I want flowers because it's Wednesday. I want my favourite chocolates. I want notes left on my mirror. I want pick-me-up hugs. I want slow dancing to no music. I want real I love you's. I want to be told I'm beautiful. The truth is I may want all these things but you are all I need.
I waited fifteen years. Yes, I went out with a couple of boys to ''fit in''. But really I was waiting. I was waiting for the perfect man to pick me up off my feet and love me. Love me for who I am. I thought it might take a bit longer than fifteen years. But here he is. Taking my breath away. Causing butterflies in my stomach. Loving me for who I am. I LOVE YOU SAM. Happy 280 Day Anniversary.
30 Days, 30 Letters. Day 14 - Someone You've Drifted Away From. Dear ''Locker Crew'', We seem to have drifted apart. I don't know if that's my fault or not. I guess it is. I'm sorry. I am a completely different person to the girl 10 months ago. I have changed a lot. I am really sorry for not being the mardy cow you're used to. I'm sorry that my boyfriend makes me happy. I know how Batman feels. We've drifted away and I know it's my fault so I'm sorry. Love Lauren x
30 Days, 30 Letters. Day 13 - Someone You Wish Could Forgive You. Dear Everyone I Have Ever Hurt, I know a lot of you might have forgiven me. Some of you won't. So I'm sorry. I'm only human and I make a lot of mistakes. I apologise for those mistakes. I guess you will have made a few in your life too and there's people you want to forgive you. I am really sorry. Forgive me? Love Lauren x
It's time to cheer up. Today and last night made me realise that there is people out there who care. Even though I thought the only people who would ever care are the people who hate me, there is some people who give a damn. I lived without those people who hate me before I met them and I guess I'll have to learn to live without them again. Here's to the memories we've had and to the future with some new amazing people.
30 Days, 30 Letters. Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk Too. Dear Grandad, I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could feel your arms around me. I wish you could make me laugh like you used to. I wish I could know whether you're proud of me, of what I've become. I'd love to hear whether you like Sam and I'd love to come play games with you again. I remember playing dominoes with you when you were ill and I remember playing pontoon with you and Cols. I'd love to show you my prom pictures so you could look at how much I've grow up from that little girl you used to know to the beautiful woman I am now. I just need to hear that everything's going to be ok and I'm making the right decisions. Love Lauren x
For the first time in quite a while, I feel like bursting into tears. I have never felt so alone in my life. My best friends hate me. My boyfriend is so amazing to me but all I do is hurt him to protect myself from getting hurt. My Mum is consantly moody and takes it out on me. My Dad's having a bad time at work so isn't in the best of moods either. I feel so alone. Now I've finished typing this quote there is tears streaming down my face and I'm not quite sure what to do.
I feel alone and all I need is for someone to pick up the phone and ring me, maybe even text me, to show me I'm not. The only thing is is I know that's not going to happen 'cos the truth is I am alone and I have been for a while now.
I'm done trying to be perfect. I'm sick of changing so people will like me. I'm never going to be perfect. I will always have flaws. If you can't love me the way I am Then just turn around and walk out of my life. Cos I don't need someone who's constantly trying to change me.
I have never thought I was beautiful. Not even the slightest bit pretty. So when my boyfriend told me I was beautiful I couldn't wouldn't believe it. Not until he whispered in my ear, one night, ''you look beautiful''. At that moment I realised he believed it. He wasn't lying and telling me that just cos he was my boyfriend. He truely thought I was beautiful. Those words, coming from his mouth, made me believe that maybe I am beautiful. Remember there is one person out there who thinks you are beautiful so maybe you should believe in yourself.
30 Days, 30 Letters. Day 10 - Someone You Don't Talk Too As Much As You'd Like Too. Dear Emily, I'm so glad we're meeting up this summer. I haven't seen you in like forever! I'm so glad your life is all good now. I'm also glad you're going to the same college as me. It means we can meet up and have a good old natter and a laugh like we used to back in year 7. I can't believe it's that long ago. I've missed how much you used to make me laugh, you were always there for me too. Love Lauren x
30 Days, 30 Letters. Day 9 - Someone You Wish You Could Meet. Dear Granny, I wish I could meet you. You died when I was 1 so I never really knew you. I'd love to meet you and hear about your life and to hear if your proud of me. I'd love to do all those things people do with their Grandma's like take them shopping and bake buns. I wish I'd have known you. Love Lauren x
30 Days, 30 Letters. Day 7 - Your Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Love/Crush Dear Ex-boyfriend, Honestly I don't see you as my ex. We didn't love each other. I didn't even fancy you. We hardly ever spoke. I think the only reason we went out was so that we could say we had a boyfriend/girlfriend and because you said to my best friend I was pretty. That's what made me say yes because finally in my life someone thought I was more than average. Also, I was a bit of a pushover and I didn't like to see people hurt so I said yes. Love Lauren x