If you really knew me
responding to ; imAsianiKnow.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I struggle a lot. You'd know that I often struggle with who I am, and who I want to be. You'd know that I don't have many options for role models, but two of them are my grandma and my sister. You'd know that my dad has been working in Iraq for almost three years now and it kills me not being able to see him. I've always looked up to him. We have that father-daughter relationship where you can talk about almost anything together. You'd know that I absolutely adore my three older step-bothers even though I hardly ever see them. You'd know that my mom is one of my main sources of stress. Some days, we have almost no emotional connection at all, but other days, we talk and talk. You'd know that she's suffering from depression, and it takes a toll on our whole family. You'd also know that my stepdad can be a real jerk sometimes. He makes good money, but refuses to spend it on the stuff we really need. You'd know that the only reason my mom is still married to him, is because we'd be dirt poor without him. You'd know that I can never make up my mind. I'm always changing my style, or my way of thinking. You'd know that I have commitment issues, and it kills me every day. You'd know that I've had boys completely in love with me, but I can never find it in myself to love them back. It's like, once I know they're mine, once the chase is over, they're not that interesting. And I hate it. If you really knew me, you'd know that I hate myself almost every day of my life. Whether it's because I'm fat, I'm ugly, I don't have many friends, or I can hardly tell him I love him back, there's always something. You'd know I have difficulties reaching out to people. I can easily walk up to a random stranger and start a conversation, but I can never talk to people I know, unless they talk to me first. People at my school especially. You'd know that I have only a few true best friends, and that the most important one is the one I fight with most. It's weird, we can spend almost two weeks together without arguing, but in just a day of texting, we'll be at each other's necks. You'd know that I'm terrified every time we fight, because I don't know what I'd do without her. You'd know that most of the time, our little fights start simply because I don't know how to get the right words out. If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm having a serious, yet open relationship with a boy who lives over five hundred miles away. I'm completely and irrevocably in love with him when we're together, but it's been about three weeks since I saw him, and I'm starting to question things. When we talk, I can barely bring myself to say that I love him and it kills me. If you really knew me, you'd know that I've always wanted to make a difference in this world, and do good, but I've never been quite sure how to do that. If you really knew me, you'd know that I struggle almost every day.
What should I know about you?
LoveLikeeRocketsx33