Mdi5

Mdi5
posted a quote
June 1, 2015 7:32pm UTC

She slid to the floor, back against the cold metal door.
The wind bit and scratched at her bare arms, just like the hurt whispered at her heart.
Her vision blurred by the clouds of tears that she tried her best to keep in.
No matter how hard she bit at her lips to stop the tears, they betrayed her body and raced down her face slowly taking the mascara along with it.
It had been a hot day, the sun out happily in the blue sky.
Birds sung, trees swung and all things round her were beautiful.
But that was it, it was only the things around her.
Inside she was torn apart like muscle torn off a bone by a vulture.
That’s what he was. A vulture.
The thing that so hungrily stalked her and consumed her like she was his lifeline. Supposedly she was what he breathed for, what he would give his life for.
He was hers and she was supposed to be his. He on the other hand was a monster who thirsted for more than what she could offer.
He thrived on her despair and dwelled in her pain.
He would bathe in the blood that dripped from her heart if he could.
Too bad, his lack of humanity took over and ripped her heart into shreds.
She was never always a fragile girl, but after him she turned into an empty shell.
A shell of black lifeless hair, brown tired emotionless eyes and lips to worn out from biting them.
She sat on the blue tiled floor with her heart – which she once wore on her sleeve proudly – broken into tiny glass pieces that cut her as she tried to piece them back together.
You see though, it wasn’t his fault his existence was a riddle and a lie all wrapped in one.
It wasn’t his fault that he walked in the hallways hiding the monster he knew himself to be.
It was hers!
She knew that the brown hair hidden under his beanie was just a cover up for the mystery the brown eyes that boyishly glinted under his glasses held.
She knew loving him was trouble, not only because she didn’t know what love was but because she had no idea why she wanted to love him.
Bringing her legs to her chest she felt the hand of loss wrapping itself around the caucus of her once functioning heart and squeeze.
Its fingers causing indents making it hard for her to breathe.
She knew that without a doubt she could never recover from this.
He was hers and she was supposed to be his.

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Mdi5
posted a quote
June 1, 2015 7:23pm UTC

Right There
She was right there.
So close she could practically feel the sun on her face, the sand at her toes and the smell of salt in there air.
She was right there.
Her dreams nearly at her doorstep gnawing at the wood on the front porch.
She was nearly there…
for the only thing that could stop her from this darkness was the constant banging of the voice inside her head, the piercing scream it let out, the claws that scratched at the brink of her sub consciousness.
She was almost sane.
But then he came out of the shadows and drugged her in a desire that drowned all emotions but one.
It wasn’t love and it wasn’t the idea of love, it was the obsession behind the guy with those piercing brown eyes.
Eyes that suffocated her with his stare.
Eyes that surely broken hearts and consumed loves.
Eyes that ate away at the pain to only replace it with something deeper and more demented than the hell below and the poison within.
Replaced it with life.
A life filled with light and love, a life filled with art, sport and class.
A life with a family, a life with needs.
Mdi5

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Mdi5
posted a quote
June 1, 2015 6:58pm UTC

You used me.
You treated me like I was easily replaceable.
How dare you take my time, all those hours where I gave you the best of me,
helped you when you were at your lowest.
How does it feel to have stripped me of all my emotions?
You knew I would fall, you knew that I was falling but you fed me lie after lie.
You let me fall head first.
I guess that was my fault, everybody knows you jump in feet first!
Damn I feel so stupid, I am stupid I thought that you of all people would catch me…
I guess I was stuck in my dreams for too long,
so wrapped up in the “what if’s” that I didn’t see the gun practically pointed in my face.
I guess we were playing Russian roulette only you knew very well when the bullet would kill me.
How naïve am I?
How dumb could I be?
I basically let you into my own personal safe haven and you laid it to ruins.
You latched onto my heart hands tightly grasped around a beat skipping heart and tugged.
You heard my cries of pain and yet you continued to tug.
I held your gaze while you did it,
I watched as the emotion in your eyes switch from pity and disgust to a sadistic form of joy.
You knew you were playing with my life,
you knew I was fragile and yet you continued to twist and turn my heart into abnormal positons.
You tried to kill me and showed no remorse for it.
The tears that raced down my face had no effect on you.
Were my cries of agony a symphony to you!?
What type of a person would you have to be, to be so cruel?
The sad part of all of this,
I know what type of person you are and regardless of the pain you put me in I will always run back and why is that?
Because I see the good in you, I see the good you can be.
Why is it so hard for you to be good?
Why is it difficult for you to care?
Talk to me!!!
I need you to talk to me!!
I need you to need me the way I needed you the same way I craved you.
Are you happy?
You’ve put me in the most unbearable pain!
I’m dying, I’m bleeding here and what are you doing?
Huh? You’re happy!
STOP!!
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Get out of my head!
Leave my dreams!!
Release my heart from your grasp! Let me go and met me hit the ground!
WAIT!!!
Don’t go!!
Don’t leave me please!
I need you to wrap me in your lies, I need you to not care so that I can care some more!
I need you to fuel my anger and my grief!
I need you to cause me pain so I can try and make excuses for you and try to save,
I need you to notice that I am fighting with myself!
I need you…
I’m going insane…
You’ve made me loose myself…
I’m numb.
I ran out of excuses for you to want me.
I’ve run out of options…
Mdi5

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Mdi5
posted a quote
June 1, 2015 6:50pm UTC

Disgusted.
“You.
You looked at me with what I thought was love.
You smiled at me with what I thought was affection.
You made me laugh till every part of my body shook.
I was in heaven, I was in your arms.
Arms that I thought loved, arms that I thought were a convention of honesty and trust.
Arms that I thought were the one place I could die and it would be alright!!
You were supposed to love me!
You were supposed to tell me that my demons were yours.
We were supposed to fight them together, you’d be batman and I’d be your sidekick.
Now, now I am choking on my words.
I’m am suffocating under your heated gaze.
The look of disgust that’s proudly sitting on your face is a like a dagger that drives itself into my chest.
But of course it misses and you have to thrust and thrust and thrust with force every single time and just as you pierce my heart you stop!
Is this what you wanted!?”
“Yes!
This is exactly what I wanted!
I need to make you feel pain.
Not just the pain of rejection!
The pain I feel when I look at you every day.
The disgust I feel for you when you’re lying in my arms.
Arms that aren't meant for you!
Arms that you've colonized, thinking I cared.
You disgust me.
The Disgust I feel for you is like a hate that burns deep in the pit of my heart.
The Disgust I feel for you is like a hunger I can’t satisfy until you are broken.
And even then that isn’t enough.
Don’t you get it!!
This.
Us.
This was never real it was a sick illusion for a sick little girl."

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Mdi5
posted a quote
June 1, 2015 6:39pm UTC

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Mdi5
posted a quote
June 1, 2015 6:25pm UTC

I thought there would be no one after you.
I thought this feeling I felt was the color blue
I thought that all the fighting and pain made us stronger,
If only I had known that we were no longer, together and that you were a figment in an imagination that had no pigment because it was only black and white.
Black and white was all it was and even though I would claw my way to your heart, I was left in the dark and fought for a spot that I thought was a dot that shone light in my eyes and my heart that was bought by the grace that was your smile and your hands.
Only to be reminded that I was just a creature lost in a time where the preacher would condemn me to death because I was just a pest that couldn’t be blessed with the test that would make me your best
Mdi5

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