but Second impressions do, the most. 5. My trust issues are somewhat through the roof, If we're being honest here.
Out with the old, In with the new
Pfp not mine
I've had an account before this one..back in 2012 (December 21, 2012) and the whole reason i posted was so i could edit my stardoll presentation 😂 but ya know, check who I am following to see my old account.. LuffinAnimeslikechuluffme CRINGE WARNING it's soooo bad eeeeek
~its been quite a while since i've posted here. I feel ashamed to say i've been recently falling back in my old tracks and self. I've been a year and...7 months clean..I'm proud..and my confidence is much well now. I know my worth, finally. However...I have no control anymore.~
TBN 12/10/18 sneak peak/rough draft Sometimes it feels like you can read my mind. I wanted to be with you, and just kiss you, and you said “be mine right now”. Sometimes it feels like you can read my mind. I wasn’t feeling to great, but I had this behavior for you to not know, but I still wanted to tell you, and you reassured me and told me we can talk, if needed. Sometimes it feels like you can read my mind. Sometimes if feels like you can read me. You knew everything before I could even think it. -WIGBM
One&Only❤️🏒 2:09 AM 11/12/18 okay where do i start... uhh i love you so much (my full name) you are my everything my whole world. I know we've had our ups and downs kinda like were on a roller coaster but im so set to keep riding it with you because i want u to be in my future and yea ik you probably reading that is scaring you and trust me it scares me too because the thought of ever losing you would mean im losing my everything. Yea this is cheesy as hell but im a pretty cheesy guy🧀 I almost lost you once and that was probably the worst decision in my entire life because i actually thought i lost you forever and that you would never give me a second chance. I know i've made you feel horrible and feel like your not worth anything and it kills me every time i think about it because hurting you or making you feel horrible about yourself is the last thing i would ever wanna do. You make my heart skip a beat whenever im talking to you even if im mad i cant stay mad at you forever. Reading the stuff you write makes me realize how much I've put you through for example your poem i felt the pain and the way you felt in that moment and i probably didn't even realize it at the time in August but i realize it now. I should of stopped making you feel those ways a long time ago but yknow i am a horrible boyfriend so i guess thats where that comes into play. Anyways enough sad and dark side of me. I do not know how many times I have to tell you I love you for you to remember that im actually your boyfriend or to think I actually do love you. Because I DO LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TO MARS AND BACK hehe wow im good. Anyways this whole paragraph is probably unnecessary but i had to distract myself and uhh and idk if ive sent you this poem but here it goes.... Tu sais que tu es amoureux Quand tu ne peux pas t'endormir Parce que la réalité est enfin meilleure Que vos rêves Pour nous deux La maison n'est pas un lieu Mais une personne Et nous sommes enfin à la maison La distance n'est qu'un test Pour voir jusqu'où l'amour peut voyager Distance signifie si peu Quand quelqu'un a tant à dire Je t'aimerai plus que moi Et plus qu'hier Je voudrais pouvoir passer toute ma vie Vous dire combien je vous aime Its french but im sure u can figure it out through google translate. Also ig this is my creative side🤷🏻♂️ I love you and our future fam jam👩🏻🧔🏻🧑🏻👧🏻👧🏻🤪💚💚💚❤️ Me 6:14 AM 11/12/18 1. I didn't wake up last night 2. you're better now, yeah?...3. i said i'd be back, didn't i? 4. Don't pay any mind to the worthless thing or me feeling horrible about myself, its either insecurities, negative thoughts, or whatever else but your fault. 5. I'm still with you, aren't i? I kind of know when's a good time to leave even though it may hurt the other, but there's no time with you. I don't need that time. I know it'll get better at some point, i just gotta wait it out. 6. YOURE NOT A HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND. I just let my thoughts get the best of me. 7. I don't mean to..sometimes forget that you're just another person i'm talking to. If i'm being honest, i sometimes surprise myself when i'm talking to you or thinking about you and think to myself "I wish he'd ask me out already" THATS WHEN I REMEMBER and feel stupid. I still think that there could be someone else and you didn't ask me for that reason. You tell me someone likes you, and i'm gonna jump and say go for her if you like her back. if you don't, see where things go. I'll only do that because i've done so many times for 2 years for someone else. I'd even ask him "what do you think of (blank)?" and he'll get annoyed because even though i mentally knew, it seemed like i was trying to get rid of him, but i wasn't. It wasn't even a test. I couldn't believe he was with me...but we broke up a lot during those 2 years. I was still his friend, and he was my best friend. When we were friends, he'd tell me he likes someone or someone likes him, and i'd try to help him with the girl. Bad habits stayed with me i guess...i'm sorry. 8. Honestly, i don't know how many times either because ^^ 9. i love you too. I can't say to Mars because if we think of the convo again, i seem to really want to stay on earth, but i'll go anywhere you want me to go, whether it's with you or away..10. It seemed familiar, but i love you so freaking much...i'm home? 11. ITS SO ADORABLE, I LOVE ITT💚❤❤💚💚❤ 😭 i want things to go our way so bad for our future to happen
11/9/18 // 11/11/18 12:21am I hope to God youre okay. Im sorry I couldnt talk to you more than i wish I did. I love you so much and I wish only the best. You dont deserve to go through this. None of this. No one deserves to, but you the most to me. I love you so much, stay strong..Please. 💟 We spoke about this one specific heart and it’s meaning. My love for you will always be cloaked from others. No one can touch it, but I. Stay Strong Jay 💟❣️
Me 7:41 AM Good Morning, I love you so so much, you are one of the sweetest people I know yet❤️ The past 6 months have been...eventful. I usually mess these kind of things up, so I dont want to say the wrong thing or be lame, which may happen..or...yeah. You mean a lot to me and I sometimes feel like we’re speaking for the first (really second I guess) time again and thats good because I really loved those days ngl. Youre a great boyfriend and I still feel happy or even lucky to be your girlfriend that may not exist to others..but at least to you 😬 Youre amazing, sweet, (if im being honest) funny, def attractive, etc. I love talking to you, the awkwardness...we can maybe fix that, aaauuuhhhh imma shush for now because I cant find the actual words I want to say so..HAPPY 6 MONTHS :)) BdayBoy❤️🏒 10:29 AM good morning, first off just wanna say sorry for the way i've been lately because you do not deserve any of it. You are the most amazing girl in the world and you deserve everything good in the world. You always know how to make me smile or laugh when im down and i appreciate that so much. You make everything way better than it was before because you are amazing, funny, caring, beautiful, smart and the sweetest girl ever. Being able to call you mine just makes me so happy because im so lucky to be with an amazing girl like you. I love you so much and i hope all of this made sense cuz im half asleep rn cuz i just woke up. Just saying we are half way through a year of been with each other and im just counting down the months. I love you so much and Happy 6 Months❤️
"Puddles and Ponds" 8/17/18 10:45pm Salty water has never fallen so fast, creating puddles into ponds. Her smile breaks to a frown, she wonders, "Where'd it go wrong?" He spoke the words she didn't think he'd speak so soon. Time stops, her breath drops, her heart flatlines. Those glorious ponds turn into an ocean. No more land to walk on, only to swim in. How salty this water is, is shriveling her inside and out. Oh, how much she can't wait to bring that lovely smile she once had, the one she didn't need to show in a while. She dives in head first, hits a rock and knocks out unconscious. Regains, remembers...restarts T'was that special thing we have nowadays. Something people nowadays "can't live without". No, not a beating heart, No, not a living person, But a charged cellphone. It makes sense, y'know? Cuz of the distance? And then my situation? It makes sense. I'd understand...Kind of. The clouds move carelessly, letting the Sun breathe upon us once again. The ocean is evaporating immensely, ponds are decreasing, puddles are becoming wetless. But the weather's forecast said, "We'll be back later tonight To keep you updated over the weather that'll be back as well" ~WIGBM
Canadian Babe❤ 3:52 PM (Name) i love you and i think about you every second of the day waiting for the moments i get to talk to you i get anxious for the time i know you'll be back or when you'll be able to talk. I can't fill a void in my heart especially if its you thats in my heart. Those 5 days were rough and hard to deal with because i didnt know what i did wrong and i just wanted closure that i never got so i got mad and annoyed which led me to saying "im used to it" which i wasnt. These 5 days i wanted to tell you everything and was waiting for the times i was able to talk to you and unfortunately that was 15min before i had to give my phone in which sucked even more because all i wanted to do was talk to my girlfriend and tell her how everything is going even tho she doesn't understand anything i say when it's about hockey
Canadian Babe❤ 7:49 PM idk if ur busy rn or with ur fam but i love you so much and i will always stay yours because i will love you always no matter what happens between us. Im always sad when ur not able to talk or when u just randomly leave without telling me but i always know ur gonna come back which is why im always happy that you do. Whenever talking to you i cant help but smile because u make me the happiest guy on earth. I care so much about you almost more than hockey which is like very hard to beat💕 I know i make you feel a lot of different ways. Heck i made u not talk to me for a week which was hell for me. Anyways words cant explain how much i love you because you are just so amazing and perfect i think about you every second of the day. Everything is nothing without you❤️❤️ You mean the world to me (Said my full complete name)❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️hehe ur gonna hate me for that
Me 12:09 AM but i feel myself falling for him more and more every text i get, besides the ones that p*ss me off Fluffy marshmallow 12:09 AM Ummm ok I can't relate Me 12:10 AM oof Fluffy marshmallow 12:12 AM But like how can u fall for him more tho Me 12:13 AM oh its very possible Me 12:14 AM you learn more things and youre just like "i f*cking love you what the f*ck" its hard to explain...i cant really express how i feel for him in words Fluffy marshmallow 12:14 AM How tho Me 12:17 AM like i said, i cant describe it lmao 6/12/18
Me 3:35 AM do you ever think why your heart hasnt given up on you yet? Me 3:36 AM it's not to torture you Me 3:36 AM its saying its not too late Fluffy marshmallow 3:37 AM Damn (my name) where this come from Me 3:37 AM cuz no one really wants to die, they just want the suffering to end. If you're not dead now, there's a reason why you're alive. Fluffy marshmallow 3:39 AM I'm not afraid of death lol and same goes for u no death I could give u list of reasons taller than the Empire State building why you're alive Me 3:39 AM oh my Fluffy marshmallow 3:39 AM Is there an issue
6.10.18 Me 12:23 AM its just hard to believe it's only been a flippin month Canadian Babe❤ 12:24 AM how long does it feel like Me 12:25 AM more than 1 month..maybe just a few more? Me 12:25 AM but i know we only started talking again back in april so Canadian Babe❤ 12:25 AM yea Me 12:26 AM ah thats so weird Canadian Babe❤ 12:26 AM how Me 12:33 AM i had a crush on you a year ago. We barely talked, but i still knew i liked you. One sudden day, we're both on and talking again and you tell me you like me, i couldn't believe it. I take it as a joke, so i wont get hurt. You weren't kdding and i felt bad..i was scared too..i tell gayatri everything from the year before and to now, because i didnt know who else to tell.. My virtual childhood crush is my real life boyfriend today. Still never met him irl, but its pretty weird and amazing at the same time Canadian Babe❤ 12:34 AM u know if u woulda told me a year ago couldve been sooner Me 12:37 AM yeahhhhhhhh but yknow telling you i liked you online, was like the same thing as me telling someone i liked them in person. i was scared