"You're gonna feel my pain, someday; when you're sitting in your god forsaken room,
still trying to ignore me, it'll finally hit you. And, my god, when it does, I'll never feel
more f v c k i n g satisfied." I read the crumpled paper 3 times through with shaking
hands. I swear I could feel his hot breath- hear the piercing words- right beside me.
And I remember seeing his absolutely crushed face when I ended the best two years
of my life. The note said it all: the face of an angel falling played behind my eyelids
as Fall Out Boy said to me, "My heart is on my sleeve-- wear it like a bruise or black
eye." A lump formed in my throat as tears like lava lined eyes replaying regrets.
I blamed him, too. Saying, "You hold me down." Saying, "Maybe you should've
changed." Saying, "You made me stop loving you. I couldn't help it." Who was I?
"I'm so ready to see you fall. Because at one point, I begged to be your everything.
Like the waves crash into the shore, like magnets come together, like gravity pulls
us to the Earth, I wanted you to be stuck to me. I wanted to be your everything-- your
center. You ruined me, too. You took advantage of that and tore me down." Every
word written consumed my entire entity. The four walls surrounding me were
creeping closer; the open window let in the sound of the willows weeping with me.
This was my breaking point; hardening my heart only worked so much.
He was right: I pondered where we could've come, which killed me inside.
"Well, when you beging to think of me again, just stay away. I don't want to see you."
Words like swords cut me through. I had broken the person that, deep down, I loved.
I hated myself. So I laid down, let my radio tune out my thoughts, and tried my
hardest to let the cold outside sneak in and freeze my emotions like they once were.