The first thing I saw when I hopped out of my car was my neighbours high, poor fence, which was nailed in every way possible. Through a little opening, I saw eyes.
Sad, smart, brown eyes.
It was a dog, his wet nose pressed against the fence.
I saw, how thin and shabby he was.
I showed the dog to my mom, but she was busy with moving stuff into the house, so all she said was not to touch that ''garbage''
Being little, I walked as close to the fence as I could and streched out my fingers. I could nearly touch his pretty cute face.
He was looking at me with sad eyes, that were nearly saying ''Please, pet me''
He wagged his tail, and suddenly whined.
I saw how the neighbours house doors got kicked open, a drunk man walked out in the garden with an alchohol bottle in his hands. He barely holded on his legs.
Back then, my mom told me he was ''sick'', but now I know she was wrong.
He yelled at the puppy.
And then, I saw a view I could never forget, and I never will.
The man slipped and fell down, the puppy crawled to him and licked his face, then suddenly a bottle hit the poor puppy's head.
I hid my face in my hands, I couldn't look.
At nights I couldn't sleep.
I hated the dark and shadows, that slowly slided across my room.
I hated my mom's goodnight kiss.
I hated to go to bed knowing that I'm gonna have to wake up tommorow.
But most of it all, I hated his whines.
Each day he howled, whined.
I closed my windows and prayed, please god, let him survive this night.
I turned on music, hoping I won't hear anything.
I tried to forget, but everytime in my head I saw his eyes.
In the start, in evenings, I just cried and asked my parents, for them to do something, but they always said ; ''It's not our problem''
Sometimes it felt like they don't see and don't hear, that they don't care.
At mornings i woke up tired.
I always ran to the window, to make sure he's still there.
Sometimes I saw how the drunk man walked out of the house and hit the dog with a bone.
Back then I didn't know there are Animal Patrols.
Now at nights I used to run out in my pajama, to beg the neighbour, for him not to do so, but each time, my father cought me.
Later on, he placed a lock on the door I wasn't able to open.
Each day, the dog layed in the sun, pressed against the fence, looking at me with sad eyes.
The man wasn't home.
At evenings, he licked his scars from his masters daily visit.
I used to silently sneak outside, to bring him potatoes with souce, rice, meat, which my mom had made for lunch.
The dog ate everything, asking for more.
I petted his wet nose and cried.
His back was full with scars and blood clots.
I silently whispered, that everything is gonna be okay, but it never was okay.
His ribs - to see them, you didn't even have to try or touch the place.
My dad didn't understand me and brought me to a lady, with big glasses.
I didn't understand what did they want from me.
She asked me stupid questions, like, if I think my parents love me.
Later after she made me draw something about my parents, but I drew the puppy.
She said to my parents that I feel hurt like a puppy and I want more love.
She said, that my paents work too much.
Maybe I did like to play with lego, but I wasn't deaf.
I heard it all.
In the next days my parents took me along everywhere.
They always wanted to talk to me, and they promised we would go to Russia, to Moscow in holidays, which didn't happen.
I wasn't even playing with dolls anymore, I didn't even ride a bike.
When my parents said, that I had to go take a walk, my thoughts just were full with that poor puppy.
But, in this night, it was all silent..
He wasn't whining.
He wasn't howling.
I laid in my bed, looking at the ceiling, and hoped that the neighbour would never be born.
It was all silent..
My mother came into my room as usual, and gave me the daily night kiss, which I refused each night already.
Everyone was already used to me being silent and sad each day.
I couldn't do it no longer, I felt like something isn't alright.
I waited till it was all silent, then I sneaked out, outside by the window.
I was freezing, but I didn't care.
i ran to the fence, but I didn't hear the usual walking or whining.
I ran near the fence and whispered his name.
He didn't answer.
I jumped and looked everywhere, through every opening.
So many tears were falling down from my face.
And then, I saw him.
He was there, he slowly opened his eyes, but he didn't even whine.
I slowly petted his head, and wanted to scratch his neck, but then I felt something.. sticky..
He just laid there, and looked at me.
He couldn't even wag his tail, even though he tried his best.
I cried, my tears were falling on his fur.
I whispered, begging him not to leave. That I love him.. I put my head next to his and kept on petting him.
I could hear his heartbeat.
I was freezing, so much.
And then, I fell asleep.
At morning, I woke up.
I woke up, he didn't wake up, ever.
I tried to wake him up, i talked to him, shook him.
Everything was useless.
Back then, I was mad at myself.
I thought I wasn't trying hard enough to wake him up.
My parents found me ours later.
They tried to make me forgive them, that they didn't listen to me, but now it was already too late.
I never forgave them.
They tried to suck up, they bought me a new dog, as an apology.
10 months later, my sister was born.
I looked at her.
I was sad for her.
Now, my parents tried to give her everything she wanted, that i never could have.
She grew up as a princess, beautiful.
I sat on the neighbours fence, which was now restored.
The neighbours now had changed, now there were living a couple with a cat.
I sat on that fence, In my memory i saw that opening, and I thought.
Thought why did that puppy never leave his home...