How can I be both the singer and the angel in the song fallen angel by three days grace? Some times I am the singer who is there and trying to save the angel and help them up again, but then at night when the wall that keeps all my emotions locked up crumbles, thats when I become the fallen angel. I have no idea how to handel this, how I can be both people.
I want to be loved. I want people to want me around but not just for the things I can do for them or the things I say to make them feel better, but someone to talk to me just because they want to see how I'm doing or see how my day went, not just so they can always talk about themselves. (Don't get me wrong I have always been a listener more than a talker, and I want to know about how your feeling bad and what's going on, to see if I can help in someway, but when they only talk about that for days and days on end and there just wining about it everyday, all day long that's when I get annoyed.) I want to have deep meaningful conversations and have some time alone with my friends, and not this endless, mindless, meaningless conversations at work or at home. I could go on and on about this but then that would just be ranting and that's not want I want to do here, even if this whole things is a bit of a rant, each, I guess I will quit while I'm not to far gone
There are alot of things I miss about being a kid, but one of the things I miss most is being held. The amazing feeling of aomone holding you in their arms and the feeling that everything that worries you just fading away, but I am not a kid any more, but alot of the times I wish I was, cause I have too many worries that I wish would disappear, but that is what it means to be an adult, it means that you are alone, always alone.
Its been two years now, and it stills hearts as much as it did back then, but part of me is asking, why do ypu greave so much for a person you barely new? Then my mind says, but he was your grandfather why wouldn't you greave about his death? And while trying to figure all this and more out it just keeps on hurting, and whenever I'm able to get my mind off of that t goes to thinking about Her and the aching just starts all over again, when will this ever stop?
When you look into their eyes, and have to plaster a smile on your face, so that they won't know what they do to you when they smile. So that they won't know that everytime they smile or laugh another bit of you cracks inside, for you know that they will never look at you like that.
When you look up, and see the places you've wondered, and feel the shame you can't hide. When you look around and see that there is no one beside you, that is where you stop and sit down, for there is no purpose of continuing on if there is no one to walk beside you.
Why did you leave me, why did you let me roam so far away? Why didn't you pull me out of the darkness, when I had fallen so far? Why did you leave me to be consumed by the one who hates all things? Why did you let the darkness gnaw on me from the inside, having to deal with all things I have done? Why do I continue to fall, when I thought I had already hit the bottom? How did it come to this?
I'm a idiot. Thinking that YOU could love ME? Thinking that anyone can love me. I should know better by now, it has happened to many times in the past for me not to know, that someone could actually love me.