Today is his birthday. March 3, 2011 is when we broke up. A few months away from 2 years ago. People say "IF your still crying over a boy for three months then your in love with him." Some people might call me pathetic but I have gotten better.. He can message me and all i do is shake.. Today he messaged me telling me what he already knew; That it was his birthday </3 I tried pretending I didn't know to save myself the pain. I got in the shower and made more scars... Honestly? There are some nights I cry myself to sleep because I miss him. You have no idea how much I miss him. I know you guys are probably going to call me obsessed.. The only reason I am still around and alive is because few close friends. I should be dead now but I'm not.. I miss us and he doesn't seem to understand why.. Why I am like dying here still.. I was really in love with him and people told me I wasn't and shunned me. I was to young to be in love.. Tell me, am I? Thanks for reading...
So, I know no one will read this but tomorrow is going to be 1 year and about two months since me and my ex broke up. Today, during class, my teacher played one of the songs he had dedicated to me before we even started going out. It was the song Animal by Neon Trees. I still remember it like it was yesterday.I remember everything about him. Most people think I'm pathetic the fact that I still do. That I still cry at times over him. "It's been a year why are you still on him" well because I truley loved him and he lead me on after wards. Judge me all you want but for me it was true love. I guess I might be pathetic. But believe me, I tried dating again afterwards. I tried dating about three times afterwards, three or four. The first two or three times, I ended it. The last time? He did. I did everything I could for him. I honestly was in love with him and thought maybe he could be my love. I thought it was finally perfect. I found out I was wrong. He dumped me because I apparently was to hooked on my ex and because he was in love with some other girl. Him and I continued to talk, despite how bad I was hurt. I stopped talking to him a lot after wards because he lived far away. We were dating via Online but I still loved him. I started coming back on not to long ago and I come on to him saying how he regretted it once I bought it up. He said he still loved me and that I was perfect for him. That he regretted it and such. I posted on his page how I loved him and got a message from a girl. Telling me that he didn't love me and that she was his girlfriend. I messaged him about it and he said yeah. I broke down crying and told him goodbye and that I'd talk to him later. I tried going to his page and I couldn't view it. He blocked me, just flat out. My friend whom he had added sent me what he posted; saying that I was the biggest mistake he had ever made. I realized then that I was right from the time me and my ex I talked about in the begining? I shouldn't have dated after him, ever again. I should have left it at that heartbreak. Honestly, what was done was cruel and I don't know what to do. After that happened, I did something I had not done in a long while ago. I made scars. Tomorrow is going to be horrible for me, honestly. I just wish that when he said forever he meant it, then I wouldn't have gone through everything I did. I shouldn't have had gone through it all. I should still be his but he is in a happy relationship; gay and with some guy. I still listen to our songs, and songs he dedicated to me. Now I have two guys heavily on my mind from heartbreak. For all who read this; Thank you </3
Him: Ya.. my boyfriend is over there... Me: Well.. good as long as your happy. Better one of us then none of us. (My quote. Actually happened with me and my ex boyfriend. The one who cheated on me with a guy. I was trying so hard not to cry)
&&++ I hope you know.. You were the reason for the tears in her eyes and the marks on her wrist [at least..] for once, it was not about.. him (my quote.. made it about a close friend who lied to me and couldn't stop crying. He lied about who he was, when he said I could trust him. the "him" part at the end is my ex.)
I don't get it.. why do some of us reach out to 'fellow witty girls' a week or two ago I reached out.. I got ONE response.... </3 im starting to think that no one here really cares.. and it kills me because this was my one place of [comfort]
&+ I want to have a whole conversation about him >Maybe< on Facebook or On the chat he goes to I want to act oblivious that he would ever read it. I want to drop hints that even a blind, deaf and mute man could realize it is about him. I want him to read it all. Every last bit of it. I want his breath to be taken away from realizing how much he hurt me. I want him to realize that.. No other thing or person would have.. No, not would have. No other thing or person will ever love him like I did. Aren't my dreams just a bit to out there? [my quote]
Ok.. so right now.. I need someone </3 I'm crying so hard I am gasping for air.. all because I am talking to him and theres something wrong but he wont tell me what.... so can someone just talk to me.. please? </3