Landeh's Quotes

Landeh
posted a quote
February 2, 2012 9:33pm UTC

Saw this on FML site
#24
Today, I was lying in bed throwing
a football in the air and catching it.
I missed a catch, and the ball hit me
between the legs.
I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt,
just as my step-dad walked
into the room and saw me
holding my crotch and moaning.
FML

👍 this is good · read the comments · 10 points

Landeh
posted a quote
February 2, 2012 9:26pm UTC

Saw this on FML site
#23
Today, I saw a father and son playing football
in a car park when I was on my way to work.
The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice
I kicked it back to them.
Turns out it went straight through their car window.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 28, 2012 1:45am UTC

Saw this on FML site
#22
Today, while babysitting a five year old,
I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him
to watch while I made dinner.
I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards.
He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 28, 2012 1:42am UTC

Saw this on FML site
#21
Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 19, 2012 11:38pm UTC

Saw this on FML site
#20
Today, I Googled myself.
I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about
how much of a problem child I am.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 19, 2012 11:35pm UTC

Saw this on FML site
#19
Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project.
He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website.
My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it.
The tabs I had open:
Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point

Landeh
posted a quote
January 19, 2012 11:32pm UTC

Saw this on FML site
#18
Today, I looked at my house
in Google Street View for the first time and
noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway.
When I asked my wife about it,
she admitted to have an ongoing affair.
Apparently the entire world knew my wife
was having an affair before I did.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 13, 2012 10:03pm UTC

l l l l l
RELATIONSHIPS:
Being faithful is not an option,
it's a requirement
Format credit - RunawayRachel - NMQ

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point

Landeh
posted a quote
January 12, 2012 2:23am UTC

The awkward moment when: Someone fatter than you
gives you dieting advice.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 8 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 11, 2012 11:23pm UTC

B*tch don't be proud if every guy wants you,
Cheap items have many buyers!

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 10, 2012 11:53am UTC

♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥
FAVE IF YOU KNOW THE
HOTDOG DANCE
♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 6, 2012 8:40pm UTC

A life without goal is like
a journey with no direction

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 6, 2012 6:27am UTC

Saw this on FML site
#17
Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to
Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone.
I pressed play, only to realize that my
headphones weren't plugged in all the way.
Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas's voice...
coming from my phone. I am 40 years old.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 6, 2012 6:23am UTC

Saw this on FML site
#16
Today, while walking in the mall,
I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends.
To make myself look less lonely,
I put my iPhone up to my ear and started
an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend.
As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly.
It was him calling. He knew I was faking
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 13 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 6, 2012 6:20am UTC

Saw this on FML site
#15
Today, I caught my mother trying
to text on her iPhone,
with her nipple.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 5, 2012 3:42am UTC

I don't give anyone
a reason to hate me,
They create their own little drama.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 5, 2012 1:56am UTC

Dear Karma,
I have a list of people you missed

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 3, 2012 12:25am UTC

Kids suggestion to God:
He should have a second baby
so we can have two chritmases!
LOL

👍 this is good · read the comments · 12 points

Landeh
posted a quote
January 1, 2012 3:22am UTC

Happy New Year Everyone! :)

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

Landeh
posted a quote
December 30, 2011 3:40am UTC

Saw this on FML site
#14
Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me
at midnight to wish me a happy new year.
I was already in bed.
My grandmother has a better social life than I do.
FML

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

Witty Profiles

Landeh