Mischief_Managed_'s Favorites

Mischief_Managed_

yourcool
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 9:25pm UTC

one time this guy was hitting on me and
he said "i'm loving the whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing" and i said "so did h.tler" i literally said that to a person

👍 this is good · read the comments · 175 points

yourcool
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 9:37pm UTC

when girls call their boyfriends "daddy"
it makes me want to projectile vomit on their existence

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yourcool
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 9:18pm UTC

when you think the gif is frozen and
you stare at it for like five minutes and you're like oh that's just a picture

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 222 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
July 8, 2013 1:37am UTC

okay, if i lived in america or somewhere else where there are heaps of Wittians, i would absolutely organize for a massive group of us to go out for coffee/see movies/go shopping once a week and we'd be in a massive group and look super cool and no one would know that we're actually a bunch of people from the internet who hardly ever leave their bedrooms.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 185 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
July 8, 2013 2:20am UTC

so yesterday i was babysitting five kids under the age of nine (i know, i know, i'm practically jesus. shhh.) and one of them was an 8 year old boy called Corben. basically, he developed a huge crush on me after i told him i liked star trek and dragons, and he kept hitting on me the entire time and it was hilarious and also adorable.
alana (his six year old sister): oh wow, you're so good at lego. you're magical.
corben: yeah, lizzy's so magical that she makes people fall in love with her and wish that they were older so that tHEY COULD MARRY HER FOREVER
alana: CORBEN THAT IS DISGUSTING, I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOU.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
corben: when we get married can we have a cat? i like cats.
me: what
alana: corben i'm never talking to you again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
corben: lizzy, do you like cocoa pops?
me: yeah, but--
corben: i'll get you three bowls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
me: okay, goodnight you guys.
corben: mum usually gives us a cuddle before we go to sleep.
alana: no she doesn--
corben: shHHhHhHH.
me: no.
corben: not even a little cuddle?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
me: why are you out of bed?
corben: do you want to read my book about dragons
me: no, go back to bed
corben: i'll read it to you if you want

👍 this is good · read the comments · 365 points

kristabff
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 9:41pm UTC

Me: ~seductively whispers "please do my homework, mom"~

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 4:46pm UTC

I always cry when I watch Rugrats in Paris because when all the
babies and kids are dancing with their mom's and Chuckie is just standing in the corner because he doesn't have a mom and then when they're on the plane going to Paris and all the mom's come and Chuckie's just staring out the window and you hear the song, "I wanna mom who'll love me forever. I wanna mom who'll make it all better." and dON'T TOUCH ME I'M UPSET.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 154 points

spence*
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 3:11pm UTC

Today
I wrote the names of my best friends all
over my legs and wrists. I did this because
if I want to start cutting again
I'd know who's actually hurting.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 143 points

kristabff
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 9:30pm UTC

In my bedroom at night.
Me: ~is peacefully playing on my phone in my bed~
Me: ~hears rustling outside of my closed door~
Me: Uh....what's that....?!
Zombie: ~bursts through door with giant axe~
Me: AHHHHHH!!! OH MY GOD WTF AHHH!!!
Me: Oh no wait, you're not my mom!! Haha, whew i was scared there for a second!! Imagine if you were my mom and she saw me playing on my phone this late! Hahahah sorry about that!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 323 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 5:43pm UTC

What to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you
--Smile and clap along
--Have a sudden fit of coughing so you can awkwardly hide your face in your hands
--Beat box
--Scream "DIS MY JAM!" and jump on the table and break dance
--Sing Amazing Grace as loud as you possible can until they stop singing to you
--Go over to the closest person singing and hug them tightly until they stop singing. Keep holding them until they feel uncomfortable. Bonus points for humming in their ear.
--Start a mosh pit
--Strip tease

👍 this is good · read the comments · 254 points

happiest*
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 3:21pm UTC

Miley gets called a s/ut and she's been with the same guy for 4 years but
Taylor is with 100 guys and gets treated like a perfect princes.
-Niall Horan

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happiest*
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 3:24pm UTC

When it comes to reading i'm either reading 400 pages a day or taking a month to read 200...there is no in between

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happiest*
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 3:00pm UTC

Reasons to date me :
1.No one will try and steal me from you
2.Sometimes i'm funny
3.I can't think of anything else

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carson5482
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 9:10pm UTC

White girl: Do these Uggs make my Starbucks look big?
Me: What?
White girl: *You're

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 97 points

LandonIsWitty
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 10:17pm UTC

Wanna hear a couple jokes?
Internet explorer.
18+ warnings.
middle school relationships.
my social life.
miley cyrus' new music video.
people who can't distinguish between 'your' and 'you're'.
ugly cats.
what did the giraffe say to human? nothing, giraffes can't talk.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 199 points

carson5482
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 9:12pm UTC

Friend: My ovaries are killing me.
Me: Woman problems or fangirl problems?

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kristabff
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 9:02pm UTC

I promise it's not an obession
okay i just go on the internet and post random things that come from the top of my head and then browse hot pictures and get alot of feels and ship random people together and watch videos of really hot and cute youtubers and sometimes i lose my breath because there's too many feels?? And then i look at pictures of cats to ease the feels down?? Don't worry i only do this everyday 27 out of 24 hours a day it's not an addiction or an obession haha it's only a hobby i do in my free time stop looking at me like that

👍 this is good · read the comments · 151 points

kristabff
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 9:05pm UTC

My comebacks include: "haha learn to spell" "whatever" "lol like i care" and "oh yeah well listen here you little sh/t i friCKIN DOWNLOADED RADIOACTIVE BY IMAGINE DRAGONE BEFORE IT CAME POPULAR ON THE RADIO OK"

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kristabff
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 8:21pm UTC

Imagine if this happened.
~in French class~
Teacher: Okay Krista, answer this question in a complete sentence: "Qu'est-ce que vous voulez boire?"
Me: Okay, I got this... "<span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 48px; line-height: 40px; letter-spacing: -2px; ......"
Teacher: What the...
Me: What? OH... um sorry, had something in my throat there! I meant, "Je veux de l'eau s'il vous plaît."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 167 points

SalemSoto
posted a quote
July 6, 2013 12:59am UTC

Teacher : Where is your homework ?
Student : I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't
the best teacher in school .

👍 this is good · read the comments · 123 points

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Mischief_Managed_