Don't mind my rant, I'm upset and this usually helps.
If anyone has any suggestions, they'd be helpful right now.
It's days like this that I seriously wish I would have succeeded in trying to kill myself 4 years ago.
I still remember the pain I felt that day, the way I felt no one was there.
I was 13 then, and constantly bullied about everything.
I had ugly teeth so I was "Snaggletooth", then I got braces and I was "Braceface."
After that, I constantly thought "there's nothing I can do to please ANYONE."
At the age of 17, I still think that same thing. Every day.
I try and help my mom around the house, and I get told I'm not doing it right.
So even if I try, it's not good enough for her.
I'm either too sad or too happy or too...something.
Being the youngest of 4 children, I try so hard to live up to her expectations.
If you've read any of my previous posts, I've mentioned a few times that after I tried killing myself 4 years ago, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with PTSD(post-traumatic stress disorder) and clinical depression.
Her ex-husband, my dad, used to beat me to a pulp when he would come home drunk. I was a small child, so it was easy for him to pick me up and throw me against counters by my hair..etc.
She's been to my therapy appointments, even my school principle tells her that HE can see how sad I am just by looking in my eyes.
My smile is dead, my eyes are lifeless.
I am broken. 17 and utterly broken.
4 years ago, I wish I would have succeeded. Then maybe I wouldn't be so drugged up on anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
And maybe I wouldn't be such a burden on my family.
Rant over, if you read.. Thank you.