yourcool posted a quote
January 17, 2014 7:09am EST
the head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten. another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts. one woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time. one was late because of being stuck in the NJ turnpike because of an auto accident. one of them missed his bus. one spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change. one's car wouldn't start. one couldn't get a taxi. the one that stuck me the most was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning. took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. he stopped at a drugstore to buy a band-aid. that is what he is alive today... now when i am stuck in traffic miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone... all the little things that annoy me, i think to myself, this is exaclty where i'm meant to be at the very moment.
you don't get it. i'm not sad and miserable all the time. i have this deep feeling inside me that takes all of these emotions at once and mushes them all together to create something i can't exactly describe. i'm suffocating in my own body. i can actually feel myself slipping away. i can be surrounded by so many wonderful people and have this feeling that no one even wants me there and that i'm a burden. so i isolate myself from everyone and keep them all at a certain distance so i don't end up getting hurt. but that doesn't work. i hurt anyway. i hurt all the time and i don't know why. i'm forced into this skin that isn't mine. i've tried cutting my way out releasing whatever there is inside but it always comes back and i don't understand. i just know i'm not 'sad and miserable.'
"but rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. it seems like everyone is just living life better than you are."
I just miss you so much right now. My stomach has been twisted into a knot that I don't think I can unravel by myself. But, no matter that, I am better off curled up in the fetal position on my still-made bed alone than I am with your oscillating friendship. The highs may have been wonderful, but it was a see-saw; my whole body felt the jolt as I hit the ground, every time.
“Get excited about the little things. About wearing a new outfit for the first time. About Sunday brunches with your best friends. About the new cute guy in your class. About finding an extra dollar in your pocket. About anything that even remotely makes you happy because as you grow up, passions fade and enthusiasm gets mistaken for foolishness. So don’t let the grey world stop you from shining.”
I'm taking a nap (For the rest of my life) Don't bother me (You might see my knife) I'm always cold (I'm hiding the scars) I'm not hungry right now (I'm counting my carbs) I don't like people (They bring so much pain) I hate relationships (They think it's a game) Please don't leave me (I need you here) I'm always more truthful When my monster is near